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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

communication

210 replies

AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 16:27

we live a ten minute walk from school. there are few busy roads on way. also some drug addicts/drinkers hanging on corners etc. do u think a husband and wife should talk about whether or not their young (both under 10) kids should be walked or driven to school? or should one parent make the decision and not offer the other one any consultation reasons and behind it?

OP posts:
GalaxyWeaver · 02/11/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:56

kungfupannda Wed 02-Nov-11 18:54:44
If you believe in co-parenting then it is open to you to take them to school yourself.

Problem solved.

WOW. YOU SHOULD WORK FOR THE UNITED NATIONS. YOU SEEM SO BRIGHT. I CANT I WORK AT THAT TIME OF DAY. SHE IS STAY AT HOME MUM. WITH MY FULL SUPPORT

OP posts:
TandB · 02/11/2011 18:57

Oh good grief.

You don't even live with her and you want to dictate how she manages day to day care for the children?

Yes, you have the right to be involved in important decisions.

No, you don't have the right to use the children to micro-manage every aspect of her day.

stickylittlefingers · 02/11/2011 18:57

AIBUmememememe. When you discuss this with your OH, will you perhaps not shout, not be confrontational, and listen to what she says? Because the way you're behaving on this thread, I really wonder how possible it is to have decent discussion with you.

Obviously we have no idea about this route, your DC's routine and so on, and whether it needs discussion or not. I guess if you want to discuss something, you can ask your OH to discuss it with you. In a normal relationship, this would be fine. However, if any "discussion" quickly turns into a shouting match/my way or the highway - well, then you can hardly blame someone for not wanting to discuss any issue with you.

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 18:58

anybody gonna respond to hecategodessofthenights answers? whats wrong? he/she seems to be talking without and agenda,

OP posts:
TandB · 02/11/2011 18:59

x-posted

Don't be such a tit, OP.

If she is competent to be a SAHM to your children then she is competent to make simple decisions about getting them from point A to point B.

When she expresses a wish to take them to school by racing camel then you might have a leg to stand on. Until then you are looking a bit shaky.

Whatmeworry · 02/11/2011 19:00

I COULDNT CARE LESS WHAT SHE EATS THAT IS HER BUSINESS. AND GOING TO PARK. BUT I BELIEVE I SHOULD BE CONSULTED ABOUT DAILY ROUTING FOR CHILDREN

Dont sweat the small stuff, it will drive you mad I promise.

Hmmm - actually, stop sweating it in your case OP.....

CumbrianCooBeastie · 02/11/2011 19:00

For a 'logical' thinker, you've obviously never come across the 'strawman' concept. Meaning, "ok, let's pretend it's about choosing a school/landing on the moon/eating bananas". It's not. It's about walking to school.

I advise you all do it as a complete family, all of you to carry a shovel in your right hands (small and plastic for the kids, of course), traffic cones on your heads, chant 'the chant' (you know what it is Wink as you go), and with those little pin-on swingy tails behind.

Unless you're driving, that is...

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:00

kungfupannda Wed 02-Nov-11 18:57:34

No, you don't have the right to use the children to micro-manage every aspect of her day.

which parts of HER day and not KIDS am I attempting to micro manage?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2011 19:00

You can't spell capisce. It is from the Italian where the sc (followed by an i or e) make a shhh noise).

If your ExW feels that your children are safe going to school as they do, why not just let it go? Would it really make you feel better to discuss it logically Hmm and have her still disagree and take them the way she does anyway? Or, are you used to browbeating convincing people to agree with you?

GalaxyWeaver · 02/11/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 02/11/2011 19:02

The part of her day where SHE takes the kids to school.

That part of her day.

She does not exist purely for the purposes of childbearing and raising those children.

FabbyChic · 02/11/2011 19:03

THE PERSON DOING THE JOURNEY GETS TO CHOOSE!

sORRY YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT?

i said THE PERSON DOING THE JOURNEY GETS TO DECIDE, IN MY BOOK EVERY BLOODY TIME.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2011 19:03

I am so glad she kicked him out. For the sake of the children as well as her own sanity.
(Yes I know that's a nasty thing to say, but OP is coming across as quite deranged. And unable to communicate with normal humans.)

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:03

which parts of HER day and not KIDS am I attempting to micro manage?

and i dont want to manage. i want to discuss pros and cons and come up with best possible solution. I dont have time to go into all ins and outs of the situation. but it is the principle thats important. because it will manifest itself in other aspects of life too.

OP posts:
TandB · 02/11/2011 19:04

Do you think this poor woman has had this sort of thing on a daily basis for the last 6 years?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2011 19:05

Great minds, WhereYouLeftIt, great minds.

TandB · 02/11/2011 19:05

but it is the principle thats important. because it will manifest itself in other aspects of life too.

Oh yes, I just bet it wll....

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:05

kungfupannda Wed 02-Nov-11 19:02:16
The part of her day where SHE takes the kids to school.

That part of her day.

She does not exist purely for the purposes of childbearing and raising those children

YOU SAID EVERY PART OF HER DAY. ITS THERE IN BLACK AND WHITE. THATS WHAT I WAS REFERRING TOO. WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER OWN TIME IS HER BUSINESS

OP posts:
stickylittlefingers · 02/11/2011 19:06

Kungfupannda - I know, I'm exhausted just trying to read the thread for 5 minutes! Poor woman indeed...

GalaxyWeaver · 02/11/2011 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 02/11/2011 19:07

yes it called co-parenting.

but you can not control what your exwife does, maybe she may fancy a few glasses of wine in the evening, then she wont be able to drive to the school.

one child maybe ill, making walking to school not an option.

your wife can judge how to get the dc to school

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:10

GalaxyWeaver Wed 02-Nov-11 19:06:42
do you expect a phonecall to discuss things every time she leaves the house to make sure you approve of her method of going other places with the kids? or to see if you approve of what they're wearing that day? or eating? or who they're playing with?

NO I DONT. IF U READ EARLIER POSTS I MEADE IT CLEAR WAS ABOUT DAILY ROUTINE

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 02/11/2011 19:11

DP just came in from work, so I asked him if he felt we need to discuss how I take our DC to school. He looked at me like I was deranged so I explained about this thread, he replied with 'it doesn't matter to me how you get them there, I trust you to get them there safely'

I'm so glad my DP is a sensible type of man, who trusts my judgement on trivial matters (as well as bigger ones of course)

Original poster
AIBUmememememe · 02/11/2011 19:11

auntiepicklebottom2 Wed 02-Nov-11 19:07:21
yes it called co-parenting.

but you can not control what your exwife does, maybe she may fancy a few glasses of wine in the evening, then she wont be able to drive to the school.

one child maybe ill, making walking to school not an option.

your wife can judge how to get the dc to school

IF YOU WANT TO TURN UP TO SCHOOL WITH KIDS OVER THE LEGAL DRIVING BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL THEN SO BE IT. I HOPE MY EX WOULDNT. CAR OR NO CAR.

OP posts: