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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister and BIL going away without baby (again) - AIBU or not...?

291 replies

ariadnethethird · 02/11/2011 19:25

I can't work out if I am being a bit silly or not so am biting the bullet and asking the MN jury...

My sister and her boyfriend have a lovely 6 month old son and are off this weekend to Centreparcs, but leaving the baby with his grandmother. This is, that I know of, the fifth time they have left him with someone for the weekend, which considering he is 6 months old, seems a lot to me. When I heard they were off to Centreparcs, which is very child friendly (although I do realise the baby is too young for most of it), I actually felt quite sorry for him. My sister said they 'need a break' as they have both been working long hours (and the baby has been farmed out to various grandparents) and taking the baby wouldn't be very relaxing.
So, is it me being unreasonable to think they are being a bit out of order, or is their behaviour perfectly understandable and normal...?

OP posts:

WoTmania · 03/11/2011 19:59

but witch after working all week (when they were tiny) did you leave them with GPs for weekends as well? Just curious.

Nevertooearlyforcake · 03/11/2011 19:59

All these assumptions the parents are crap - maybe they are just doing what is best for them all as a family and the only one with a problem with it is the OP. Am glad OP is getting it out of her system on here rather than in RL

thecatatemygymsuit · 03/11/2011 20:04

I think it's absolutely fine and completely healthy; frankly and honestly I wish I left DD with GPs more when she was a young baby; bizarrely I find it harder to leave her now she's nearly 5, simply because I enjoy her company so much more than when she was a baby. I hated the early baby stage...but I adore my child.
And yes of course a baby won't notice as long as they're well looked after. It's not neglect.

WoTmania · 03/11/2011 20:08

My main thought is that at this age surely it would be more supportive to the parents to help them find ways of having a break while around the child/baby (what if you're BF and can't just hop off for a couple of nights?) and find 'couple time' despite having a baby.
The situation described in the OP is very different to having to go back to work or going out for a meal or to the cinema once a month.

heleninahandcart · 03/11/2011 20:08

I taste sour grapes here with a side order of martyrdom, both from OP and those who are giving themselves a wedgy with their judgy pants.

So they work hard and want some time off. IMO anyone who thinks time off away with a baby is relaxing is deluded.

As for the idea that a 6 month old baby is missing out, projection much?

None of your business OP

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/11/2011 20:09

Hello

I am Katiescarletts son. I fully intend to leave my future children here for Mum to look after so I can go to watch football with my imaginary future wife.

Thanks in advance Mum

sonofkatiescarlet
xx

Witchofthenorth · 03/11/2011 20:09

WoTmania...my oldest two stayed at GPs from about 4months old for weekends. Not every weekend but maybe one in three. My youngest was slightly older only because she is the only one I have breast fed so logistically it was easier to keep her at home. I may have a slightly different situation to OPs sister though in that I had PND with my first two children and to be quite honest and frank about it,i wouldn't have been any kind of mother to my children if I hadn't. However, I believe that it can be a saviour to anyones sanity if they have family that are willing to do this. I am aware that i am very lucky that I have family who love having the kids.

I would also argue that my children are very well balanced and they know how much they are loved. But they also know that mummy and daddy are also mrs witch and mr witch and that we have friends and a life separate to them. They dont feel resentful at all cos when mum and dad goes out it means that they get spoiled rotten from nana!

bringmesunshine2009 · 03/11/2011 20:12

Am 'totes jells' would love a full nights sleep. Good for them. CP odd choice, but hey ho.

Witchofthenorth · 03/11/2011 20:12

Good for you katies son and I am sure mum will love it :)

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/11/2011 20:12

I go to the loo for 5 mins......

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/11/2011 20:22

hahaha was that really your son Katie - I thought it was you having a larf

I love the way he assumes that he will meet a wife who will want to go with him to the football...

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/11/2011 20:36

Yes, that was DS. I thought he was doing his english essay.......

I pity my poor future DIL, his main interests are football, football and more football

Will have to sodding namechange now though.

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/11/2011 20:39

Oh god I can't believe he did that! Did you shout at him

ScaryFairy28 · 03/11/2011 20:41

I don't think YABU I think they ABU to be leaving him all the time babies need to bond with their parents not extended family, I have turned down several offers of nights away for next year as I'll be back at work and yes it would be nice to get a break but I'll get that at work want to spend all other time with DD. Why have kids if you want to leave them when there's a choice.

Witchofthenorth · 03/11/2011 20:41

I also thought that was you Katie! God love him, that is classic.

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/11/2011 20:51

Must have been that dirty weekend mini break DH and I had in 1998 that has caused DS delinquency. I blame the parents

sheeplikessleep · 03/11/2011 20:52

Scary - I have two kids. Why did I have them, when (a) I go out to work (I do have a choice - we could just about manage without me working) (b) me and dh go out for the occasional meal for birthdays, anniversaries whatever and DC are looked after by their GPs (c) I leave the kids with DH when I go Christmas shopping (just an example) or I go food shopping (we could get it delivered). Indeed, every time you 'leave' your kids there is a choice. But I feel that you have to put effort into a relationship, it's healthy for the kids to not be with you 24/7 and I am personally a better mum for having some time away from them.

Babies do need to bond with parents (of course they do), but also benefit hugely from having close relationships with others too. Others who give another perspective, who teach different things.

Being a mum doesn't mean you have to give up all sense of 'you'.

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/11/2011 20:59

Haha I was just going to come on and say katie that it is obviously YOUR FAULT for neglecting him when he was young, that he has issues now he is in his teens and feels compelled to hack his mum's mumsnet account

Shoitemam · 03/11/2011 21:10

What do you think of the namechange?

Nevertooearlyforcake · 03/11/2011 21:10

Why do people have kids if they want to occasionally leave them with GPs? Because that's the decision they made regarding their own particular family dynamic, the basis in.which we all make decisions. Some posters wouldn't do this but questions like the one above suggest you think the couple shouldn't have chosen to become parents. Really? Over a few weekends of the baby with the GPs?

WoTmania · 03/11/2011 21:11

Witch - i never said they weren't well-balanced or that they resented you. Like I said, just curious.
I come from a different side where I really struggled to bond with DS1 and had I not been BF and unable to leave him for any length of time I could quite happily have never had anything to do with him for the first few months, if ever (We're fine now though). I only managed because, as I have already said, we stayed with my parents at weekends and my mum looked after DS1 just bringing him in for feeds at night and gradually we 'bonded'. I just know that 'I would have struggled in this situation but of course one size doens't fit all.
My children also have a wonderful relationship with my parents and the DSs love staying wiht them - this rarely happens though as I feel guilty taking up more of my parents time. DD hasn't because she still doesn't seem to be ready to be away from me overnight.

Witchofthenorth · 03/11/2011 21:11

Shoitemam sounds good :)

Shoitemam · 03/11/2011 21:15

Thanks Witch

My first ever in 4 years on here

Witchofthenorth · 03/11/2011 21:18

Wasn't meant to be a dig WoTmania, sorry if it read that way, was only making the point :)

GetOrfMo1Land · 03/11/2011 21:20

Oh nooooo I know you as KatieScarlett - can you not name change to something similar, like CatherineVermillion or something?

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