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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

518 replies

PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 22:37

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys Hmm.

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:01

EllaDee, that is exactly it.

OP posts:
EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:01

Why on earth does she 'need' to post her 'grievances'?!

Would it be so difficult - what with the words 'sexual assault' in the title - to assume she was referring to, I dunno, sexual assault.

You may not mean to, but asking her to go into detail makes you come across like a sick individual.

MULLYPEEP · 23/10/2011 23:02

YANBU. Can see why you are able to reflect on these incidents now as an adult and see them for what they were. What a shit experience for you.

Birdsgottafly · 23/10/2011 23:02

OP, I have the same feelings as you do when i am defending my DD (15).

I have fell out with neighbours as because she has looked like a woman at 13, they thought they could behave in a sexual manner towards her.

What i have felt most saddened about is when other women try to make it her fault because their DP/DH are 'looking' at her or trying to flirt, she is very attractive.

It isn't accectable and if any child is going through this at school, i hope that they have someone to defend them and show that it is wrong.

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/10/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2011 23:02

30DD is big for a 13 yo. Hmm

I'm a 34DD as a grown woman with a largish frame. Hmm

Those incidents sound horrible. Of course they weren't your fault!

Physically, in the long term, you are probably better off with a breast reduction to take the strain off your back, but it's awful that you feel you needed it because your head was fucked. Sad

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:03

Cross-post - you don't need me to say this pippi, but though you feel that way when you rationalize, that it's ok or your body at fault, it is A Big Pile of Horseshit.

And frankly if FBing them seems good to you, go for it. They may respond like pricks but that is really not your problem.

AgentZigzag · 23/10/2011 23:03

I'm not sure how asking about the details of a sparse OP constitutes a sick individual.

The OP decided to post, and what she was going to post.

It must have crossed her mind that someone might ask?

TheBestWitch · 23/10/2011 23:03

What did your parents do/say about the incident in the restaurant? YANBU by the way.

AgentZigzag · 23/10/2011 23:04

Sorry, that was to EllaDee.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:04

I think FFS, stop telling the victim of sexual assault how she should feel or behave about it.

If she wants to use Facebook as a tool for coming to terms with what's happened to her, then she can use effing facebook without any other fucker coming along telling her that's not the way to deal with it.

Victims of any assault, can deal with it, any way they want.

Why does that need spelling out? Really, why?

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:04

when I was 13, I was a nearly-AA cup

a 13 yo with a DD cup came in for some serious unwanted sexual attention

it shouldn't happen

what allows it to be happen is people like the ones on this thread who say things like "Those tits aren't even that big" and...

"didn't you realise what was happening" which is really twat speak for "why didn't you prevent it" and...

"why didn't you tell anyone" meaning "it wasn't really that bad if you didn't report it"

think on everybody...think about what you are saying here

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:04

How is 30DD at age 13 in size 8 (or poss 6) I can't obviously remember, not big? My sister is a 32A now. I am a 32FF now which is in proportion to my frame. Those of you who are friends with me on fb, can see a pic of said boobs (an inocuous one, obviously) and they are huge!

Bear in mind that this is a smallseaside town in the north in 1989, there aren't many places to be measured- I could easily have been bigger.

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:04

I think this is the wrong part of the board for this too.

Also, OP was very vague in her original post.. and for all anyone knew at that point, she could have been referring to someone verbally commenting on her bust, or some other non-contact incidents...

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:05

No she doesn't need to post them does she. But if you post on an open forum about them, you can expect that some people might ask what happened.

The confusing thing for me, is that somebody can only just realise they were assaulted many times which kind of implies some ambiguity. If they only just realise, then people will ask why and what happened.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:05

Why the fuck do you need to know every single detail of the assault?

She's not in a fucking witness box here, in a court system that's geared to ensuring that men aren't held accountable for their violence against women; she's on a support site for women.

Just in case that had escaped the attention of some of you.

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:07

worraliberty did you really need it spelling out to you what the nature of such sexual assaults might be?

Anyfucker I'm not the sort of sheep who simply posts a YABU without knowing basic details that determine whether or not the OP is infact being unreasonable.

I hope that answers your question.

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:07

Also, I grew up with boobs that grew much quicker than the rest of me, and were probably my most prominent feature throughout my high school years... I was a 34FF and got plenty of comments from boys and men. I hated it, but I was luckily never subjected to anything worse than that, but I can understand where OP is coming from.

I think though, you should hold back from attacking people on FB for things that happened a long time ago. I dont think it will help you and could make things a lot worse.

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/10/2011 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

margerykemp · 23/10/2011 23:07

Yanbu

But i hate to think of women having surgery in order to 'curb' men's behaviour.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:07

No, she specifically said sexual assault.

Not just verbal assaults.

What's to get confused about? What needs clarifying?

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:07

Re the resteraunt: They didn't believe me and told me to stop making a fuss type of thing. I mentioned it to my mum the other week when it first came back to me. She still tried to brush it off "no he didn't" etc. Itold her that she should have believed me and why didn't she etc and making a fuss is not a Bad Thing.

OP posts:
EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:07

Agent - ok, fair enough, I didn't really mean people asking questions. It was the people insisting they 'couldn't judge' unless they knew the details that I thought came across as nasty and voyeuristic. The implication was that they weren't prepared to accept pippi's judgment that what happened to her was sexual assault until they'd decided for themselves, which is IMO beyond the pale, and plays into the hands of those sick individuals who do probe for details because they are, well, sick.

I do see that asking questions as part of discussing and sharing is fine, didn't mean to imply it wasn't.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 23/10/2011 23:08

Sexual assualt isn't verbal squeaky, it is physical.

((hugs)) Pippi. I have no real advice to offer, just a lot of sympathy.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:08

the words "sexual assault" were used in the title

is that not enough for some of you ? Confused

are you labouring under the impression that there are degrees of sexual assault ?

shame on you

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