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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be forced into giving this woman a lift every day?

197 replies

BellaBahBooBoo · 02/11/2011 22:27

About 6 months ago a woman started working at the same place as me; she lives fairly locally to me, about 10 minutes away, and I work 30 minutes away from my workplace. The woman lives 10 minutes away in the opposite direction to my workplace.

When she started, she was getting a lift in each day with someone who worked for another company near our work. She doesn't drive. Her husband does but he works in a different town. About 3 months ago the person giving her a lift each day got a different job so the lifts from them had to stop. She went to our boss, who had the brainwave that I could give her a lift to and from work every day. Despite the fact that it was 10 minutes out of my way, so 10 minutes there and back twice a day equals another 40 minutes onto my day.

I said to my boss that I wasn't happy with it and he basically said "what are you complaining about, it will be petrol money for you each week, and she needs to get to work somehow". I'm not assertive so agreed to give it a try. However this woman has done nothing but take the piss; she is meant to give me petrol money each week but regularly forgets, and has now not paid me for 3 weeks, despite me asking her for it. She is also never ready when I pick her up in the mornings so I end up sitting in the car for up to 10 minutes. I have had enough of it. She also does things like turns the stereo on in the car without asking, and moans about things like the seat not being comfortable enough. And then of course there is the issue that I need to leave 20 minutes earlier each morning and get home 20 minutes later each night, which means my children are at the childminder for longer.

I went to see my boss today about her and said I will no longer be able to give her a lift, and he wasn't happy to say the least. He said that I am to perform any other duties apart from my job that he sees fit, and that making sure a fellow team member gets to work is important and that he will take further action towards me if I prevent this colleague from getting to work.

I don't know what to do; obviously I don't want to piss my boss off but I cannot continue with giving this woman a lift everyday. I'm not a taxi driver but I feel I'm being used like one. Surely it's not my responsibility to make sure someone else - a grown adult - gets to work everyday? Or am I being mean spirited?

OP posts:
Pakdooik · 03/11/2011 10:57

Bella Exactly what sounds said. If you are in union you might also like to get them involved in telling your manager where to go

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 03/11/2011 10:58

"I have reported those of you that are accusing me of being a troll to Mumsnet, as it says very clearly at the top of the page that troll hunting is not allowed on here! Thank you to those of you that have offered decent advice, shame on you to those of you that are just being bitches"

That's the spirit OP. Now take some of that attitude to your boss and your colleague.

Hardgoing · 03/11/2011 11:00

I also agree you need to channel that assertive spirit into your work situation rather than on here.

You've had some great advice, from HR professionals and others, are you going to take it?

I personally would be more upset about the accusation of being a complete doormat than a troll, but there you go.

MollyTheMole · 03/11/2011 11:01

sorry OP, its just that I cant believe you have let this go on. Get some balls woman. Your boss cant do FA and if he did you'd have a nice little unfair / constructive dismissal tribunal claim for them

You dont need to go into details, just say your circumstances have changed and sadly you cant do it anymore, if your boss wants to know why just say its circumstances with DCs childcare.

Its so easily solved thats why some of us are a bit Hmm about why you are letting it go on.

Redrubyblue · 03/11/2011 11:06

I don't understand why anyone would take a job that they cannot get themselves to. I would find it very stressful relying on the goodwill of colleagues.

Then again I have been in the same situation as the OP. A woman I worked with regularly asked for a lift home from me. It was the opposite direction from the town I lived in and involved driving through town at rush hour. I finished work at 5pm and she finished at 5.30pm so I had to wait for her. I would eventually get home at 6.45pm as opposed to 5.30pm.

I asked her one day about the bus service to her home. She explained that it cost £1.10 and she "wasn't prepared to fork out that much each day". I was Shock. It must have cost me much more than that in petrol!

I said no after that and she conned some other poor sod. It wasn't a nice situation to be in and I must admit I did feel bloody awkward about it.

MrsVoltar · 03/11/2011 11:09

Wow, Redruby thats some cheek!

ruddynorah · 03/11/2011 11:16

If this is part of your work duties you'll need to get the task done within your working hours. So both of you will need to leave work early, and arrive late.

Lucyinthepie · 03/11/2011 11:18

Well then Bella, do you have a HR department?
Are you insured to use your car for work?
Do you have any driving responsibilities in your job description?
Are you going to speak to the person concerned?

DeWe · 03/11/2011 11:20

Doesn't that put the car into "being used for work purposes" catagory and get messy on tax/insurance etc. Certainly if he's insisting I'm sure it would count as work. I think if you use your car for work it needs putting on the insurance.

I'd point out to him that it's not just the petrol (which she's not paying, maybe he should deduct it from her salary) but it's also £X in child care per week, and your time. Obviously as you're doing work travel though, it will also cound as time at work, so you can arrive later and leave earlier... which as she can't means you can't give her a lift?

Lucyinthepie · 03/11/2011 11:22

Why tell op to get some balls and then give her excuses to make? All she needs to do is stick to the facts. She is not obliged to give another employee lifts under her terms of employment. It's wasting 40 mins at least of her day. The woman isn't paying her petrol money. To summarise, Op is not going to give her lifts after Friday. Tell boss and tell woman at same time.
If boss starts throwing his weight around refer to HR, of if you don't have one speak to ACAS. Meanwhile send boss a memo giving details of the increase in cost that would be required to insure car for business use in future (it's not private if he thinks he can dictate the use), the fuel, and the hourly rate for the driving time, which will increase if waiting time is added.
I wish people would stop thinking up excuses when all that needs to be done is just tell the truth.

Balsam · 03/11/2011 11:23

You MUST start documenting this now. Communicate with your boss on this by email. Copy in HR. Keep the emails (paper copies at home).

emmam25 · 03/11/2011 11:33

I agree with others who have cautioned about the possible ramifications of not having insurance cover if it is to be considered "work".

Similar experiences to others that I have known a colleague who made a claim against the driver who was giving them a lift when they had an accident. They saw NOTHING wrong with this Hmm even though it then affected the drivers insurance premiums from that point on.

This woman sounds like she would be similarly inclined...

Also, when my OH gets work which pays for travel he uses google maps to work out the petrol cost (they told him to do this) - it gives you an estimated cost for you after the directions.

I would work out the exact cost from yours to hers, then to work and then from yours to work. Deduct one from the other and check that you are getting enough money!

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/11/2011 11:36

Well come on BellaBahBooBoo - what are you going to do?

TheQueenOfDeDead · 03/11/2011 11:36

I usually have a pretty good bullshit radar and I am surprised so many people think this thread is untrue.

I spent a good part of my training practising employment law and your mind would truly boggle at the sort of behaviour some people are expected to, and indeed tolerate.

Anyone see the hooters program where they filmed a manager getting his waitresses to bury their faces in plates of baked beans with teh promise that whoever finished forst would be allowed to go home. You certainly wouldn't believe that could happen.

crystalglasses · 03/11/2011 12:44

I can't see any reason to involve HR, or phone UCAS or inform the boss that you aren'd giving the lift anymore. this is an arrangement between you and your work colleague. You (very understandably) don't want to give her a lift any more, so tell her. End of.
You have no obligation to your boss. If he says he will pay you mileage, give you an allowance or amend your employment contract (but he won't), just say no thank you. If he started threatening you or bullying you about it, then go to your HR department. I doubt that he will though, if he has any sense.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/11/2011 12:49

Assuming it's true then Just Say No. Don't faff around with excuses, stories, getting the bus etc. Just walk up to her and say "hello Hilda, I'm sure you are aware of the ludicrousness of me taxiing you to work and back every day. So, if you're nice to me, pay up the petrol money and make me a cuppa I'll drop you back tonight in case of lack of bus far, whatever, but that's the very last time."

Your boss is talking bullshit.

Trifle · 03/11/2011 12:55

Funnily enough when I read the thread title I assumed it was an old thread resurrected as I recall reading about almost the exact same scenario.

Funny that isnt it.

Tee2072 · 03/11/2011 13:03

I totally believe this is true based on the number of women I know who are doormats.

OP: Just.Say.No.

tripleZ · 03/11/2011 13:25

Temp part time job pregnant with pfb - got there fine everyday but when manger and co-workers realised I didn't drive insisted on arranging a lift with someone who worked a few streets away.

I tried to say no - but this worker then insisted thorough looking back this was in front of manager and co-workers. She drove like a loon did nothing but moan about her life but it saved alot of money, especially as she always refused the offered petrol money much to my embarrassment, and it was alot quicker and it seemed churlish to turn the offer down. Pre-DC - I was very shy and didn't want to offend and everyone seemed to think they'd done me a favour.

She never said she wanted to stop - she just got very unreliable but then insisted other days on driving me back.

I found the whole situation embarrassing - never know what tickets to get, when I'd be back whether to ask her if she was leaving on time or sneak out so I didn't have to explain why I didn't need a lift if she was available.

Honestly pre-DCs I was so wet. She took some leave when she came back lift were never again mention to my relief. I got her a very nice thank you present when I left.

Honestly OP - talk to her directly and just say you have to stop - never know she may be relived but at least she'd know where she stood.

Jajas · 03/11/2011 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skybluepearl · 03/11/2011 13:31

Agree - just say/email 'its very silly me driving right out of my way to collect you and all the extra driving (20 mins a day), waiting for you to get ready (10 more mins), non petrol payments, lack of thanks has made it quite a chore when I really just neeed to spend every spare moment with kids'.

pigletmania · 03/11/2011 13:41

redruby shocking! Some people really are disgusting individuals. Hope word got around the office that she wAs a nasty freeloader.

AnotherEmptyNest · 03/11/2011 14:27

I used to drive myself to work and my husband drove himself to work leaving the motorway a further junction down from where I left it. I had an accident on holiday once and then a leg was in plaster but I wanted to go to work. A simple arrangement was put into place. My husband dropped me off at a layby before reaching the motorway and a colleague picked me up - on her way to work.

To reach home, my husband deviated the half mile from the motorway junction to collect me. It worked perfctly until I was able to drive again.

porcamiseria · 03/11/2011 14:45

I cannot sum up much respect for OP as this is such a blatant piss take I am astounded!!!!

for fucks sake woman, just say tonight "this is the last lift" and to hell with it

ramblinrose · 03/11/2011 15:09

I don't drive,but I NEVER expect a lift from anyone.
It's my choice not to drive so it's my responsibility to get myself from A to B.
YANBU.