When I was assaulted, the responsibility lay wholly with the attacker. When others shunned me and implied I was complicit, that was mental abuse and was by far the more painful.
Confidence destroyed, self worth zero, I was easy target for those who get pleasure from manipulating and controlling. Abusive relationship hell.
My confidence and self worth were shaky to start with, each episode of bullying, intimidation, harassment and unwanted attention led to more self doubt, there just had to be something wrong with me if only I could work out what it was.
Sometimes the agressors were men or boys, more often, for me, they were women and girls - my attacker was a 21 year old woman, my mother hit me more than anyone, the only people who ever pinged my bra strap were 11 year old girls. And i don't say that to diminish the horror of assaults that men commit towards women, just that no gender has the monopoly on cruelty, violence and humiliation.
And that's the point really it can't be only about telling young girls to stand up for themselves and boys that it's wrong to sexually harass women, although that's important. How do we show all children that hurting others is wrong? By treating ourselves and them with respect? By trying to understand ourselves better? Am still thinking through these things, thanks to all the posters for helping out with that ongoing project!
Coming to terms with the victimisation was only half the story, I know what it feels like to belittle and humiliate others too - it's not nice. Hurt people hurt people.
I was really lucky to meet many other people, my husband included, who just don't have the need to objectify and abuse others. Life is good now, although I am constantly taken aback by the negative gender stereotyping I meet regarding my young son - from both men and women. Am seeing things from a whole new perspective!
Good luck to everyone who shared their stories.