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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

communication

210 replies

AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:27

we live a ten minute walk from school. there are few busy roads on way. also some drug addicts/drinkers hanging on corners etc. do u think a husband and wife should talk about whether or not their young (both under 10) kids should be walked or driven to school? or should one parent make the decision and not offer the other one any consultation reasons and behind it?

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 02/11/2011 16:30

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:33

Thanks STRANDEDBEAR, but why does the parent doing the walking/driving get final say? This is about the children, should the two parents not talk things through in logical manner and make the best descicion based on all the facts?

Thats like saying that the parent who goes to work and spends the money chooses how to spend it. Is that the way it should be?

OP posts:
Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:35

Thanks STRANDEDBEAR, but why does the parent doing the walking/driving get final say? This is about the children, should the two parents not talk things through in logical manner and make the best descicion based on all the facts?

Thats like saying that the parent who goes to work and earns the money chooses how to spend it. Is that the way it should be?

OP posts:
NellyMelba · 02/11/2011 16:37

whats to talk about

i am sure you both want the kids to be safe

i agree the one doing the walking/driving should get the final say. Otherwise if the other one wants to do it another way, they can feel free to do so.

StrandedBear · 02/11/2011 16:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:38

ok NELLY MELBA so whoever performs the task gets final say? So whoever earns the money chooses how to spend it?

OP posts:
Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:39

StrandedBear Wed 02-Nov-11 16:38:09
Because that is the parent that has to do the journey. There should be a discussion, but I think that if the parent doing the journey doesn't feel safe walking or believes going in the car is a waste of money then it is that parent that has to do the journey day in day out, twice.

Money is different, that affects all parties involved. The trip to school only effects the parent doing the journey.

No the trip to school potentially affects the childrens safety and the environment? Not all about the parent at all

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 16:41

I never even discussed how I would get DC to school with DP, he isn't around to do the journey, therefore it is up to me how I do it. And no that doesn't mean he gets to choose how to spend the money, as the money affects the whole houseold. How I get the children to school doesn't affect him in anyway whatsoever.

redskyatnight · 02/11/2011 16:43

I think you both get a say. But if school is a 10 minute walk away I find it hard to understand how you can argue for driving. Are the drunks/drug users really that bad at school run times? Aren't there loads of other parents also doing the walk?

IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 16:43

No the trip to school potentially affects the childrens safety and the environment? Not all about the parent at all

Surely the parent making this journey can be trusted to make this decision themself?

StrandedBear · 02/11/2011 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:45

IneedAbetterNickname

Any potential safety and environmental concerns are for both parents to decide on not one surely? The potential hazards and environmental damage affect everybody dont they? Same as the money does?

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 16:47

If my DP can't trust me to decide the safest way to get 2 children to a school 5 mins away then he shouldnt have had the children with me imo!

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:47

No the trip to school potentially affects the childrens safety and the environment? Not all about the parent at all

Surely the parent making this journey can be trusted to make this decision themself?

CAN THEY? SO EVERYBODY IS EQUALLY QUALIFIED AND COMPETENT IN LIFE ARE THEY????

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Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:50

If my DP can't trust me to decide the safest way to get 2 children to a school 5 mins away then he shouldnt have had the children with me imo!

WAS 10 MINS AWAY BUT THATS UNIMPORTANT. WHEN U ADD ALL THE TIME UP OVER THE COURSE OF THE JOURNEYS IT ADDS UP TO A SUBSTANTIAL TIME EXPOSED TO HAZARDS OR DAMAGING ENVIRONMENT.

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 02/11/2011 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deliaskis · 02/11/2011 16:52

Have not posted on mn for a few days, having had nothing interesting to say (and this isn't interesting either so don't hold your breath), but am I the only one who is utterly baffled by this whole thread?

I keep re-reading it, but it just keeps sounding...well...a little bit nuts TBH.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:53

StrandedBear Wed 02-Nov-11 16:50:50
Why are you shouting OP?

STRANDED BEAR I WASNT shouting i was trying to differentiate my words from the replies. sincere apologies for the confusion

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 16:54

But I let DP take the children to the seaside/town/museum/wherever for the day, without first discussing the 'safety' issues. He is perfectly capable of knowing the risks of these places for himself. Had he not been I doubt I would have wanted babies with him. And I agree how dangerous can it be walking past drunks/crossing busy roads with a parent (and presumably other parents on school run) be? There are often drunks along the canal on our walk into town, I still walk past them. Quite often they say 'hi' to me, occasionaly ask me how my kids are. What's the risk?

MissTinaTeaspoon · 02/11/2011 16:55

Not just me then delia Confused

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 16:57

Totally agree Deliaskis. I can only presume the OP was expecting very different answers and is now footstamping.

And my tuppenceworth, since presumably it is the same parent who will either walk or drive the children to school, it is their choice. If the other parent is strongly against the choice made, they may feel free to do the school run themselves.

StrandedBear · 02/11/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pozzled · 02/11/2011 16:59

If one parent wants the children to walk on their own to school, I think that should be discussed. But if the children are accompanied, then no, of course not. It's a minor decision. The parent with them is responsible for their safety and will take the decision.

OP, you seem overly stressed about this journey. Are you sure you are assessing the risks objectively? Is the area that you live in really so bad that an adult and two children can not walk to and from school safely in broad daylight?

IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 16:59

I'm utterly baffled by it too, commenting in the hope it will become clear at some point!

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 17:01

StrandedBear

Out of interest which parent are you? Are you the one doing the school run who thinks that the other should let them do what they want because they are the one doing it, or are you the parent that doesn't have to do it and think they have more swing in the conversation?

CANT DO ITALLICS SORRY BUT AM DEFO NOT SHOUTING.. WHY DOES IT MATTER WHICH PARENT I AM?? THE WHOLE POINT IS TO THINK LOGICALLY NOT RULED BY EMOTIONS

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