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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend all our savings on a trip to Australia and leave Dh/Dc behind?

213 replies

iMemoo · 27/10/2011 15:09

I'm struggling with this one.

My lovely sister moved to Australia a few years ago with her husband. I miss her desperately and it's starting to get the the point where I just really need to see her.

There is no way they can afford to come over to England any time soon and as a family we really can't afford to go out there.

We have a small amount of money in savings account which, despite being such a small amount, is basically our life savings.

Dh suggested that I use this money to go out and see my sister.

I'm really torn though. I so want to see my sister but it would mean leaving behind Dh and my 3 dc and not seeing them for 3 weeks.

It feels so selfish and indulgent too.

What do I do?

OP posts:
margerykemp · 27/10/2011 18:03

Im in the go camp

But

Have you considered that you may miss her MORE after you get back?

TidyDancer · 27/10/2011 18:08

I really don't think you should go, and it makes me sad to say that, because one of my closest friends, who is very much like a sister to me, is also in Australia and I know how much it would hurt me if I couldn't see her. I just don't think you can really justify putting your family into potential financial hardship for this.

Your overall position does not sound like it can support this kind of trip at the moment, and sometimes you really have to be sensible and allow this to overrule, even when you really really want something

TheOriginalFAB · 27/10/2011 18:15

iMemoo - your health and well being will benefit hugely from this trip. You probably know you will only able to do this once, or at least not again for a long time, so can you handle not seeing her again for years? You can make economies when you want/need something desperately.

grovel · 27/10/2011 18:53

I suspect OP's (lovely) husband wants her to go:

He understands the sisterly bond
He wants her to have a special break because she's been unwell
He can cope

That's enough for me (if I'm right) not to get all tight-lipped about "family savings" etc

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 19:20

That's it fab if I don't do it now maybe I never will. What if I never see her again?
We are never going to be a wealthy family. Even if I go back to work in the next few years I'm only ever going to earn a pittance in my line of work. There will always be a million other things that are more important, more pressing things to spend money on.

Do you know what, every year at Xmas and on our birthdays mil always buys Dh and I gift cards for Selfridges or John lewis. There is always a few hundred pounds on them. I have never once spent them on myself. Every year I use them to buy the kids new coats, shoes etc. It was dh's birthday in July and we used the gift card to buy school uniform. Our kids always come first.
I buy my clothes from EBay and charity shops so that the dc can have what they need, or go on school trips.

At what point are Dh or I allowed to put ourselves first?

OP posts:
Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 19:21

And yes it's very true.

You only get one life!

OP posts:
Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 19:23

Just to say a big thank you to all the lovely understanding posts. It's much appreciated xx

OP posts:
lambethlil · 27/10/2011 19:28

Go! I don't have any contacts, but surely there must be a MNetter who can give you the heads up on cheap flights or even courier- I went to HK for free 25 years ago and my Mum went to Japan- do they still exist?

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 19:31

iMemoo - you sounds like a really special mum who deserves a treat. Please ignore all of the negative posts, go and see your sister and enjoy every moment.

TheOriginalFAB · 27/10/2011 19:33

Maybe you could ask your MIL for money towards the flight for your gift card gift? Would you be able to cover the kids uniforms yourself and does she know the money goes on the kids?

didldidi · 27/10/2011 19:46

There's a difference between "putting yourself first" and spending your life savings which is your safety net in case of emergencies. What if your husband lost his job?

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 19:46

Thankyou sheep :)

We could ask mil if she'd do that, good idea. I think she does know we spend the money on the kids. If she did agree to do that it would give me about a half of the money I would need. We're going up to see them on Sunday so I'll have a talk with her then.

OP posts:
Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 19:48

If he did lose his job the money we hsve saved is only about a months wages so we'd be in trouble anyway.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 27/10/2011 19:48

Its interesting that there is apparently quite an even divide of opinion on this thread. No subtext to that - just an observation.

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 19:51

I don't think it is on telling the OP to ignore anything not telling her what you think/what she wants to hear. Otherwise why bother posting? No-one has been mean, bot even Slave who was roundly jumped on for daring to hold a different opinion.

My opinion stands. I don't for a second think that the OP doesn't deserve the trip, but I thibk that given they can't afford to save and she can't work thereby relying on one salary to just about get them by in a rough economic climate I wouldn't feel comfortable spending all savings. Yes to using half and asking for the rest as presents and trying to save or something. But then I am very cautious with money.

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 19:54

Ninky to whom/what was your post directed? Again, no subtext - just trying to follow....

RandomMess · 27/10/2011 19:55

I was reading through and am glad my suggestion has been mentioned, to pay towards your sister coming back to the UK. Your parents would love to see again no doubt (perhaps they could chip in for christmas/birthday gifts towards the flight?)

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 19:55

Sorry, am a slow typer on my phone Blush, it was to Sheep.

ViviPru · 27/10/2011 19:57

Ah right yes. I agreed with your point NN

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/10/2011 20:00

Would your in-laws bail you out if you spent the money going to Oz and then had an emergency at home e.g. with the car?

If they would then, you do have a bit of a safety net even if you spend your savings.

Original poster
iMemoo · 27/10/2011 20:00

It is a fab item Random thankyou x

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 20:02

Ok, fair dos, I shouldn't have made my last post (about the ignore bit anyway). You're right, that's not the idea of YABU. I guess my hackles rise and I can see OP is beating herself up about this and obviously puts her kids first all of the time. Hopefully she can use the christmas money towards it and leave some for the 'just in case' fund.

NinkyNonker · 27/10/2011 20:11

Don't worry, I too would like to see the OP find a way to make this work, I'm just a scaredy cat when it comes to savings.

sheeplikessleep · 27/10/2011 20:31

i'm more of a buy it now, think about paying for it later Blush, although to be fair we don't get into debt (other than mortgage), just don't have any savings!

lady007pink · 27/10/2011 20:34

To say this from an economics point of view, as an inhabitant of Ireland and with fear looming about our banks and the bailouts - what if the banks defaulted in a few weeks time without warning and your savings were wiped out? Wouldn't you be glad they were spent?

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