Can abuse ever be a child's fault?

[MrsHuxtable]

I have a thread on relationships about my mother but things have come to a head and I want some quick replies.

Basically, my mum hit me a lot when I was a child (not just a slap, but properly with a hover pipe etc) and also abused me emotionally. She's visiting us rigth now and she kept being all negative about me and during the fight I told her how her abuse has damged me and is still influencing my life.

She then went on to say that firstly she hadn't abused me and my memory was wrong. She then admitted to the abuse but said it was my fault because I was provoking her and was already bad as a 2year old.

She is now feeling sorry for herself and packing her stuff. I don't know what to do. Will I just let her leave?

Can abuse ever be a child's fault? How horrible would I have had to be for this to happen to me?

Let her go.

Let her leave, yes. Absolutely.

Absolutely not. Do not feel guilty. She sounds beyond awful. Let her go and seek counselling to help you deal with this.

No, never!

As grovel said, Let her go.

No, abuse can never be a childs fault...let her leave, she sounds toxic.

It is not and never has been your fault. How does a child ever deserve that. I think I'd let her leave.

I hope your ok

I hope she's out the door already

That's what they all say.

No, it's never a child's fault.

Let her go.

No never. Let her go and don't let her come back.

tell her to go and not come back.

No abuse can never be a child's fault.

No it's not,let her go.

No never. Let her go.

no never a child fault, let her leave

NO!! How can a 2 year old be bad?!! Please don't listen to this horrible horrible woman. It wasn't your fault. Let her feel sorry for herself, you didn't deserve to be abused. She's a nasty old witch.

Absolutely not.
You were two years old. No amount of two year old naughtiness is an excuse for abusive behaviour. It is her fault and definetely not yours.

no, never a child's fault

i'd be opening the door and calling a taxt tbh

No. Abuse can never be a child's fault.

Never. Never. Never. Never. Never.

Never.

Get this vile woman the hell out of your life. She does NOT deserve to be in it. All she's doing is continuing to abuse you. Isn't she? Blaming the victim. Making out a two year old child. An infant of some twenty four months somehow deserved abuse? Seriously? If you believe this for a second, she's done a real number on you

Let her pack and slam the door behind her.

And keep her well away from your own DC.

Let her go! How on EARTH can it possibly be a childs fault! Hope you are OK

No never a childs fault.

Let her go and tell her to shut the door on her way out.

Tell her to go-she will always be your mother & good for you for trying to keep an open door, but ultimately she needs to be out of your life for your mental health.

It IS NEVER NEVER NEVER the childs fault-SHE was/is the adult & is totally responsible for her own sick behaviour.

I don't know what to say. My only reason for not letting her go would be to give her a run down of all the ways in which a child utterly depends upon a parent and cannot be held responsible for an adult's behaviour, not morally and not in law.

Sounds like my mother. First she denies it. Then brings out every stupid excuse she can think of,including blaming the victim. Then turns on the tears.

Ex-H was like this too.

Let her go.

Then get some psychotherapy for yourself.

I'm hiding in my bedroom right now and holding back the tears. DH is trying to explain to my mum why I feel the way I do.

She just keeps repeating in tears how she was a good mum because she always worked.

Her flight is only on Thursday so good knows where she'd go. I feel guilty but at the same time have nothing left to say as she can't even see my point a little bit.