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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:
GoEasyPudding · 27/10/2011 16:24

I think you should go. However I would suggest to you that you wait until you have saved up some more cash.

This could take a year or two but that time would go quickly - and think of all those "looking foward to going" feelings!

Nixea · 27/10/2011 16:26

At the end of the day it boils down to the fact that you want to go and your (lovely) DH is happy for you to go. Those are the only two opinions that should count here.

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 16:28

OP, I'm doing the same next week! I'm going to Australia for one week to attend my cousin's wedding in Brisbane - I'm killing two birds with one stone and staying with my uncle (who is unrelated to my cousin). He is elderly, it has been years since I met him and it will mean a lot for him to meet me, especially as he misses my late dad (his brother).
My children are 11, 9 and 5 and are a little upset that I am going. But they know it's only for 8 days and DH has promised to do lots of things with them.
OP, do you smoke? Well, if you did you'd have that money spent in 2-3 months and you would think nothing of it.
Don't even read the posts that are putting you off going, you go and you enjoy yourself!
You will regret it if you pass over this opportunity - there are plenty of years afterwards to try and get a job to save for your children's future. And that's not necessary either, my parents had no money saved for us yet somehow we all got through college and ended up in good jobs all by ourselves!

DoesNotGiveAFig · 27/10/2011 16:28

Happy That's what jumpers are for! I don't have heating at my house. Not by choice, I just can't afford to put it in!

AVoidkaTheKillerZombies · 27/10/2011 16:34

YANBU to want to go

But I couldnt do it, to take our safety net away for my own gain. If your DH lost his job you would be screwed and you would regret it.

brdgrl · 27/10/2011 16:34

go, go go!

(If your kids question your taking a "trip of a lifetime", how about you tell them that when they grow up, they can arrange their own trip? Seriously - since when do kids have to have exactly what the adults have?)

Your DH is fine with you going, right? He must see that you need it.

ENormaSnob · 27/10/2011 16:35

I wouldn't do it tbh.

Especially as it entails using all of the familys savings.

noonar · 27/10/2011 16:35

i think those of you who are saying its unfair that the others don't get a trip of a life time and therefore it's unfair, are missing the main point: this isnt about having a holiday, its about meeting a badly missed relative- something that doesnt apply to the rest of the family. ie they dont have the same need.

re spending the 'life savings'... i think this is a very emotive way of putting it! it makes it sound like it is costing a lot more than it is. i know that everyone's circs are different, so don't mean to sound flippant, but... most people would think in £1000s not £100s if thinking about 'life savings'. it's not even as if £700 that you would spend or whatever would cover the cost of a new boiler, or whatever unforeseen crisis might be around the corner.

do it, if you can face leaving your toddler.

brdgrl · 27/10/2011 16:36

well said, noonar.

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 16:39

You have been and are still ill memoo. I think it would be hugely beneficial of you to be able to go and see your sister. I think it will be money well spent.

Your kids won't give a monkeys, I am sure they will be happy for you (the elder ones) as they will reap the benefit of a mother who is hugely cheered by seeing her sister when she needs her. The younger one won't remember anyway.

This is not a holiday - this is a much needed and wanted family reunion. Go for it.

Bloodredrubyblue · 27/10/2011 16:40

OP

Ebay old clothes, books, old toys, CD's and anything else you can think of and the money you make is yours to go towards your trip. Can your sister do the same?

You might be surprised at what you make out of it?

noonar · 27/10/2011 16:40

bdrgl Smile thank you. i am so used to getting flamed, it is rather unexpected to have someone agree with me, lol

fastweb · 27/10/2011 16:41

GO

My sister is the UK, I am in Italy, I know how the missing feels and we don't have a whole day between us.

GO

slavetofilofax · 27/10/2011 16:43

YABU

Going on such an expensive trip, on your own, with your family's financial security would be a very very selfish thing to do. Especially when it's to see a sister that obviously wasn't bothered about seeing you regualrly. If she was, she wouldn't have moved to the other side of the world.

I'm amazed you would even contemplate it, and I'm even more amazed that so many people are saying you should go.

My dh and I go away without the dc for a week every year, they stay with their Dad and have a great time, and I don't feel at all guilty about it. But we would never do it if it was going to be at the expense of our family holiday. Our time as a family comes first, no question about it. And we wouldn't go at all if one of us was in a position where they couldn't work for some reason.

I can't see how you would really be able to enjoy it anyway. Surely the guilt of leaving your children, and your dh, the only earner in the family, to look after three dc on his own while you spend all the family money on a holiday would outweigh any joy you would get from it.

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 16:48

Ah it's so confusing.

Really appreciate all the replies, you've given me lots to think about and some really good ideas too.

I ALWAYS put my family first. I've spent the past 12 years putting my childrens needs before my own. I never do anything for me, I don't drink or smoke or buy lots of clothes.

I love my children more than anything and their welfare is more important to me than anything but I've reached a point where I maybe need to put myself first just once.

I don't think it's weird to be so close to my sister. I'm getting over a long period of illness and there were periods when I didn't know if I was going to be here much longer. It kind of puts things into perspective and makes you realise there are more important things than money.

Bring able to travel means I should be able to work? I can see how it looks like that but sometimes things aren't that simple. I have always worked and will do again when I am fully well but at tbe moment I really can't.

I still dont know what to do.

OP posts:
GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 16:50

I really would go for it, memoo. Yes you could save and go in 2 years or whatever, but you really need to see her NOW.

slavetofilofax · 27/10/2011 16:51

If you thought there was a chance that you might not be here much longer, how come your sister didn't spend all her family's savings to come and see you?

Or get a loan?

If your sister was seriously ill, then there would be no question that you should go, but she isn't.

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 16:52

Thanks getorf x

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 16:54

harsh post slave.

yes, mums do put their kids first, but there has to be a balance and trade off of cost versus benefit. these kids obviously have a fab mum (to be weighing it all up), who has been ill and who is missing her sister loads. kids don't need holidays, they need unconditional love, support and security. the op is clearly missing her sister loads and is being affected by it all (which i'm sure her dh has picked up on, for being lovely to say to her to go). i'm a great believer that you still have to do things as a mum, things you need to do. but i'm sure your guilt inducing post will help Hmm

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 16:54

Slave I think you are being a bit harsh. Yes I know it is aibu but saying stuff like a sister is not that bothered otherwise she wouldn't have moved away is going to be hurtful for the OP to read.

Bloodredrubyblue · 27/10/2011 16:54

Go and have a great time. You have years of motherhood ahead of you and washing, cooking, cleaning etc and if your DH is okay with it then so should you be.

Your DH's opinion is the only opinion that matters and he sounds like a total darling and realises how much this means to you. Your dc's will be fine and will have a great time with Dad.

Do not feel guilty.

slave

What a nasty thing to say;

"Going on such an expensive trip, on your own, with your family's financial security would be a very very selfish thing to do. Especially when it's to see a sister that obviously wasn't bothered about seeing you regualrly. If she was, she wouldn't have moved to the other side of the world."

How the hell did you get to that particular point of view? Shock

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 16:55

I wouldn't. In this economic climate, with you unable to work savings are important.

Ifancyashandy · 27/10/2011 16:55

.... very very selfish thing to do. Especially when it's to see a sister that obviously wasn't bothered about seeing you regualrly. If she was, she wouldn't have moved to the other side of the world.

Way to go the assumptions there Slaveto! Can you tell me how you know the sister 'isn't bothered'? Maybe her DH had family / work visa's that meant living in Oz was the only option?

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 16:55

I think people sometimes forget that there is a HUMAN on the recieiving end, and someone who is obviously in a vulnerable place, what with having been seriously ill.

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 16:56

I would ignore slave's post memoo, it was not designed to help in any way shape or form.

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