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AIBU?

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Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Manathome · 30/10/2011 09:22

Enjoy Brazil. I don't know if you have been before, I have, it's a filthy horrible place that bear no resemblance to the romantic thoughts, say of r
Rio, Ipanema e.t.c. The best part of the trip was getting back on the plane to come home. Have a great time, but don't be tempted to buy a house as they are pushing holiday homes, their land registry and planning is not the best in the world!

By the way the carnival was interesting if you like all that racket of noise, crowds, pick pockets and urchins surrounding you all day. We went to a lovely sea food buffet, it must have been one of the best, the projectile vomiting we both had soon after was the furthest I have ever managed to project, I actually got most in the pan and that was at the bathroom door! with pyjamas round ankles as well, as it was coming from both ends, with my experience I managed to filp form head in bowl to arse in, and proudly got all the other end in the bowl as well, only left with a small stain in pyjama bottoms, but hotel laundry dealt with that. We were both fine after 2 days and back to solid Smile

Have a great trip! (watch for sharks though)

drowninginlaundry · 30/10/2011 09:40

er, thanks for that.... vivid account on your bodily functions. Glad I had finished my pancakes. Not going anywhere near Rio, but north of Fortaleza to Paracuru and Cumbuco. It's kitesurfing nirvana, I hear. I'll stay away from seafood buffet.

PigletJohn · 30/10/2011 10:42

I was just wondering..

DH sees your need to go and will not stand in your way

Suppose you go, and use up the life's savings.

Next year you still have the same need, and the year after.

What happens then?

MrBloomsNursery · 30/10/2011 10:44

I wouldn't go. There are countless other emergencies you might need the money for. Can't you skype?

saffronwblue · 30/10/2011 10:50

Go. Sisters are precious and that is the message your DCs will get. My mother's beloved sister lives in South Africa and they have managed to see each other every few years for most of their lives. Now they are 80 and 85 and they still travelled to see each other this year. I just grew up knowing that they really love each other and need to see each other when possible. And this is how I feel about my sisters too. This has enriched, not diminished, our family.
It sounds to me as if your illness has taught you that life is short and it is people that matter. Taking one trip away from your DCs after 12 devoted years won't damage them. Your DH sounds great, too.

CopperLocs · 30/10/2011 12:03

When I was 2, my mum left me for two weeks to go to America to organise her fathers funeral. She tells me that when she returned to pick me up (I was staying with my god mother), I wouldn't go to her at all and it broke her heart. She says it was like I didn't remember her. That night when she put me to bed (co-slept) I clung on to her so tightly it almost strangled her. It wasn't that I didn't remember her, I was just scared that she was going to leave me again!

My point of that story is that I have ZERO recollection of it and ZERO mental scaring so if you're worried about your toddler, he/she will be fine. Its one of those life lessons that kids have to learn that sometimes mummys and daddays do have to go away for a little while but they do come back.

Fast forward to when I was 10. My mum went through a period of serious illness. Nobody knew whether she was going to make it or not and our finances were a state because she was also unable to work. My (non wealthy) family scraped together enough money for my mum to go on the trip of a lifetime to Jamaica with her DP for 4 weeks. She had been through so much and was lucky to be alive and this trip was just something she needed to do for her in order to rest and recouperate. I've not once held it against her because I was just happy she was alive and well enough to get on the damn plane.

Sorry if I've rambled on a bit but I really wanted to tell you what it was like from a child perspective. I learnt very early on that sometimes, your parents need to do things for themselves.

Being a parent is intense. It's even harder when you're sick or in recovery from illness. sometimes you just HAVE to do things. Your children will be safe and cared for and you have your partners backing. Please please do something for yourself and don't think of it was selfishness. We spend far too much time worrying about money. Yes your boiler could break. Yes your DH could lose his job but why worry about things that might not happen?

Life is too short for Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.

Go.

ellisbell · 30/10/2011 12:10

life is short and either you or your sister could not be here tomorrow. However you're going to feel like this again if a few years time, especially when children come along and you haven't seen them and then you won't have the money to visit. I'd keep the money in the bank for a more desperate time.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 30/10/2011 12:26

Do it. Some things are more important than money.

lady007pink · 31/10/2011 13:53

Have you made a decision yet, iMemoo?

heleninazombiecart · 31/10/2011 14:51

What if..... you go and then the zombie apocalypse comes late and the zombies eat your boiler parts and drive away in your car.

And you go and then want to go again another time because we all know visiting Australia is like smoking crack so you will never, ever, ever be satisfied.

And because you will break the law that says because you have a partner with children this means you must take your entire family where ever you go or you will feature in The Daily Mail as the prime example of Broken Britain Hmm

btw you need to go there, not your sister come here, you want to see her new life. Hope you're researching tickets OP

going · 31/10/2011 15:11

I would wait until your sister has a baby - in one of your posts you sounded as if you really felt she would need support at that time.

It will give you time to save up so maybe you can take your toddler too as I'm sure your sister would want to meet your toddler.

lady007pink · 31/10/2011 15:51

Helen, great post Grin

drowninginlaundry · 31/10/2011 16:10

helen you are a wise, wise woman Smile

got your tickets yet OP?

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