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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

518 replies

PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 22:37

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys Hmm.

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

OP posts:
jasper · 25/10/2011 22:46

*I'm surprised (and saddened)that anyone thinks that groping etc. is typical behaviour and ignored by society in general.

Never experienced anything more than an odd comment from a stranger*

me too

KouklaWhooooo · 26/10/2011 00:49

For the sake of my own dd I sincerely wish/hope that the doubters are right. But don't the sheer weight of stories on this thread say a bit different? I am not a natural 'victim' type (for want of a better phrase - not victim blaming at all) and I have never really been bullied, yet the more I think about this subject, the more examples of low level sexual assault I remember. I dismissed/minimised these at the time, but like the OP I am beginning to recognise them for what they are. Mostly at school age, shockingly. Oh plus an attempted rape by a friend of my boyfriend at Uni, but I didn't report that either.

Pinklila · 26/10/2011 05:56

YANBU!!!!
I had very much the same. 28DD at 13, lewd comments from 20 somethings out of cars at 12. A LOT of lewd comment from very much older men continuing even now when at nearly 30 my former lecturer (who was making said comments) is old enough to be my father.
Gropings by strangers on the tube at 14, filthy comments by adults (that don't bear repeating) at 15, Mature students hitting on me at 16.
I can only look at what I went through as a teen an want to protect other teen/preteen girls going through the same thing.
This is why a lot of women think men are bastards.

aliceliddell · 26/10/2011 17:20

At the risk of getting into a fruitless argument about the origin of women's oppression, SaF's point is quite possibly the main thing to need debate. What role can we realistically expect right-on Lefty Boy to play in our struggle? I have a semi-house trained example at home and have no objection to using him as a Random Sample for purposes of close questioning. This strategy does lead us into the (potentially very uncomfortable) territory of the left groups, which as many of us have found have a somewhat superficial commitment to fighting sexism. But where else do we get the opportunity to put organised pressure on?

Wooooooooooooooppity · 26/10/2011 19:31

I think we know what role right-on LeftyBoy plays in our struggle Alice - he tells us that come the revolution, we'll be allowed to make the tea.

swallowedAfly · 26/10/2011 20:41

no tory shagging surely!?

thinks aren't that bad yet are they?

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 00:26

I am very sleep deprived, but have been following this at a distance...anyone tell me off hand when the OP last posted.

Would hate to think that a few IPOAT (thanks Hecate) had driven her away.

There is so much wisdom in among the Misogny....

spiderslegs · 27/10/2011 02:06

Aaarrggh

Just lost a large post

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 02:30

Do it again Spider,

spiderslegs · 27/10/2011 02:38

Duck 'The most worrying and sad post on this whole thread for me is the woman who finds it sick that men have called her daughter beautiful. I would hope this little girl doesn't grow up with a distrust and fear of 50% of the worlds population for her own sake.'

That was me - I stand by it, I didn't say sick though - I said it made me feel ill (& sad) that many, many men had only that to say about my daughter, the women who comment upon her are more thrilled by her bike riding abilities or her big fat fuck off insouciant manner.

My son is more beautiful but no women beat their doors down to tell me lovely he is.

Low level sexual shit seems to be accepted, Verbal crap when you're pubescent - natural

Grope her tits when she's 14 - that's what you do.

Spunk on her back in a club - you're off your tits - fine

Gets worse though;

'Bit of a' date-rape in your early 20s - pph - everyone does it - she was there

Infidelity - some whore's fault

Marital rape - she's mine - surely?

& then & then...?

I speak as a woman who has experienced all of the above, on to my second marriage with a wonderful man, have a fantastic father & brothers, NO reason I should have taken any of this as 'natural', I actually love & adore many men, however - MANY are complete fuckers.

It saddens me that those that are, home in on my daughter & she will have to fight them off all her life.

spiderslegs · 27/10/2011 02:43

It also saddens me that women would say 'she's not that great - cute - but maybe'

What the fuck is that about?

I'm not bigging up my three year old to make myself feel better. Are you seriously suggesting I am?

I have told the truth as it happens.

Women, please.

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 02:44

Oh Spiders....sort of get you. My 13 yr old dd is beautiful, and I am glad she is so good-looking, but I worry she will attract the wankers, like I did.

If people are just saying she is beautiful, IMO that is fine. People say it about my daughter, and they are mostly women..did have one experience of someone who is locally suspected, but never convicted of being a paedophile commenting and that was quite different. Unfortunately, he said it through his elderly aunt, who I think is completeley unaware of what a prick he is.

What do you say to people in this situation? I need to think about how i approach it if it happens again.

spiderslegs · 27/10/2011 02:58

AHH Parsley - I don't think they're paedophiles, I really don't, I just think they're idiots who think the greatest attainment for a woman is beauty, ergo, all they ever comment upon is her looks, & their behaviour reflects that.

To them that is all we can & will be.

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 03:10

Ok. Have pm'd you.

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 03:17

Anyone know when the op posted last, roughly?
worried the idiots have sent her running....
Pippa you ok?

coldwed · 27/10/2011 03:17

roll eyes

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 03:18

Uh?

spiderslegs · 27/10/2011 03:25

Roll eyes

?

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 03:28

Not just me then....no idea what it means, but it is half term...

StewieGriffinsMom · 27/10/2011 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 07:13

Good Stewie....worried that the Handmaidens of the Patriarchy or IPOAT had her running for the hills.Can you let us know she's ok, maybe pm if she doesn;t want it on here?

woollyideas · 27/10/2011 08:43

WTF is IPOAT please? (sorry, off topic, but it's bugging me...)

ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 08:49

Idiots posting on a thread. Care of Hecate I think...

woollyideas · 27/10/2011 08:52

Oh, thanks! There have been a couple on this thread.

MarshaBrady · 27/10/2011 08:54

Ds2 does get told he is beautiful by men and women. He is two. I think it's kind and nice. And lucky him to be attractive to others.

I don't have a daughter yet so can't compare.