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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

518 replies

PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 22:37

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys Hmm.

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 23/10/2011 23:23

yanbu.

reading some of the threads here do make you think, what once was a Taboo subject....such as rape in marriage the law was only passed in 1991.... then people do realise they where or are a victim of crime. ( who would of thought in the 60's if they husband wanted sex and forced himself on his wife it was illegal.

also some people think DV is when a partner beat his partner day in day out...when emotinal/verbal abuse is just the same.

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:23

Yeah well, I changed it at 19. I passed all their tests though. I am pleased I did it. I still got a lot off attention after because they still weren't small. I was more in control then. Still didn't know it was assualt though. I have a lot to thank my current degree studies and MN for. This won't happen to my DD, thats for sure.

OP posts:
EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:23

chicle - come on, that is underhand, to refer to that thread where not one person agreed with the (fictional?) 'friend' who told the OP not to have PIV.

It is totally different from looking at a thread and thinking 'hmm, I could post a straight question 'what happened?, or I could make a dismissive remark about how I won't bother believing the OP unless she tells me something suitably extreme ... I know, I'll do the latter'.

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:24

No handdived I dont' think all sexual assault is obvious; I said that.
Having read what happened to the OP, I would say that, to me, that is fairly obvious.

That said, I've just looked at the OP. I picked up on the 19 (not the 13) which very obviously changes things. A child dealing with these types of assaults is very different to an adult.

That said, some of the responses to the questions are way out of line.

OP, don't deal with this on facebook; can you go back and report any of the perpetrators of this

hatesponge · 23/10/2011 23:24

I can understand this, OP. I was a very well developed child - I was almost my current height (5 foot 6) and had a 34c (probably actually a D) bust at the age of 12 or 13. Most girls that age are only just getting their first bra, so you do stand out.

My experiences were nowhere near so bad as yours (and I'm very sorry for what you went through) but I used to get followed home a lot by boys several years older than me. Men used to try and flirt with me because they thought I was late teens/early 20s. At school I got used to being groped. That went on for years until I physically attacked the main culprit and battered him. It happened a lot less after that.

It does make me sad because I was an extremely confident child, this made me hugely shy and scared of men. I had a lot of negative attention which I never wanted - at 13 I still played with dolls, I was very immature and found it all very difficult to cope with. In fact I think it made me even more reluctant to grow up, iyswim. I never told my parents. And everyone at my school treated it as perfectly normal :(

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:25

Now that is a great idea chicle - can you report these guys?

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:25

Ella I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with PIV. I'm not passing any judgement. I'm simply saying that to some people it is an issue and without any other information, who can coherent response be given?
Nothing voyeuristic about that at all.

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:26

Good point onefatcat. That was what attracted them to me though, no? Why not my mate then? I know it wasn't my fault per se, but when there are two of you and only one gets groped is that to do with my physical appearance? I have genuinely never considered it this way before.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/10/2011 23:26

Fucking hell AF.

Claws away?

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:27

Ella who did the latter of your two points in your 23:23 post?

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:27

Nobody said they didnt believe the OP though. They simply asked for more information before they posted their opinion. Fair enough really.

Because it does seem, as Worra says, that the hardcore feminists are always waiting in the wings, ready to pitch into a thread like this, and go into full man hating mode without needing to know any of the details.

I do actually wonder at times if there is a secret little meeting where a thread is created simply so that the feminists can come over to AIBU en masse to try and recruit to their cause.

And anyone who doesnt automatically subscribe to the feminist viewpoint is sworn at, shouted down, and basically told their input is shite.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:28

AZZ, have you a specific post of mine you are objecting to ?

have a look at worraliberty 's while you are at it

I think you will find that poster got personal

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:29

I am not a "hardcore" feminist

whatever one of those is

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:29

I'm not getting into a row with you AF so another thread turns into all about you and your opinions.

I didn't say I don't believe the OP

I just needed a bit more info before I acted like a sheep and posted YABU without a second thought.

This is my last post to you because the thread is about the OP

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:29

chicle - worra's post of 22:41 on the first page, and her follow-up. Clear as anything - she say she couldn't judge until she knew what happened.

I hope she was posting without thinking but it was a staggeringly crass thing to say.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 23/10/2011 23:30

squeaky - that's a big chip you've got there.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:30

Sorry can you point out the man-hating on this thread?

And you still haven't linked to the thread where someone thought holding a door open for her constituted an assault.

You are in danger of looking as if you just make things up Squeaky. Stereotyped anti-feminist things. I'm sure you don't want to look like that, it makes you look a little... unreasonable. At least you're in the right section for that though.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:33

WL what would OP have had to say after your request for "more information" to get your support ?

go into detail about the assaults ?

why would you need to know the detail ?

it isn't asking like a "sheep" to have your default position to be that you beoieve a woman who says she has been sexually assaulted as a 13yo

have any of you any reason to disbelieve her ?

that is the question here

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:33

So it's like this:

Woman says 'I've just realized I've been sexually assaulted'

Instead of simply accepting her premise that sexual assault did happen, and discussing her point about whether or not she should have realized, it's now considered ok to say outright that you're not sure whether to believe her without more evidence?

What if I posted 'I've just realized I've been grieving for my dead dad' - would you get back to say 'hmm, please do check his pulse before I make up my mind?'

It sounds about equally rude and insensitive IMO.

blackeyedsusan · 23/10/2011 23:33

some people are taught to do wwhat they are told by an adult no questions asked. some people are not told this is not normal, and when your own mum refuses to take you seriously who do you turn to. can you imagine telling your head teacher about your last sexual encounter? think how a 13 yearr old would feel? everything was embaressing at 13. these things are very embarressing, even when the fault is not yours and you run the risk of purring yourself through that and not being believed. and no, you do not realise it is wrong at the time. people mess with your head and tell you it is ok, ior you are flattered by the attention, or starved of affection so look for it anywhere. i hope things have moved on a bit in the last 23 years.

pippi your mum let you down in a bad way. I hope you can get yourself some help with this.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:33

acting like a sheep

onefatcat · 23/10/2011 23:34

What do you think it was OP that made you so vulnerable to abuse- having large breasts can't be the whole story, otherwise there would be similar tales from all women who were well developed teenagers. this must only be one factor that contributed to your situation, but can't really be the defining factor surely?

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:35

No Ella I wasn't posting without thinking

Nor did I want the gory details

But something other than 'AIBU to have just realised I've been sexually assaulted many times' would be clearly needed in order to answer the question in hand no?

I mean we could all trot on and post

YABU

YABU

YABU

YABU

But how would that actually help the OP in letting her know if we actually do think she's being unreasonable or not with no information? Confused

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:35

if my 13 yo dd came to me to say "I have been sexually assaulted" and my default position was to disbelieve her without "more evidence" I would be very, very ashamed of myself

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:35

I am not going to link to it either, because I was using it as a generalisation, not a specific instance.

This is AIBU, where quite often people post very ambiguous threads, and quite often get told that they are blowing things out of proportion. The information given by OP in her first post was not clear and did not allow anyone to form an opinion on whether it was sexual assault or not.

The op could easily have gone on to say that someone twanged her bra strap in school. IN MY VIEW that would not be sexual assault. Obviously it wasnt anything as innocent as that, and yes, the OP was sexually assaulted, and nobody has denied that or in anyway said she is wrong.

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