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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be forced into giving this woman a lift every day?

197 replies

BellaBahBooBoo · 02/11/2011 22:27

About 6 months ago a woman started working at the same place as me; she lives fairly locally to me, about 10 minutes away, and I work 30 minutes away from my workplace. The woman lives 10 minutes away in the opposite direction to my workplace.

When she started, she was getting a lift in each day with someone who worked for another company near our work. She doesn't drive. Her husband does but he works in a different town. About 3 months ago the person giving her a lift each day got a different job so the lifts from them had to stop. She went to our boss, who had the brainwave that I could give her a lift to and from work every day. Despite the fact that it was 10 minutes out of my way, so 10 minutes there and back twice a day equals another 40 minutes onto my day.

I said to my boss that I wasn't happy with it and he basically said "what are you complaining about, it will be petrol money for you each week, and she needs to get to work somehow". I'm not assertive so agreed to give it a try. However this woman has done nothing but take the piss; she is meant to give me petrol money each week but regularly forgets, and has now not paid me for 3 weeks, despite me asking her for it. She is also never ready when I pick her up in the mornings so I end up sitting in the car for up to 10 minutes. I have had enough of it. She also does things like turns the stereo on in the car without asking, and moans about things like the seat not being comfortable enough. And then of course there is the issue that I need to leave 20 minutes earlier each morning and get home 20 minutes later each night, which means my children are at the childminder for longer.

I went to see my boss today about her and said I will no longer be able to give her a lift, and he wasn't happy to say the least. He said that I am to perform any other duties apart from my job that he sees fit, and that making sure a fellow team member gets to work is important and that he will take further action towards me if I prevent this colleague from getting to work.

I don't know what to do; obviously I don't want to piss my boss off but I cannot continue with giving this woman a lift everyday. I'm not a taxi driver but I feel I'm being used like one. Surely it's not my responsibility to make sure someone else - a grown adult - gets to work everyday? Or am I being mean spirited?

OP posts:
PattySimcox · 03/11/2011 17:17

OP I hope you have the courage to tell them that you will not be doing it any longer.

Shutupanddrive · 03/11/2011 18:29

Come on OP please come back and tell us your going to tell her to piss off!

lady007pink · 03/11/2011 18:49

OP should be home by now from work...

manicbmc · 03/11/2011 18:52

She might not be if she's had to give that woman a lift?

carocaro · 03/11/2011 19:32

The boss should get his arse out of bed earlier and go and pick her up if he's that bothered. Is he giving her one or something?

What a total piss take. stop right now.

MadBanners · 03/11/2011 21:01

Just stop giving her lifts! What is your boss going to do? Nothing, as there would be nothing he could do, and if he did, you could probably take him to the cleaners. it is not your responsibility to ensure someone else gets to work.

catinthestripyhat · 03/11/2011 21:10

I was Shock reading your post OP!! I can't believe your boss thinks it's your duty to get her to work. If so, then suggest that your working day starts as soon as you leave the house. As for that woman, all lifts should stop at least until she pays you. To be honest, I would be inclined to stop the lifts totally as she is taking the mick and it's actually costing you money with the childcare costs.

StopRainingPlease · 03/11/2011 21:26

Simple: two choices.

  1. Say no - it's outside working hours and not possible
  1. Say yes, but as it seems to be considered part of your work you will claim expenses from the company rather than the other woman, including being paid (at your normal hourly rate) for the time it takes.

Whichever you decide, put it in writing to him, the other woman, and if there is one the HR department and/or the boss above him.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 03/11/2011 22:09

What on earth would this woman do when you were on annual leave or off sick. Get public transport perhaps? If so, why can't she do it every other working day. Total piss take!

zimm · 04/11/2011 19:48

Op - any update?

GetOrfMo1Land · 04/11/2011 19:49

What a waste of everyone's time and energy.

zimm · 04/11/2011 19:52

Meh. Maybe she's getting her wine in and will be along in a minute....

lurkinginthebackground · 04/11/2011 20:13

Ìf you can't face telling her the truth then lie. Do what others have suggested. You are going somewhere in the opposite direction etc etc.

CoffeeDog · 04/11/2011 22:44

i had a woman who use to loiter around my car (even in the rain)... she lived 10 minutes from me....
Her sister did the rota's and we would somehow always be on the same shift -or she would finish slightly earlier than me..... drove me mad.... NO just wasnt an option as soon as i beeped my car she would open the door and get in!! I couldnt even sneak out as she was standing next to MY car!!
Thank god i got pregnant - ALOT of my ante natel appointments were towards the end of the day ;)

Shutupanddrive · 05/11/2011 07:39

Still no update from OP???

Animation · 05/11/2011 07:46

Did you ask him if he's prepared to pay you for these additional duties - and pay mileage?

AnotherEmptyNest · 05/11/2011 07:48

CoffeeDog

What did your passenger do when you were not available to take her home?

mamayaya · 05/11/2011 08:01

Employment solicitor here. Trust me, in 7 years of practice, I have seen a lot worse than this, for all those who said they didn't believe the OP!

Two issues:

  1. You need to stop giving the woman lifts.
  2. You need to deal with your boss - he has told you you're preventing your colleague from getting into work. This is bullying behaviour.

The best way to deal with this is, especially given that you find it difficult to deal with these people face-to-face, is by email. This covers you as well as it is in writing.

So:

"Hi [x], I'm sorry but from tomorrow I won't be able to give you lifts any more. It is adding 40 minutes minimum onto my driving time each day, plus time waiting for you. You haven't given me petrol money for three weeks. I am having to pay my childminder for extra childcare and am seeing my children less because of this so it's really inconvenient and is essentially costing me both time and money."
Forward the email to your colleague with the following at the top:

Dear [x]

Please see below. I am forwarding this to you because when we discussed this on [date] you told me that I had to perform duties such as this and that you would take steps against me if I prevented a colleague from getting to work.

However, I simply cannot spend an extra 40 minutes minimum a day driving [x] to work - it costs me petrol, time, and childcare costs. This is unreasonable.

[you COULD put in "I feel that your attitude in our meeting was intimidating and unprofessional" ... BUT as I think you said there are only 12 employees it's probably better, realistically, to just try and sort it out firstly by email, sensibly and calmly]

Kind regards"

If he comes back to you with anything more then simply ask him if it is a disciplinary hearing? If he says no then just politely and firmly re-state that you simply cannot do this extra driving. If he says yes, ask if it can be arranged with HR present and explain that you would like the reason for the disciplinary hearing in writing. Also at that point email and ask for a copy of the travel expenses policy, the grievance policy, the bullying policy and the stress at work policy ... and CC the HR person or MD.

Hope this helps!

mamayaya · 05/11/2011 08:04

(oops sorry, meant to say, if he comes back to you verbally then ask if it's a disciplinary hearing - which of course it won't be but you can that way force him into arranging a proper meeting about it - which he won't be able to do as it's a non-issue!.... if he replies and says anything unreasonable then simply re-state by email that you cannot do it any more).

PattySimcox · 05/11/2011 10:02

Good post mamayaya. IIW the OP something like that would give me a lot of confidence to handle the situation, so that is very kind of you to give her legal advice.

pigletmania · 05/11/2011 10:07

Yes very good post mamayaya I hope the op reads it!

Avenged · 05/11/2011 11:34

That's your own personal car and he has no right to make such demands regarding it. Even more so as the pick up and drop off is outside work hours.

As an adult, why can't the woman get the flipping bus. Would you be prepared to give her a weeks notice to find out other methods of transport to work because it's not convenient for you. That way, you've given her plenty of time to look up on times for buses etc and you could also warn her that you will be leaving her house after.

During that last week of pick up and drop off, you could toot your horn when you pick her up. If she doesn't come out within 3 mins then drive off. She really should be organised enough to get out the door straight away when you toot.

Hope you get this sorted quickly OP.

Take care.

Avenged · 05/11/2011 11:38

That should read after 3 minutes from tooting the horn when you arrive at her for pick up.

mankymink · 05/11/2011 11:48

Marking place.

I don't drive so I get bus the into town (40 mins) then walk to work from there (25 mins). Do the same each evening. You do what you have to do.

Tell her to bloody sort it out.

LuckyRocketshipUnderpants · 05/11/2011 11:48

So much good advice has been given. I do wish the OP would come back and give us all an update.

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