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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have just realised that I have been sexual assaulted many times

518 replies

PippiLongBottom · 23/10/2011 22:37

I had extremely large breasts as a young teen. I was a 30DD at 13 and my size 8 hour glass figure was very popular with the boys Hmm.

At 19 I had my breasts reduced on the NHS because my head was fucked.

It is only with many years of hindsight (I am 36) thanks to Mumsnet and a recently developed feminist perspective that I realise that all the 'incidents' that happened to me were sexual assaults/grooming and not my fault.

I have fb'd one of the cuntslprits tonight.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:47

Look, why are people confusing asking a 13 year old child "What happened sweetheart" after she's just been sexually assaulted by an adult...with asking a grown woman on a public internet forum for a bit more info in order to answer the question she's asking everyone? Confused

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:47

pippi - good on you. Smile

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 23/10/2011 23:48

I read the Unzipping thread earlier- my very first instinct was that it was a sexual assault.

Yet thinking about more, I realised that when I was about 21, in a nightclub, stood near the bar, and a pissed up idiot yanked down the back of my strapless top so that my unfettered boobs popped out in full view, I put it down to being a (very) humiliating, belittling incident and tried to blank it out of my mind henceforth.

Doesn't compare to what the OP has been through, but I totally understand why it's a 'realisation' that comes with time, maturity, and yes, a little bit of 'feminist' learning

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:48

You are avoiding my question Squeaky.

How is that post evidence of man-hating? You need to explain your reasoning, not just assert mindlessly. Otherwise you look silly.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:48

set up ?

squeaky...take your head out your arse, seriously

the set up will be when we get the red carpet rolled out for the women-haters

I give it 10 minutes

some of you women throw rose petals in their path, it appears to me

BOOareHaunting · 23/10/2011 23:50

anyfucker

"a 13 yo with a DD cup came in for some serious unwanted sexual attention

it shouldn't happen

what allows it to be happen is people like the ones on this thread who say things like "Those tits aren't even that big" and...

"didn't you realise what was happening" which is really twat speak for "why didn't you prevent it" and...

"why didn't you tell anyone" meaning "it wasn't really that bad if you didn't report it"

think on everybody...think about what you are saying here"

That with brass knobs on.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:50

WL Op didn't ask if she was sexually assaulted

she told us she was

your default position was not to believe her

spiderslegs · 23/10/2011 23:50

Pphh - I don't want to do this.

I don't WANT TO DO IT.

My daughter is three, she is as beautiful as I am & already MEN are telling me how lovely she is.

I don't want grown men telling me how beautiful my three year old daughter is.

It makes me feel ill.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:50

Yes, wait for the influx of posters from anti-misandry.

And watch the unlovely spectacle of women on t'interweb bending over backwards to give men who hate them, the benefit of the doubt.

BluddyMoFo · 23/10/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 23/10/2011 23:51

I can assure you that i am not in 'on the set up', you won't see me post on the feminist boards.

Posters tend to click on threads that interest them, i do on all that mention SS, i suppose 'the feminists' do when the thread is about a victim doubting herself/what happened, it is natural to post on your specialist area.

They are allowed to post outside of the feminist board and don't have to change to do so.

BluddyMoFo · 23/10/2011 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chicletteeth · 23/10/2011 23:51

Ella I have read plenty in the papers and watched TV re abuse. What's odd about asking for clarity on something the victim has only just found clarity on herself? Especially when the fact that it happend at all is disclosed by the OP herself?

onefatcat · 23/10/2011 23:52

Thanks for answering Op. In a one off situation it is probably hard for anyone to define the reason for an assault (other than the obvious unreasonable behaviour and complete unpredictability of the the man involved). However, you say you were assaulted more than 20 times. That must be unusual.

worraliberty · 23/10/2011 23:55

spiderslegs that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard a mother say about her own child Sad

I hope she grows up to have a more open/level headed opinion about the opposite sex and doesn't see them all as a threat.

Wooooooooooooooppity · 23/10/2011 23:55

Bluddy, you might want to start a separate thread for support.

But a woman who is dragged off the street and has a knife held to her throat, isn't just raped, she's threatened with murder and kidnapped too.

So there are at least 3 offences going on there.

Whereas rape is just one offence. And what happened to you was rape. You might find this book useful.

Also, Rape Crisis can help you talk through your experience. Even 20 years later, they help rape survivors.

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 23:56

Bluddy, you have every right to name your experience how you choose, every right, but what you have described is rape by definition, and sounds bloody traumatic.

hatesponge · 23/10/2011 23:56

I think if you've been lucky enough never to encounter the sort of man/boy who thinks a girl with large breasts/a defined figure is fair game to be groped/leered at/verbally abused and can't imagine that such a man actually exists, then yes, you probably WOULD need to ask for more detail from the OP.

If however you'd ever been in a similar situation, as I have, and many others I am sure, then you wouldn't. I had a pretty good idea what sort of thing would have happened to the OP from her opening post, because similar (albeit less serious) happened to me.

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 23:56

I have explained what's odd, and if you can't see that it's disgusting to take a premise not up for discussion and state pompously that you cannot verify it until more details are known, then you need to learn a little humanity.

Night all.

Thinking of you pippi and bluddy.

LivingDead · 23/10/2011 23:57

Wow this is a bit of an eye opener, a Woman posts that she was sexually assualted, yet didn't realise they were sexual assaults, and people question her and try to minimise her breast size?Confused

I really don't get that first post saying her breast weren't that large??? First of all a double dd for a small framed 12/13 yo is large, also WTH does it freaking matter you loons.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 23/10/2011 23:57

Bluddy - how you feel about your rapes is up to you, really it is. And it is completely understandable.

The thing that all these men had in common is that they felt entitled to do this to you. Don't beat yourself up about it, please.

AnyPhantomFucker · 23/10/2011 23:58

humanity is not much in evidence when women demand other women explain how they were sexually assaulted or they will suspend their belief

BluddyMoFo · 24/10/2011 00:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntiePickleBottom · 24/10/2011 00:02

no wonder many people don't report sexual assult, when even a public fourm questions the OP

Original poster
PippiLongBottom · 24/10/2011 00:03

Onefatcat, its too difficult question to answer Sad. Is it possible to differentiate the one on the street and the restaurant one to the other eighteen or so that I knew? Maybethey thought because I was promiscuous that Iwas 'up for it'? The whole 'promiscuous' thing or slag as I called it up until very recently was due to these kind of assaults. Ugh. This goes a bit deeper than I am prepared to go yet.

Bluddy, sorry to hear all that. I have similar stories but I let them do it. Sometimes for money (in a kind of indirect way) and sometimes because I didn't know you could actually say no Sad

OP posts: