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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

518 replies

PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 22:37

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys Hmm.

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:09

No, 'didn't you realise what what happening' does not mean, why did you not prevent it? WTF

Please don't make wildly stupid and frankly assumptions about questions that are asked when somebody states they realise they've been assaulted and then other posters wonder what it is that happened.

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:09

She's not in a fucking witness box here, in a court system that's geared to ensuring that men aren't held accountable for their violence against women; she's on a support site for women.

This is not a support part of the board, this is AIBU which is infamous for being the least supportive part of MNet.

Rollon2012 · 23/10/2011 23:10

If that facebook comment was an underhanded dig at me , firstly it will be reported.

secondly I was simply asking as something like that on fb could quickly turn ugly if as it seems it was posted publicly. and why would you have someone like that onj your fb? perhaps block them.

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:10

I have only realised them to be sexual assaults though since posting on MN (have been her nearly 6 years).

I think before that I just thought it was normal. That was what happened to women.

OP posts:
EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:11

pippi, not that I think the shape of your body is in any way relevant except to the pricks who treated you this way, but FWIW I agree that is unusual for a 13 year old. I was an A cup then, most of my classmates were A or B.

But you should not feel as if this has any relevance - it couldn't excuse their behaviour or condemn yours.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:12

I think before that I just thought it was normal. That was what happened to women.

Pippi, it appears many women do still labour under that impression

and try their very best to make sure other women never have the chance to refute it

StewieGriffinsMom · 23/10/2011 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:12

Oh I will block him now if his response isn't satisfactory. I am one of those twats with a million friends on fb but I pull up every one of them if they post something that goes against my principles and am often deleted by them. Presumably the same will happen here.

OP posts:
TheBestWitch · 23/10/2011 23:13

I think most teens would be aware that people touching your breasts without permission is wrong but a lot wouldn't have the confidence to deal with it.

Birdsgottafly · 23/10/2011 23:13

It didn't really matter what the incidents where as she said they happened at 13, children shouldn't be sexually approached by adults, even if they are the same size as an adult themselves.

The OP used the term 'grooming' in her title, that should have been enough.

The OP isn't that old but there was still blaim put on sexual assualts towards children, then.

I can look back on my life (40's) and say that what i have experienced in my lifetime should never have happened, but was passed of as 'boys will be boys' (but usually carried out by men).

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:13

Ok if people want to split hairs

This is not an AIBU question is it?

How can anyone be unreasonable for just realising they've been sexually assaulted many times?

Naive - possibly

Unreasonable - Doesn't come into it surely?

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:13

Ella, really!

If the OP has only just realised that she was assaulted (which based on this, I have every reason to believe she was) after it happening repeatedly and in front of her parents even (information given later) - it's not unreasonable to wonder about what happened since I would have though that most (not all) incidences of sexual assault are fairly obvious when they happen

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:14

p.s. of course YANBU to be angry about being sexually assaulted. There isn't anyone in their right mind who would think you were

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:14

WL so this post is isn't in the best place it could be

and ?

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:15

I'm not sure that this being the least supportive part of mumsnet, actually extends to cross examining a sexual assault survivor, on the details of her sexual assaults.

"Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club."

We are talking about sexual assault here, not about whether someone is being unreasonable for not wanting her DC to play with the common boy up the road. Hmm

squeakyfreakytoy · 23/10/2011 23:17

ffs.... we have threads on here by people who would consider a man holding a door open for them as some sort of assault.... how is anyone supposed to give any sort of advice without knowing a least a little of the detail...

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:17

And there's no need for the OP to be so angry with anyone who answers her AIBU question since that's what she actually asked.

AnyFucker I do realise from reading many of your posts that as soon as someone mentions they're 'pro feminist' in some sort of way you will jump in and defend and agree with absolutely anything they type.

However, that doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you.

This is definitely not the right section for the OP to post in...and as a rule I couldn't care less where anyone posts.

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 23:18

Worra. I do technically know that it isn't really an AIBU question but I wanted a cross section of the boards opinions and the traffic etc and maybe (really secretly) I wanted one of those twatty male posters to come on so he could be shot down in flames.

I think researching feminist literature and finding my own teenage diaries ahve been the turning point for this, but yes, I genuinely didn't know that an adult coming up to me and doing that hideous double handed grope thing was a sexual assault. Me and my friend pretty much carried on walking.

I was promiscuous and it seemed to fit in with that. Vomitous opinion, I now know.

OP posts:
HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 23/10/2011 23:19

Really chiclit -you think sexual assault is obvious, when it gets minimised all the time. Women having their bums pinched, breasts touched in nightclubs and told to "get a grip", stop overreacting. As Pippi said she thought that this was what happened to women.

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:19

chicle - I think you are very wrong about the nature of sexual assault. It explains why you posted, but your assumptions are off. I'd even say, first rule with any kind of abuse is that the abused person will try to rationalize it.

People do not admit abuse easily. Especially if they are children, as pippi was. A 13 year old is just beginning to learn what is happening to her body and what appropriate adult interactions are.

It is absolutely normal not to realize that something was abusive. It is even normal to blank it out and only remember years later. You'd think it'd be so horrible you'd remember, or you'd react strongly - but it's not so, not for many people. You may freeze, or feel as if you can't see what to do - and a minute goes by, or an hour, or a day, and you think you're too late to say anything. It takes huge courage to look back as an adult and break that cycle, and speak up. Because the first question that you're afraid of hearing - the question you are asking yourself - is 'why didn't I do something?' and 'what did I do wrong?'

That is why I reacted so strongly to the questions earlier in this thread, which I really think are out of line.

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:19

Exactly squeaky.

There was a thread a few days ago where the OP was denigrated by her mate for submitting to PIV.

It isn't always obvious.

Ilikedrinkingblood · 23/10/2011 23:20

This area has the most traffic and this woman needs to be heard. Seems a good place to post.

It doesn't matter how developed her figure, how big her bust, a 13 year old is a child and no child, or woman for that matter, should be treated this way. If someone groped me now I would speak out. As a child, I was too afraid of the potential repercussions to speak out about my BIL touching my breasts on numerous occasions. I wish I had but I didn't realise how serious it was at the time, although I hated it I thought that was more about me than it being so wrong. OP, I feel for you. Be angry. You were wronged. But only change your body if you want to, not because some pricks have no self-control or morals.

onefatcat · 23/10/2011 23:21

No YANBU to class your experiences as sexual assault.
YABU to blame it in your breasts!

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:21

WL funnily enough I haven't noticed you at all

except when I see you being arsey for the sake of it

the title said "sexual assault"

the title

if you don't believe the OP, just come right out and say it

then we all know where we stand, yeah ?

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:23

".... we have threads on here by people who would consider a man holding a door open for them as some sort of assault...."

Really? I've never seen one. Can you link to it?