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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

communication

210 replies

AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:27

we live a ten minute walk from school. there are few busy roads on way. also some drug addicts/drinkers hanging on corners etc. do u think a husband and wife should talk about whether or not their young (both under 10) kids should be walked or driven to school? or should one parent make the decision and not offer the other one any consultation reasons and behind it?

OP posts:
GreenBlueRed · 02/11/2011 18:32

Driving is bad for children and the environment, and is no quicker. No discussion or communication required, walking makes the most sense. Drug addicts/drinkers are irrelevant, as they are not going to either sell drugs or give their booze away to a child accompanied by a parent.

There, do I win the prize for critical thinking?

Maryz · 02/11/2011 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 02/11/2011 18:33

By the way, hello Gabby.

[waves]

JamieComeHome · 02/11/2011 18:34

nah, not Gabby. I liked Gabby.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:35

sorry if am breaking code and ettiquete on here. I appreciate it muct be confusing. I also appreciate for what i accept is poor in the way i have communicated my thread. Forget the situtaion for a minute. Let suggest it is about choosing which school to go to in first place?

Should the parents consult and debate to reach descicions for children (no matter how small if one has real conccerns) (surely in a loving relationship you would want to reassure your partner) not just arrogantly say Im doing it like this and thats that? What sort of relationship is that?

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 18:38

If my DP was the one doing the school run, and he wanted to drive, I'd tell him he was a tit, but ultimately it would be HIS decision. If he is too lazy to walk round the corner, that's up to him! I prefer to walk while boys scoot/run/walk/ride bikes. LOGICALLY walking makes more sense with our school, but he could still chose if that were his decision!

giyadas · 02/11/2011 18:39

Why the sudden changing of the goalposts?

Jamie- I liked Gabby too. This isn't him.

TandB · 02/11/2011 18:39

[sulks at having contribution ignored]

Maryz · 02/11/2011 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieComeHome · 02/11/2011 18:41

I agree with Ineed. Logically, you can't make someone agree with you, even if you are right.

ObiWan · 02/11/2011 18:41

But the situation is relevant. Context matters.

I don't expect my husband to phone from the supermarket to ask what to do if they have sold out of our usual brand of butter.

But if he unilaterally decided to invest our life savings in the dairy, I'd be cross.

JamieComeHome · 02/11/2011 18:42

and I feel quite strongly about the walking to school thing, actually.

JamieComeHome · 02/11/2011 18:45

I think I might be sort of agreeing with you OP, assuming you are the one arguing for walking to school Wink. If you feel strongly about something then you should be entitled to discuss it. The way you discuss it is paramount though, and I think that's what is putting some people off .

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 02/11/2011 18:45

"But Hecate would you ask your dh whether it was ok to walk your children to school or if you should drive, or would he assume you were an adult and could make that decision?"

No. Not at all. I must have missed where the OP said he expected his wife to ask him whether it was ok.

I would discuss it with him, if he wanted to discuss it and more than happily tell him why I was choosing to walk/drive and happily listen to his pov.

And you know what, if I didn't much care which I did, but one really really mattered to him - I'd probably do it.

If I felt just as strongly as he did, and neither of us could convince the other, then I'd say, you know what? I hear what you are saying, but I disagree. If I'm taking them, I'll do X. If you don't like that, feel free to take them and do Y.

What I wouldn't do is not exchange opinions, not listen to his pov, not discuss our reasoning or have a my way or the highway attitude.

MenopausalHaze · 02/11/2011 18:46

I think now is the right time to STOP and think about the poor, pitiable and no doubt thoroughly miserable woman who is married to this most critical of modern thinkers. My heart goes out to her. I know you will all join me.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:47

Maryz Wed 02-Nov-11 18:33:01
But Hecate would you ask your dh whether it was ok to walk your children to school or if you should drive, or would he assume you were an adult and could make that decision?

I mean, it's not exactly the same as deciding what school to go to, where to live, how to spend income, what car to buy, those types of decisions.

If she has to "come to a decision" with this, is she allowed to decide what to have for dinner, or whether to go to the park. What decisions can she make on her own, and what ones have to be discussed?

I COULDNT CARE LESS WHAT SHE EATS THAT IS HER BUSINESS. AND GOING TO PARK. BUT I BELIEVE I SHOULD BE CONSULTED ABOUT DAILY ROUTING FOR CHILDREN

OP posts:
auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 18:48

i would be majorly pissed off if my husband told me how to take the DC to school.....most of the time i walk, but sometime i drive...what ever takes my fancy or if i am going shopping/visiting or anything else that needs the car.

MenopausalHaze · 02/11/2011 18:50

Seriously OP - she should leave you with the utmost possible haste. You sound very very aggressive and controlling. Get some help.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 18:50

BUT I BELIEVE I SHOULD BE CONSULTED ABOUT DAILY ROUTING FOR CHILDREN.....can i ask why.

if you are not taking the DC to school don't you trust your wife to keep her children safe on the school run

GalaxyWeaver · 02/11/2011 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:52

BUT I BELIEVE I SHOULD BE CONSULTED ABOUT DAILY ROUTING FOR CHILDREN. SORRY I MEANT ROUTINE NOT ROUTING, THOUGH APT CHOICE OF WORDS ON THIS OCCASSION

aND THE ANSWER IS BECAUSE ITS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THEIR DAY. AND I BELIEVE IN CO PARENTING

OP posts:
grovel · 02/11/2011 18:53

Blimey.

TandB · 02/11/2011 18:54

If you believe in co-parenting then it is open to you to take them to school yourself.

Problem solved.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:55

MenopausalHaze Wed 02-Nov-11 18:50:18
Seriously OP - she should leave you with the utmost possible haste. You sound very very aggressive and controlling. Get some help.

SHE DID YEARS AGO LOL. WELL KICKED ME OUT ACTUALLY. AND BOTH HAPPIER FOR IT. BUT THATS BESIDE POINT I STILL PLAY VERY ACTIVE PART IN KIDS LIFE, PAY ALL MY CHILD SUPPORTS ETC ETC AND MORE. I DONT THINK I SHOULD LOSE THE RIGHT TO CO PARENT THOUGH.

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 02/11/2011 18:55

Can someone with better eyesight than me do me a favour?

I've read the thread but I can't find the post where the OP says he is telling his wife how she should take the children to school

I can see lots saying he feels it should be a joint decision and he wants to discuss it, but I can't see the one where he is saying he is telling her what to do, but you're all responding to that comment.

could someone c&p it for me, or give me the time of the post and I'll find it. ta muchly.