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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

communication

210 replies

AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:27

we live a ten minute walk from school. there are few busy roads on way. also some drug addicts/drinkers hanging on corners etc. do u think a husband and wife should talk about whether or not their young (both under 10) kids should be walked or driven to school? or should one parent make the decision and not offer the other one any consultation reasons and behind it?

OP posts:
TandB · 02/11/2011 19:12

[beats head on desk]

When she is with the children it is HER time as well as theirs. She isn't a nanny or paid help. She is their mother and she is a person in her own right and has the absolute final say on things that affect all of them.

If you feel that strongly about this issue then you will simply have to re-order your life to take over this aspect of the childcare. That shouldn't be a problem since you expect her to re-order her life to fall in line with your wishes.

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/11/2011 19:12
Shock

There are no words.....

101North · 02/11/2011 19:13

So, (I'm trying to think out loud here) AIBUmememe... is a parent who is responsible for the school run/walk/drive and has been told by her OH (not shouting but acronymming) that the school run/walk/drive is too dangerous to be running/walking/driving at the appropriate times due to drunk drugtakers hanging about between their home and the school which is ten minutes away.

or...

AIBUmememe... is the parent who does not do the school run etc etc with the kids and would like their OH (not shouting etc etc) to be aware of the potential problems that can be thrown up by drunk drugtakers sprawling over the pavement during 8.30am and 9am in the morning and 3 - 3.40pm in the afternoon.

And she/he would like us to answer his/her query of, "Should they, as parents talk about the issue at hand, or not?"

erm.........yes. talk about it. with your OH (I'm NOT SHOUTING) Grin

TandB · 02/11/2011 19:13

Katiescarlett - unfortunately it seems that there are many words. And most of them in BLOCK CAPITALS.

MenopausalHaze · 02/11/2011 19:14

You are absolutely right Katie - there are no words. No words that will get through to this buffoon somewhat intractable OP, no words that will make the poor ex-wife's load any lighter. There just are no words.

FabbyChic · 02/11/2011 19:14

Seriously if she has a car to use why should she not use it to take the kids to school? If it's a nice day why shouldn't she walk the kids to school, seriously please tell me when did it become your decision how she gets the kids to school?

If you are that bothered about it why don't you change your job and take the kids yourself how you choose to take them.

And environment my backside one car one the road or off the road makes no difference to ozone layer. Given a choice I drive my son to the station it's a five minute walk seriously, but hey if its cold and wet Im going to drive him and fuck those who say Im damaging the environment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2011 19:15

STOP SHOUTING, IT IS MAKING YOU LOOK COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE. Either bold using * or italicise using ^. People will listen better, I promise.

BarryStar · 02/11/2011 19:15

So, she won't discuss it with you? And you, seem to, strongly object that she won't discuss it? So the inference for me is that, whichever way the children get to school, you dislike? But she won't talk about it?

Ok - why won't she talk about it then? What does she say when you ask her to discuss it? And what, exactly, are your objections (apart from drug addicts/alcoholics etc who are probably still in bed in morning, and too out of it to care in afternoon)?

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:15

kungfupannda Wed 02-Nov-11 19:12:24
[beats head on desk]

When she is with the children it is HER time as well as theirs. She isn't a nanny or paid help. She is their mother and she is a person in her own right and has the absolute final say on things that affect all of them.

NO SHE ISNT PAID HELP. NEVER SAID SHE WAS I SAID I WANTED CONSULTATION ON DAILY ROUTINE MATTERS.

WHY DOES SHE HAVE ABSOLUTE FINAL SAY ON ALL THINGS THAT MIGHT AFFECT THEM? IM THEIR PARENT TOO.

OP posts:
LineRunnerBonfireMother · 02/11/2011 19:15

Late to this thread, but have just read all of it....

OP you say you cannot take the children to school yourself, and you appear to be the non-resident parent.

So no, I don't think that your ex-spouse needs to consult you on arrangements to which you are unable to make a contribution.

FabbyChic · 02/11/2011 19:17

So you don't live with the mother yet you want to dictate how she takes the children to school? Sorry you are being unreasonable, unless of course she is a danger to other drivers and her children then I can see no reason why it is any business of yours.

I guess when she meets someone new you are going to want to give them the third degree before she shags him?

GalaxyWeaver · 02/11/2011 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:19

FABBYCHIC

u sound like a really considerate person. world needs more like you

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 19:19

I was thinking the same of your post, MrsTP, that OP is "used to browbeating convincing people to agree with you?"

And have you noticed, that despite being asked by several posters to STOP SHOUTING, and told of the normal modes of distinguishing quotes from own comments (italics, bold, quote marks), OP persists in doing just what he wants? Gives a bit of a clue of just what his idea of communication consists of and it's all one way.

AIBUmememememe (and my, doesn't that name just suit Grin) - do you truly not see that all your bibbling about logic and linking to critical thinking, and over such a minor matter too, makes you look both pretentious and a bit of a dick?

auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 19:19

so now you want to control over if your exwife can drink in the evening.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:21

LineRunnerBonfireMother Wed 02-Nov-11 19:15:46
Late to this thread, but have just read all of it....

OP you say you cannot take the children to school yourself, and you appear to be the non-resident parent.

So no, I don't think that your ex-spouse needs to consult you on arrangements to which you are unable to make a contribution.

I PAID FOR THE CAR, AFTER SEPERATION, WITHOUT NEEDING TO. WITH THE MONEY FROM THE JOB I REFUSE TO CHANGE IS THAT ENOUGH OF CONTRIBTUION FOR YOU??

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/11/2011 19:23

I am a considerate person, however you are in the wrong here, how she takes the children to school is really not a concern for you, only if she is a danger to your children or others should she not drive.

Maryz · 02/11/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 02/11/2011 19:23

OK, let's have a bit of transparency, OP.

Clearly you don't like the method of child-transportation she has chosen. Otherwise this would be a non-issue. You would not presumably be wanting to have a conversation along the lines of:

OP - I want to discuss how you take the children to school
Wife - we are walking
OP - I want you to walk
Wife - we are walking, I just told you
OP - but I think we should discuss you walking

So the bottom line is that she has chosen one method and you want her to choose the other one.

That's the problem, isn't it?

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:24

auntiepicklebottom2 Wed 02-Nov-11 19:19:58
so now you want to control over if your exwife can drink in the evening.

WHO SAID THAT? I JUST WANT HER NOT TO TURN UP TO SCHOOL OVER THE DRINK DRIVE LIMIT WITH CHILDREN? IS THAT REALLY CONTROLLING? AM I A BAD EX HUSBAND FOR THAT?

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 19:24

I don't discuss every aspect of DC daily routine with DP, as he is at work and therefore it doesn't affect him. Yes it affects our DC but my DP trusts me to make the best decision for them. For example, I decided to take the DC to a craft club once a week. I didn't discuss this with DP as he is at work when we go, and therfore unaffected by it!

101North · 02/11/2011 19:26

You're not an english teacher, are you OP (I'M. NOT. SHOUTING, I'M ACRONYM-ING).

Whatmeworry · 02/11/2011 19:27

OP you are increasingly coming across as an inconsiderate and controlling person - and that is being polite.

I can only think that if just the way to school requires this much planning and reporting, with (on the evidence so far) fuck all listening and reasoning on your side, then dealing with you probably fits into the "Life is Too short" bracket.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:27

I HAVE TO GO. CHAMPIONS LEAGUE KICKING OFF. CHAT TOMOZZ

OP posts:
TandB · 02/11/2011 19:28

Ooh, lucky us!

Do you think tomorrow will come quicker if we all go to bed right now?