AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

[PippiLongBottom]

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys .

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

You are not going to link to it because it doesn't exist.

And where is the post on this thread that denotes man-hating?

You can't point that out either, because it doesn't exist.

'The information given by OP in her first post was not clear and did not allow anyone to form an opinion on whether it was sexual assault or not.'

IT IS IN THE BLOODY TITLE.

She wasn't asking you if it was sexual assault.

So you didn't need to consider that angle.

But you would ask your daughter 'What happened sweetheart?' woudln't you AF?

That wouldn't mean you didn't believe her or were being voyeristic.

bluddy that is terrible.

But a big thank you to you and to pippi and anyone who speaks up about this sort of thing. You're amazing - you know that, right?

I'm not sure I can (or want to) answer that onefatcat. If I was walking down the street with a friend who was dressed similarly to me, and was considered prettier than me by our peers at the time but the man (possibly in his 20's/30's) whom I didn't know and had never seen before groped me, am I really expected to know why he chose me? That makes me feel a bit sick TBH, like I was to blame for having the audacity to walk the streets with my (well hidden) big tits or whatever else it was that singled me out from my friend. Maybe we shoudl ask her how she feels to have been overlooked?

squeaky the default position was to make her prove it in some way

do you really not see that ?

do you not see what is wrong with that ?

denyint the experiences of that 13yo girl is disgusting

and before you say so....making her question them is denying them

that is why she didn't report them at the time

< looks heaven ward >

< asks, are some women really so blinkered they refuse to see what is beneath their eyes ? >

I have seen people post in AIBU before when they were talking about something sensitive, and usually- thankfully- they are responded to with support and understanding rather than the more normal grilling, because posters can restrain themselves from acting like arseholes when appropriate.

Pippi, I'm sorry this has turned into a stupid fight. I really wish I could say to you that if you reported in Relationships or in Feminism that you would get the support you deserve, but unfortunately those boards are infested with trolls at the moment. It is open season on mumsnet to attack and ridicule anybody attempting to talk about sexual assault or rape, I'm afraid, which is pretty fucking disgusting on a forum used mainly by women.

I really hope you can take something useful from some of the posts though- that was a horrible experience for you to have to go through, and should never have happened.

ooh lets look...

a court system that's geared to ensuring that men aren't held accountable for their violence against women

feminist propaganda at its best I would say..

The original post (sorry pippi) did need more details.

It actually (sorry to say) looked almost light-hearted.

That might be my fault as I wouldn't expect to find (that topic) it in this section.

Anyway, I am sorry you had to suffer as you did...and quite frankly I would now do whatever it took to make myself feel better. :)

I hope you find calm...look after you

Ella there was no information in the title for people to answer the OP's question

Can you not understand that?

She is asking if she's being unreasonable to have just realised she's been sexually assaulted many times. Then the OP goes on to give no further details so how the hell can anyone without a crystal ball answer her question?

Really it's not rocket science

Yes the trolls and MRA's particularly target anything about sexual abuse or rape.

They really want to shut women up about it.

Agent - IMO if someone had posted 'what happened sweetheart' that would have been fine, surely?

That's very different from someone stating that they cannot 'judge' until they know more, when the OP didn't ask anyone to verify that it was sexual assault, she told us right there in the title that it was.

Bluddy

Look, when somebody says they 'realised' they've been assaulted, it automatically puts the question into readers heads-'wonder what that was then' if the person didn't realise themselves. The OP states (indirectly) that she didn't think she'd been assaulted until recently when she realised she had after coming on here.
Of course people will wonder what happened and why?
Doesn't mean they don't believe her, don't think it's assault, or are voyeurstic.

OP, can I suggest you post elsewhere for supportive comments.

I really do wish you well and hope this works out for the best for you, but please don't play this out over FB; you'll regret it.

Can you explain how that is man-hating, Squeaky?

Given that there's a 6% conviction rate for reported rape, most rape isn't reported and 1 in 4 women are raped or sexually assaulted in their lives, are you going to argue that the court system is set up to try and convict rapists?

How is it man-hating, to point out that our legal system has been designed to let men who use violence against women off the hook?

It's only man-hating if you believe that all men want to use violence against women and not be brought to book for it.

Bluddy . That's just so fucking shit, but I'm not really surprised that you blamed yourself at the time. Girls and women are given so many messages that being raped is because of something they have done, and it never is. It is because they have encountered a rapist. Of course it wasn't your fault.

so say "what happened sweetheart" instead of baldly saying "I need more details before I can judge"

and some say I am strident

worra - yes there is. I understand the title fine - what are you struggling with?

She's asking if she's being unreasonable to have just realized that she was sexually assaulted. Not 'was I sexually assaulted' (which isn't an AIBU at all, FWIW), but is she at fault for only just realizing.

TBH I find it sad enough anyone has to post that question, let alone that people feel the need to shove it to one side.

I won't regret it, its been 16 years and I have the upper hand. It was a meassage not on his wall or anything. I was polite and just asked him how he would feel if it were one of his daughters. It won't end in a bun fight and I am better than him and he won't break me.

This thread is not about rape, and I think there are already enough threads to have that debate on. However any thread that gets a lot of feminist input invariably ends up going the same way, so is it any wonder that people think it may be some sort of pre-arranged set up.

chicle - I do get why you think that, but it is a very odd thing to say if you've ever read anything at all in the papers or watched any TV about the suvivors of abuse.

What pippi describes is a normal process and I would have thought most of us would know about it as part of th comon sense stuff you accumulate as an adult. I must be wrong, but I find it hard to excuse the comments which are callous despite maybe being ignorant as well.

"a court system that's geared to ensuring that men aren't held accountable for their violence against women"

"feminist propaganda at its best I would say.."

If only it was.

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/.../essex-police-fail-domestic-violence

Bluddy, so sorry about what happened to you. Don't be apologetic about not being "in the same category" as women who are raped in dark alleys at knifepoint (a minority of rape victims), rape is rape. What happened to you was dreadful.