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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:15

good idea imperial

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 17:16

That's a good idea re paying for her sister to come ovet.

ImperialBlether · 27/10/2011 17:17

Having said that, of course, if her sister is working and taking time off when her parents are visiting, then she might not have holiday time.

Arrgh don't know what I would do!

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 17:18

IB even. What a div

slavetofilofax · 27/10/2011 17:21

By far behind, I mean be in a position where they won't get a holiday, and for DH, would have to worry about where the money's coming from if the boiler, car, washing machine or whatever brakes down.

My issue isn't with leaving children with their own Dad, my ex and dc have a great time when I'm away and it's good for all of them for many reasons. But my dc still get a hoilday with me, and Dh and I wouldn't go away if it meant we had no financial fall back. By twelve, dc often start to get the opportunity to go abroad with school, and I'd rather any spare moeny went on things liek that than on myself. That's what I see as being the problem, if money were no object I'd be very firmly in the 'GO' brigade.

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 17:22

Thanks for having a look at prices. I'm going to have a good look too. I'll happily sit in the loo if I have to.

We don't have any way if making some extra money. Things are really tight anyway. We already sold my car in the summer to keep dh's on the road because he really needs it for work.

My sister went to Australia before I became ill. When she went I was still working full time and we were in a situation where we would have been able to go over every year. Things have changed over the past few years so we now find ourselves in a completely different situation than any of us had envisaged. Also, I don't think any of imagined just how much we'd miss each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 17:23

ip that is an amazingly brilliant idea!!

OP posts:
spiderpig8 · 27/10/2011 17:24

I think you'd be very irresponsible to go

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/10/2011 17:26

My DH takes the children to visit his family for 2-3 weeks at a time without me so I have gone 3 weeks without seeing my children from aged 2 onwards. (DH is self employed so can take more holidays than me [henvy]). Its hard but its OK and my children have survived alright without me.

I wouldn't be comfortable using up all the family savings. I think I would want to save up a bit more, ebay stuff etc so there was still some emergency cash left. Knowing that you are working towards going to visit may make the wait bearable for a while.

There are lots of good suggestions on this thread to so you can look at all of the options.

No it isn't selfish or unreasonable to do something for yourself. Take care.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:26

only the op really knows their financial situation.
but then i think in some cases (like this), you find the money. there is never enough money for a rainy day.

maybe the op has insurance on boilers or the like, maybe she knows her parents will help her out if something did need fixing, maybe she'll sell something. it's all about priorities isn't it. and i guess for a sahm who hasn't been apart from her kids in 12 years (if i remember right), who has been ill and who desperately misses her sister, the benefit outweighs the cost. she isn't getting into debt for it. she's using the savings (i guess it comes down to whether this is considered a priority or not).

hope you're okay op, you haven't posted for a while.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:27

crossed post

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 17:27

I meant ib too :)

OP posts:
ihatecbeebies · 27/10/2011 17:27

I think YABU sorry, just because it is your family's life savings.

hockeyforjockeys · 27/10/2011 17:30

WRT it not being fair on the rest of the family, your older kids will be fine. My dad is from oz and I was born there but grew up here. Both my parents took trips back there on their own to see family and sell their house. It did mean that my brother and I went without some nice treats (however we did get a camping holiday every year and various extra-curric things so we weren't deprived) because money went on flights, but I didn't even think about it at the time, and I certainly never resented it later on, I understood that my parents needed to do this. It did help that we had one family trip out their when I was 10 so I think that stopped any feeling of unfairness, but for me that was mainly about connecting with my 'roots' and spending time with my grandmother.

Probably not that helpful this anecdote, but I just wanted to show that your older children are probably mature enough to understand your reasons for going and won't resent you.

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 17:33

Sheep, you talk a lot of sense.

Re the boiler etc we rent our house so we wouldn't have to pay to have it fixed anyway. If the washer broke I'd use the sink.

Somebody mentioned saving for the dc's future. My children are very lucky because my inlaws have set up trust funds for all of them that they will have access to once they turn 21.

I really liking the idea of paying for dsis to come over here.

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/10/2011 17:33

I would have absolutely no problem of leaving the kids with their Father - can't understand the posters who suggest taking the two year old. But I would have a problem using up the family life savings on what is not an essential trip.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:33

this comes down to financial priorities and how much 'buffer' we like to have.
aibu to spend my savings on a family holiday? aibu to spend my savings on a new car? aibu to move house and use savings for the deposit? it all comes down to priorities and importance attached.
at the end of the day op, it's up to you and your husband. your money, your choice. i think 'family life savings' is such an emotive way of putting it. it's cash that you've put by.

thefurryone · 27/10/2011 17:34

I'd also say go, life really is to short, and in many ways this is a perfectly valid example of a rainy day. As others have said your DH has agreed and that is all that matters. Your DCs will miss you because they love you, but they will do so whilst having all the fun of living in a house run by dad Smile

OP have a great time.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:36

plus it comes down to the fact as to whether you see the trip as essential or not. from what you've posted, to me, i see it as essential to your wellbeing and therefore your family's wellbeing.
good luck whatever you choose!

cat64 · 27/10/2011 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheOriginalFAB · 27/10/2011 17:39

iMemoo - just go, my love. You have had a tough time and you need a break. It wouldn't be an issue for some people if you were going to see your sister in France/America. It is just geography and a few more quid.

We have very little savings. Some people might suggest we shouldn't buy the iodd magazine. You get one life.

VirtuallyHere · 27/10/2011 17:48

I couldn't go if it meant blowing all our savings. But have you thought about raising some of the fare through adhoc activities such as mystery shopping, online surveys, eBay, etc. And any adhoc work such as cleaning/dog walking? The amounts are small but could add up over time.

VivaLeBeaver · 27/10/2011 17:50

I wouldn't, what if you get a big car bill, need a new boiler, etc?

mynewpassion · 27/10/2011 17:52

I too have no problem with her going for 3 weeks and leaving the kids behind.

OP said that money is tight. This would all their family savings, their rainy day fund. Spending it on a trip now would be the height of irresponsibility to your family.

I think the OP should step back and set up a savings plan for her trip. If she really wants to go, then I would recommend that she set aside 75 to 100 pounds a month for 6 or 8 months and then go next fall or early summer (their winter). This way, they will have budgeted it and she can take a bit of money from the savings without leaving it dry for emergencies.

Her children and DH are willing to make sacrifices to give her this trip. I think she should be willing sacrifice a few months to insure that the family savings will not be wiped out because of her trip.

DoMeDon · 27/10/2011 17:53

I don't have any 'problem' with OP and sis being close and missing each other Hmm I think struggling with missing someone, is different to just missing them. I simply suggested OP might benefit from talking to someone about it in the hope of finding it easier. I personally feel that lots of relationships are too 'attached' and that it can be a reflection of self esteem/insecurity.

I agree with everyone who said you only get one life and my first post said it's only money. Personally I wouldn't want to leave my 2 year old, but that is a personal choice. I think the low cost option with 2 year old would be ideal. It is a simple fact that this is a short term gain though. OP will go back to struggling with missing her sis.

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