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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:
grovel · 27/10/2011 15:30

You can fly to Oz for £750 and live for free with DSis. And she doesn't have to pay to get to Bangkok.

squeakyfreakytoy · 27/10/2011 15:32

its not "only money" though..

what about when the elder kids ask if they can go on a holiday next year and get told "nope, we have no money because Mum went to Australia".

When you have children, they should be your priority, and I think it would be extremely selfish for a mum to use all the family savings on something that is just purely for herself.

tyler80 · 27/10/2011 15:34

My mum went to Australia to see her family for 6 weeks when I was 7 or 8. We didn't go on holiday that year because we couldn't afford it. I still never resented my mum going.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 27/10/2011 15:34

who boilers can be replaced. Sisters can't.

blackeyedsusan · 27/10/2011 15:36

I can see both points of view. longing to see your sister and needing to keep the money safe in case of emergency.

i suppose it depends on the situation with mortgage or rent, how tight things are, whether there is anything that could be cut back on if things toook a turn for the worse with h's job (eg sky subscriptions/takeaways/making packed lunches instead of buying lunch sort of stuff)

screamingbohemian · 27/10/2011 15:36

Perhaps as a compromise -- take half of the amount you would spend on a ticket and put it aside in another savings account. Add to it as much as you can, even a little bit at a time, until you have enough to pay for a ticket. This way at least you feel you are getting closer to seeing her and doing something about it, and the money is still there in case there's some big emergency.

TheOriginalFAB · 27/10/2011 15:38

YANBU.

Your DH has said you should go and no one elses opinion matters.

You have been ill and this might be the boost you really need.

People often go without to enable others to do what they need.

Go.

deliciousdevilwoman · 27/10/2011 15:40

What the hell is wrong, when there are extenuating circumstances in "doing something for yourself" as a one off?! Answer-nothing! OP-go, you have your DH's backing and he will take good care of the DC. There will be other opportunities in the future to take them on holiday with you. I am sure if you had the money you'd buy flights for all, in a heartbeat, but you don't, and she's YOUR sister. JFDI!!!

DoMeDon · 27/10/2011 15:41

If my youngest was 2, I couldn't go away. I do find it interesting that you miss her SO much. Have you considered talking to someone about your 'loss'. That may be less expensive than flights and could be money well spent on helping you be happier.

StaceymAloneForver · 27/10/2011 15:44

i'd go, your DH has said go, just do it, kids won't resent you/miss you quite as much as you think (or would ike them to miss you Smile)

blackoutthesun · 27/10/2011 15:44

OP you only live once

i would do it

Bloodredrubyblue · 27/10/2011 15:46

Squeaky

How about children learning about sharing and life is not all about their wants all of the time.

My parents took holidays alone and together without my brother and I and we never questioned it nor resented them for it.

Hullygully · 27/10/2011 15:46

gogogogogogogogogogogo

DrunkenDaisy · 27/10/2011 15:48

I wouldn't do it. The kids come first.

I also find it weird that you are more emotional about seeing your sister than saving for your kids' security/pleasure/future whatever.

If you can't work becasue you're ill then it's far too risky. But then you're not too ill for the flight etc so maybe you will be able to work soon and pay the money back?

AgentProvocateur · 27/10/2011 15:50

Go, and enjoy yourself. My best friend lives in the US, and I'm planning to go and see her next year on my own. Your DH is supportive and that's all that matters - not the opinion of us strangers.

You've been ill, and you'll come back happier and rejuvenated.

DrunkenDaisy · 27/10/2011 15:51

with absolutely no spare cash for emergencies....

Fennel · 27/10/2011 15:51

I would go. But I am very close to my sister and when we've lived on the other sides of the world from each other we have gone to great lengths to meet up, so I can understand the urge to see your sister.

Maybe take the toddler not so she'll get an unfair holiday, she won't remember it, but if you're caring for a toddler while you're away it'll be easier on those left behind.

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 15:54

I like screamingbohemian's suggestion. You also have the luxury of not having a specific date you must go so you can book it when flights are at their cheapest.

You asked for opinions and personally, I wouldn't do it if it meant wiping out our entire savings. You say that there's no way they can afford to visit you, (which I'm not questioning) but really, it is their prerogative to save up for that as it was them who made the decision to move far away from loved ones. If your health is suffering to the point you are unable to work and missing your sister is affecting your emotional wellbeing, then I feel it is your sister who should be the one wrangling over whether to make a trip to see you, not the other way around...

SnakeOnCrack · 27/10/2011 15:56

If you book it waaay in advance, then you can get more reasonable flights (obviously). So if you went next May or something, it would be just over £800 or there abouts to go from London to Sydney for example. Maybe give the flight centre a call (which is who I used the last time I went to Australia to get fairly cheap flights), or look on sky scanner. See if the trip fits your budget.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 15:58

Go for it, iyou sound desperate to see you sister.
The fact you're worrying and hesitating about it means that for 99% of the time you do put your family and kids first. This is a one-off and as you obviously put your kids first for the rest of the time YANBU. They would only grow up to resent it if you put your own needs before theirs all the time.

Also agree with the fact it is up to you and your dh (who does sound lovely!)

flatbread · 27/10/2011 15:59

Like Fennel's suggestion of taking the youngest one. The older two will probably enjoy their 'holiday' with dad:)

I am very close to my sis so totally understand where you are coming from. Just do it, it will totally ease the pain in your heart.

sillymillyb · 27/10/2011 15:59

Could your sister go halves with you on the flight cost to oz? Or could you go halfies on you sis coming to you? Price up meeting half way, like someone suggested Thailand would be mega cheap cost of living while you are there - but double the flight costs seeing as you and your sis would both have to travel to get there.

Do you parents have any air miles you could use? It must be rubbish being so far away from someone you love - I hope you find a solution, oh, and agree your dh sounds lovely :)

GiraffesCantDoTheTango · 27/10/2011 16:10

Go!

DoMeDon and DrunkenDaisy I find it strange that you seem to have such a problem with the OP having such a close relationship with her sister and missing her so much. My sister lives 200 miles away from me and I see her every 6 weeks or so and miss her like crazy in between, if she hasn't seen her sister for 2 years I can well understand how much of a need it is to physically see her. I couldn't, and wouldn't, pass up an opportunity to see mine if we had been apart for so long.

FWIW my Mum went to South Africa for a fortnight to visit her brother when I was 7 and my sister was 3 and we didn't resent it in the slightest.

It's important to do things for the wellbeing of the whole family, not just the kids, even if it means one person benefits directly more than others.

Using my family as a yardstick, if I was in the Op's situation my family would be more than happy for me to go because knowing that I was happy would make them happy.

On a sidenote, because she's your sister OP and would understand your situation I am sure she would do her best to ensure you spent as little as possible once over there to keep the cost down anyway. (By which I mean ensuring you eat at home and don't have expensive days out etc as opposed to footing the bill for the OP)

GiraffesCantDoTheTango · 27/10/2011 16:12

And I agree, your DH sounds lovely!

And sillymillyb has the best solution of splitting the cost of one flight between you ~ BRILLIANT idea in fact!

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/10/2011 16:19

I couldnt do it, what if your DH loses his job or your heating packs in this winter and you cant afford to fix it for your children?

If you are well enough to do a long haul flight and three week holiday then you are well enough to do some form of work to pay for the luxury trip.