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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 14 year old can share sweets

184 replies

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:13

My 14 year old step sister visited today with my mum and step dad. Usually we visit when she is at theirs, but today I am not well so they came here.

She had a big bag of apple laces, which she sat and ate a few herself. My DC, 8, 6 and 2 asked if they could have one and she said "no they are mine" and refused to share. Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum and my 6 year old (with SN) cried. They stayed for 2 hours and she kept the almost full packet right next to her leg with her hand over them. Occasionally my DC (the youngest two anyway) asking if they could have one, each time the answer was no and each time they were unhappy about it. The 2 year old in the end swapped his twirl that he got off my mum for one apple lace.

She is usually a thoughtful girl, I just thought this was quite selfish of her, especially as she had loads of them! She could have at least offered them one each. Sharing doesn't bother me with young children, but honestly, at 14 you should share the mass of sweets you have!

OP posts:
MJlovesscareypants · 24/10/2011 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsStephenFry · 24/10/2011 09:02
MrsStephenFry · 24/10/2011 09:03

and how exactly is it pedantry to point out that they are not neices, when they aren't in fact neices? Its not an ambiguous state of affairs, they either are or are not. (The answer is not, in case you are, as you seem, confused)

colken · 24/10/2011 09:11

Has anyone suggested yet that the 14 year old visitor was showing a lack of manners by getting out her sweets and eating them in front of everyone without handing the packet round first?

quirrelquarrel · 24/10/2011 09:12

Well, no. At least one of them is a nephew Grin

Does it matter how they're related! Children are children, you don't really make special allowances for family or not when you're gathered together at someone's house.

MrsStephenFry · 24/10/2011 09:13

no, not a nephew either. And of course you do.

hester · 24/10/2011 09:41

This thread is veering dangerously close to becoming a MN Classic Grin

hester · 24/10/2011 09:42

I rather like the sound of Applelace-gate...

ConstanceTenchOfZombies · 24/10/2011 09:52

She's plenty old enough to know she was being unkind and ill-mannered not to share.

Having a bad teenage day or not an adult should have pointed this out to her.

And the younger children weren't being badly behaved ffs, she was.

silverfrog · 24/10/2011 10:00

blimey

MN never ceases to astound.

hardcolin · 24/10/2011 10:16

She's 14 and sounds like she's going through a rude moody cow stage tbh, or perhaps just having a rude moody cow day.

My rule of thumb is that you don't take food into someone's house unless it's for the person you are visiting, but if you do then you share.

Even at home with guests we share, or at least offer.

She should have shared. It wouldn't have killed her.
YANBU

A1980 · 24/10/2011 10:30

One thing that doesn't seem to have been raised is that the youngsters had been bought sweets by the OP's mum. It doesn't appear (from what I've read)that any were bought for the 14 year old. She is still a child afterall and it would have been nice to buy her some too given that it was known she would be there and that no one could have known she would have brought her own bag of sweets.

In the end the 2 yo swapped his twirl for a lace. "Swap" being the operative word. So after pontificating about sharing the OP did not make her own children offer anyone else a sweet without gaining something in return? But she was expecting the older child to do just that. If you think the 14 year old was being rude in not offering, make your children lead by example, offer her a sweet too and show her up as ill mannered in that case.

ImperialBlether · 24/10/2011 10:33

Was it totally beyond your mum and stepdad to take your kids down to the shops to buy them some apple laces?

Your sister was selfish and bad mannered. She was obviously in a foul mood and I can't imagine she enjoyed eating the sweets at all. She probably wanted others to feel as bad as she did.

As for those who say a 14 year old year can't be a bitch (not saying this one was, but just in general) clearly can't remember their school days.

A1980 · 24/10/2011 10:37

As for those who say a 14 year old year can't be a bitch (not saying this one was, but just in general) clearly can't remember their school days.

I would agree that 14 year olds can be. But in this context, I think the word is too harsh and inappropriately used on a parenting website to another child over a packet of lousy sweets.

MrsStephenFry · 24/10/2011 10:37

And some seem to be still in their school days if they are calling 14 year olds (that they haven't met or know anything about) bitches. Go huff some hairspray and leave the talking to the grown ups, theres a good girl.

A1980 · 24/10/2011 10:40

^ I spoke from my own school days about the 14 year olds I knew being B's. Not about this girl.

ConstanceTenchOfZombies · 24/10/2011 10:41

When visiting someone's house it is customary to bring something for them. The Mum/Grandma did this - nothing wrong there.

The Dad presumably stopped off on the way and bought his daughter some sweets but nothing for the people he was visiting, (and he didn't know that his wife had done so) I think that's rude, and ruder to allow his daughter to hog them.

MrsStephenFry · 24/10/2011 10:44

clearly we x-posted A1980 ,check out time stamp. I'm talking to the bitches other ladies bandying around such words.

ConstanceTenchOfZombies · 24/10/2011 10:47

It just occurred to me how odd it is that a 14 year old's treat of choice is apple laces Confused

pigletmania · 24/10/2011 10:48

I would expect better manner from the 14 year old, than a 6 year old with sn and a 2 year old. At that age you would expect a 14 year old to be more kind and considerate, and not behave like a young child. If my 14 year old had done that I would have calked her up on it, and told her to have a few sweets and put them away fir later

PerryCombover · 24/10/2011 11:16

are your children fat?

perhaps she didn't want to exacerbate a problem?

A1980 · 24/10/2011 11:19

clearly we x-posted A1980 ,check out time stamp.

Stephen Fry I could tell that but after reading your post I thought others might think I was referring to her specifically which I wasn't.

It just occurred to me how odd it is that a 14 year old's treat of choice is apple laces

Why Constnace? I'm 31 and I love the strawberry laces, particularly the fizzy ones. Grin

spiderpig8 · 24/10/2011 11:35

It would have been nice if she had offered them one, but it sounds as though your Dc had sweets of their own.Did they offer her one?
But I think you were equally rude to allow your Dc to keep whining on and to tantrum at a guest.
Also I think YABU to want your 2 yr old to have apple laces

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 24/10/2011 11:40

I'm still surprised that the OP seemingly let her DC go on and on for two hours about the sweets. I would have told mine that no means no after the second time of asking but, then again, I don't subscribe to the theory that a DC should get something just because they're young(er) and want it. Btw I have a DS with SN.

Maybe the 14yo didn't want to be there but felt she had to be in order to see her dad. Maybe she wanted to do something with her dad but he insisted on going to the OP's. I appreciate that this is speculation but it may well explain her behaviour as the OP, herself, says she's usually thoughtful.

pigletmania · 24/10/2011 12:35

Don't get me started I love the website A quarter of. I am also a great Swizzles/Matlow, bassettes and Barrattes fan Grin