to not want to be forced into giving this woman a lift every day?

[BellaBahBooBoo]

About 6 months ago a woman started working at the same place as me; she lives fairly locally to me, about 10 minutes away, and I work 30 minutes away from my workplace. The woman lives 10 minutes away in the opposite direction to my workplace.

When she started, she was getting a lift in each day with someone who worked for another company near our work. She doesn't drive. Her husband does but he works in a different town. About 3 months ago the person giving her a lift each day got a different job so the lifts from them had to stop. She went to our boss, who had the brainwave that I could give her a lift to and from work every day. Despite the fact that it was 10 minutes out of my way, so 10 minutes there and back twice a day equals another 40 minutes onto my day.

I said to my boss that I wasn't happy with it and he basically said "what are you complaining about, it will be petrol money for you each week, and she needs to get to work somehow". I'm not assertive so agreed to give it a try. However this woman has done nothing but take the piss; she is meant to give me petrol money each week but regularly forgets, and has now not paid me for 3 weeks, despite me asking her for it. She is also never ready when I pick her up in the mornings so I end up sitting in the car for up to 10 minutes. I have had enough of it. She also does things like turns the stereo on in the car without asking, and moans about things like the seat not being comfortable enough. And then of course there is the issue that I need to leave 20 minutes earlier each morning and get home 20 minutes later each night, which means my children are at the childminder for longer.

I went to see my boss today about her and said I will no longer be able to give her a lift, and he wasn't happy to say the least. He said that I am to perform any other duties apart from my job that he sees fit, and that making sure a fellow team member gets to work is important and that he will take further action towards me if I prevent this colleague from getting to work.

I don't know what to do; obviously I don't want to piss my boss off but I cannot continue with giving this woman a lift everyday. I'm not a taxi driver but I feel I'm being used like one. Surely it's not my responsibility to make sure someone else - a grown adult - gets to work everyday? Or am I being mean spirited?

Take no further action, other than to stop giving this colleague lifts. Then wait for your boss to do something- if he's well advised he won't as he'll lose.

Many contracts give some flexibility to the employer in terms of the scope of the work they perform, but what your boss is asking you to do is not remotely connected to your work- i.e. you're not employed as a driver. You don't even have a company car- so it's not a reasonable request.

This is so outrageous that I simply cannot believe it's true, sorry.

But supposing it is, do you seriously have to ask if you're being unreasonable and mean-spirited? Your boss (and colleague) is SO way out-of-line that I'm..... just.... well, speechless really.

Unbelievable!

Also, if this is part of your job, then the company should be reimbursing the petrol money as expenses incurred in the line of your work, and recharging to the employer if they see fit.

This is so outrageous that I simply cannot believe it's true, sorry. But supposing it is, do you seriously have to ask if you're being unreasonable and mean-spirited? Your boss (and colleague) is SO way out-of-line that I'm..... just.... well, speechless really

Me too. But if it is true, you should get an essential car user allowance, mileage and business insurance paid for by the company. Just stop doing it. Your boss can do fuck all about it.

Actually OP, could you lend me £50?

I'm a bit short this month.

And if you could just have my DD for a couple of hours this evening, I fancy a pint.

Also, would you mind popping into Tesco's on your way to collect her and picking me up a weeks' shopping?

Cheers.

"He said that I am to perform any other duties apart from my job that he sees fit"
No. The only duties that you perform for the company are - your job. After all, if he were to say 'any other duties' included shagging him or washing the windows as everyone else went home, you'd have no problem telling him to fuck off would you? Your duties are what they pay you for, and everything else is outside their remit.

"making sure a fellow team member gets to work is important and that he will take further action towards me if I prevent this colleague from getting to work."
You are not preventing her from getting to work. She is an adult and can use public transport. Her husband can bring her in when you're off, so he can do it other days too. Or she can learn to drive. Or your boss can pick her up. She's not your responsibility, and he has no right to try to make her so.

And as for his "he will take further action towards me" - that made my blood boil. How dare he threaten you!

Tell the fucker that now you've got over the shock of what he said, you are now re-stating categorically that this colleague must make her own arrangements from now on. You are not volunteering for three and a half hours of unpaid overtime per week, plus additional childminder costs. That the petrol money is not forthcoming and she's an annoying pest are side-issues. He has NO RIGHT to demand this of you.

And as others have stated, HR will have no choice but to come down on your side.

Run over her feet as she gets out of the car?

I think you need to get something in writing as soon as possible.

I would email your boss and tell him that it will not be possible for you to offer this woman a lift. Say that you are not able to explain further because it is not possible for personal reasons.

Ask him to respond to you in email if he has anything further to say on the matter.

I would also say that you are not prepared to have a conversation about it and would prefer something in writing as you feel that his previous remark that if you do not give this woman a lift he will take further action appears to be a verbal warning, which make this appear to be a disciplinary procedure so anything further should be in writing.

whereyoulefit is totally right

If you dont want to confront this head on you could start being politely/ignorantly awkward. The reason why you are an easy option for her and your boss is because you are making it easy for them both.

Be sick or have sick kids that you need to keep home.

Be late (Drs appointment)

Need to stop off for your whole weekly/monthly shop at the biggest supermarket locally on the way home

Go late night shopping after work enroute home or by your work (Xmas shopping perhaps).

I am not saying blatently lie, but make your Drs appointments so you are a tiny bit late for work now and again and the shorter notice the better. Its not unrealistic with Xmas around the corner for you to maybe have kids Xmas shows to attend or want to go shopping somewhere near your work or on the way home whilst you dont have your kids - who in there right mind chooses to do Xmas shopping with kids in tow?

It may mean asking a mate or your DP/H to collect kids from CM a few times but it may make the woman (if not your boss) decide that the bus really is a more reliable and favourable option. In the very least you wont be seen as such a push over.

The key is the short notice - she msy HAVE to get the bus and then when she gets to work perfectly OK on the bus a few times you can point out how she could do it every day.

Find out how much the bus would cost for her and then make your petrol charges higher!

if she can forget to give you petrol money, you can forget to pick her up.

If she can forget for 3 weeks in a row, you can demand payment 3 weeks in advance to protect you against her future bad memory.

I can't believe that this is expected.

For a more subtle way of getting rid of your unwanted passenger how about having a week on a cabbage soup/brussel sprout/egg/baked bean diet? She might reconsider invading your space if you trump all the way to work and back

MillyR has given some very good advice there about forcing him into writing.

Cool story sis!

Seriously though, if you don't want to give a lift it's totally your choice. But as we all know, it's an employers' market, and they will bully people to get their way on anything.

Making sure a "fellow team member" gets to work isn't your responsibility, nor is it a reasonable request.

Either this woman is absolutely exceptional for the money he's paying her, or he'd struggle to get anyone else (very unlikely), or he wants to get in her knickers (or already has)...!

Go with Milly R, send email to her and him and cc HR

Say that you been kindly giving this lady a lift, as requested by him, way above and beyond normal expected contractual duties, to help a new colleague settle into work, but will regretfully no longer be able continue with this temporary unofficial verbal arrangement, from next Monday due to personal circumstances/family commitments etc etc. Hope boss and colleague will understand etc etc.

Say cc to Hr as you take his verbal response as a verbal warning

Yeah I agree with Millyr and Planetofthegrapes.
Good luck, and let us know how you get on !

Bella, you poor love, you've been hoodwinked good and proper.

Time to grow some MN balls (see PreviouslyonLost, I'vegotTightsOlderThanYouLove and myself see passim) and stand up for yourself to those with a wheelbarrowful of entitlement.

You are entitled to get yourself to work any way you bloody like. She is a grown up - she can do the same.

Deep breath, shoulders back and tell her (nicely if it will make you feel better) that it is no longer possible to have her as a passenger.

She can't get you sacked for it, and nor can your boss.

Courage, mon brave!

This story does seem a bit far fetched.

I agree, it does seem far-fetched but maybe some people do feel obliged to fall into this kind of thing.

OP, you do not have to give a colleague a lift to work, whatever your boss says.

Really, you don't.

What a bully! I am totally outraged on your behalf. I think the idea of writing/e-mailing him with a copy to HR is the way to go. Specifically mention his threat as HR will have kittens if they are any good if they hear of this. Point out that what you are being asked to do, being outside of working hours, cannot possibly be any cause for complaint or any kind of come back.

HR Manager checking in. Your boss does not have a leg to stand on, and if your HR department are supporting them then they are incompetent.

You have no responsibility to give this woman a lift. Whilst your job description likely says something about "other reasonable required for the post", this does not qualify as reasonable or required for the post!

I wouldn't raise a grievance - if the HR department have really taken his side ( which I find astounding if they have), it will achieve nothing other than to mark you down in their minds as a trouble maker. Just tell this women that you can no longer give her a lift as of x date. You give her a deadline so that, should this turn into a case against you, you can demonstrate you've acted reasonably by giving her fair warning that she needs to make alternative arrangements.

When your boss speaks to you about this, take a note pad and make notes of what is said. Make sure he sees you doing it. If he asks why, calmly explain that you want a record of the meeting. Stay professional and try not to get rattled.

Make sure going forward that you keep notes of every conversation, with him and her, and HR if they get involved, including phone conversations, and keep every email you get about it. This will prove invaluable should he try to take formal action against you. Chances are he won't though - I suspect he'll back down once you assert yourself and demonstrate you are prepared to fight back.

Oh, and I'm another one that would put folding money on him shagging her!

What whereyouleft it said and what trois said on page 1. Stop this NOW.

Is he shagging that woman?!

Seriously - write down all the extra hours you have accrued as this is extra time off for you, and also all the money that is owed.

And then stop. He doesn't have a leg to stand on and if he tries to sack you you can stuff the fucker at a tribuneral.
Post this in legal for some professional sounding legal advice too

Please male this the last day you do this and come and tell us so!

Are you in a union? They should have a legal department who can give you specific advice about wording written communication with your boss and HR.

Your boss sounds like the kind of person who might insist on a change to your contract to prove to you that he is the boss so you might want to be very sure of your ground before you go to him or HR.

I'd start by making the arrangement a lot less easy for this woman. Maybe your car could develop a hard-to-pin-down fault, or need to go into the garage for something so it's out of action for a week. Let your boss know that you'll be asking Woman's husband to give you a lift in when he drops her off, and then ask her to get her husband to collect and drop you on the way.

After a few days, just text the woman in the morning and say that you don't need a lift this morning, please say thanks to Sid for the lifts and can she take petrol money from what she owes you, and you'll see her at work. Then go straightaway. Be driving so that you can't answer the phone. Repeat for a few days. Be vague about your plans- all a bit up in the air at the moment, she's best getting Sid to drop her as you don't want her to be late.

Hopefully this will break the pattern. If not, you can't afford the petrol to hers, so you'll see her at work.

If she pays up and in advance and want lifts, she needs to get to you by x time on the dot- if she is not there you will assume she is making her own way there. On the way home you can drop her at the bus stop/train station/ taxi rank as you have to go straight to the CM. She will have to sit in the back as your front seat will be taken up by a child seat , or perhaps a series of increasing outlandish items that you have to fetch and carry from the CM- a large toy, bumbo, papier mache hippo, working model of Stephenson's rocket etc.

Incidences like this put us non car drivers in a bad light, that we are all lift scroungers, who expect car drivers to ferry us about, which is totally untrue. I am shocked and speechless at your boss behaviour. The 'any other duties bit' it related to work which this is not unless you are employed as a driver, which I don't think you are. It is not your duty to ferry a grown adult to work and back, that is HER responsibility. If your boss expects you to do that, you can ask him for milliage allowance, payment for ware and tare of your car, or if not a company car as your duties now involve driving. If your boss is still being a wanker, I would go to HR or above your boss. Don't pick her up, she can bloody get there herself, if she can't she is not suitable for the job. The boss should also pay for her driving lessons too.