Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 16:56

But Noonar, it was the OP who described it as life savings, and all they had. Others are just using her words. If they found saving easy they'd have saved more, so how long do you think it'll take to replace?

Nixea · 27/10/2011 16:57

You don't have to justify yourself to a bunch on strangers who's only knowledge of you is based on a few lines on text.

Make the decision that's right for you, based on the feelings on you, your DH, your kids and your sister. And certainly don't listen to anyone who can spew out anything as nasty as Slave just did based on having no information about the circumstances.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 16:57

iMemoo - all that matters is your dh is behind you and there's a reason why he is behind you (because he knows you've been unwell and that this is a one-off and because you are a great mum). Book it, get the best deal you can and go guilt free.

SansaLannister · 27/10/2011 16:58

I wouldn't, especially not with winter approaching. Times are too hard just now.

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 16:59

OP, will you go to the various airlines websites and see what special offers are out there for Australia. And check out www.cheapflights.co.uk

I'm going with Etihad, every Monday they have special offers and some can be really good. I got a good deal so don't feel as guilty!

It sounds like you have stared death in the face, so you know better than anybody else you have only one life and you've got to live it!

For those saying OP is selfish- she has been totally selfless for 12 years, she will have a break from it for 3 weeks because she absolutely deserves it, then will return to selfless mode again on her return!

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 17:01

If you can cope with no alcohol on a flight, Royal Brunei are as cheap as chips (stops in Dubai and/or Brunei).

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 17:01

Slave takes a week holiday from her children EVERY SINGLE year, yet berates OP for taking 3 weeks away once in 12 years. Strange...

Xales · 27/10/2011 17:04

Is there anything that you could give up and save the money from to pop into a piggy bank so that you don't feel guilty?

So for example if everyone else has an icecream you get to put 50p/£1 into your little piggy bank. Ditto a bar of chocolate/cream cake etc.

It means that you are going without to save for it as something special. It may take a while but there would be no guilt attached

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:04

exactly lady. what is it about being a mum and not being able to do something selfish once a decade!!???! mum doesn't mean martyr. i'm also sure that the older kids will be right behind her going. life is for living. if the boiler breaks or whatever, the money will come from somewhere. it's not like the op is doing this every month fgs!
sorry, overuse of exclamation marks

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 17:04

Just had a quick gander, £650 return to melbourne on Brunei, compared to around 900 quid on other airlines.

slavetofilofax · 27/10/2011 17:04

I believe that Mum's have to do things for themselves too. I already said that I go and leave my dc for a week at a time, so I do it as well as believe it.

And of course these kids have a fab Mum, a crap Mum wouldn't think twice about doing it, let alone post about in AIBU when she knows exactly what it's like here.

I just think that there are things a Mum can do to put herself first that don't leave the other members of the family so far behind. I don't know the details of the illness that Memoo has suffered, but it will have affected her dc and dh too, not just her.

If the question was 'AIBU to spend half our savings to go and see my sister for a week' my reaction might be different. You don't have to go to Australia for three weeks.

If I were the DH in this situation, I would say, and do, whatever it took to make the person I love happy again, especially if they have been ill. I really would, and I would do my best not to begrudge it at all. But in all honesty, I'm just not that saintly. I would want my husband to be happy again and I'd want him to do what he needs. Of course I would, I love him. But I would resent the fact that I and my children were having to make a sacrifice for a family member that chose to be so far away and I'd be angry to be put in that position. The Op's Dh is probably a better person than me though.

Xales · 27/10/2011 17:05

Also ask for money from family/friends etc for xmas and birthdays rather than pressies to save towards it.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:05

lady007, you are on my wavelength totally.

Tigerbomb · 27/10/2011 17:06

I would go

Memoo, go. just go. You have you DH looking after the children, you need to see your sister. He has given his blessing.

Life is way way way too short and sometimes life savings are there so you can enjoy life.

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 17:07

Xales, I think it would be a good idea if OP found out the price of cigarettes and put the money in a piggybank every day. It wouldn't be long mounting up!

grovel · 27/10/2011 17:08

Believe me, slave, it's a bit daft to go to Oz for a week if you can avoid it.

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 17:09

Shhelikesheep, great minds!

Also agree with Xales about money towards the fare as presents...

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 17:09

why are the other family members 'so far behind'?? geographically do you mean or financially? the kids will be at home with their dad for 2 weeks or 3 weeks or whatever. they will be fine and op will be all the better for her once in a lifetime trip at this difficult time. it also isn't worth spending that amount of money on a flight (this isn't a trip she will make every year ) and the jet lag for a week.

AbsolutelyBloodySpiffing · 27/10/2011 17:09

Ooh slave you do sound like a right charmer! You made your point once and that should have been enough from you especially as you know the OP hasn't been well. Yuk - I can't stand people who say things like you've said.

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 17:10

I agree to a certain extent with Slave's PoV re: the sister. Not much mention has been made of that aspect.

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 17:10

The kids will probably have a whale of a time. 2 whole weeks of dad fashion and creative cookery (based on how my DP would behave obviously )

grovel · 27/10/2011 17:12

GetOrf, my DS had a ball with his Dad when I had to leave him for 2 weeks (when he was nearly 4). Had to completely re-train him.

GetOrfMo1Land · 27/10/2011 17:14

I can imagine. I had to go abroad for work a lot when dd was 11, it was wall-to-wall Nandos/Macdonalds/Pizza Express visits, no bedtimes and chaotic laundry. It was like party central for them both

ImperialBlether · 27/10/2011 17:14

OP, why don't you pay your sister's fare to come to see you? That way she can be with your family and you don't have to leave your 2 year old.

Btw I couldn't leave a 2 year old, not for 3 weeks. I'd also be very wary of using up your savings to visit. Is it possible to take your 2 year old with you if you were to go?

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 17:15

IP what a good suggestion - like your thinking

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9