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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 14 year old can share sweets

184 replies

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:13

My 14 year old step sister visited today with my mum and step dad. Usually we visit when she is at theirs, but today I am not well so they came here.

She had a big bag of apple laces, which she sat and ate a few herself. My DC, 8, 6 and 2 asked if they could have one and she said "no they are mine" and refused to share. Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum and my 6 year old (with SN) cried. They stayed for 2 hours and she kept the almost full packet right next to her leg with her hand over them. Occasionally my DC (the youngest two anyway) asking if they could have one, each time the answer was no and each time they were unhappy about it. The 2 year old in the end swapped his twirl that he got off my mum for one apple lace.

She is usually a thoughtful girl, I just thought this was quite selfish of her, especially as she had loads of them! She could have at least offered them one each. Sharing doesn't bother me with young children, but honestly, at 14 you should share the mass of sweets you have!

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 18:40

I wouldn't make such a bloody great fuss over a bag of sweets ever tbh

A1980 · 23/10/2011 18:41

Is it me, or is there a lack of basic manners amongst MN today!

There is. Byt eh same token, my mum wouldn've told me to stop asking for something I had already been told I could not have.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/10/2011 18:42

It is kind to share, but it isn't necessarily bad manners not to share. OP's children had their own sweets.

Has anyone mentioned sense of entitlement yet?

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:44

So the oldest should give in and teach the younger children that showing bad manners gets you what you want? Is that what you are saying piglet? That because you are younger you should get your own way however you behave?

The girl had sweets, she didnt want to share them, I bet she didnt choose to go to the house, its hardly crime of the century, I am sure noone is emotionally scarred or starved over it, it was her property to do as she chose with, and hey its a life lesson for the smaller ones if nothing else. As mines get told - I want doesnt get.

Original poster

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 18:47

A1980, there is nothing wrong with my children, they are regular chilren who like sweets, they don't get them very often.

14 year old is my step sister, her dad is married to my mum.

She wasn't forced to come here and sit doing nothing, she chose to.

Yes, maybe my DC were a bit precious whinging about some sweets, they did after all have a chocolate, the laces though are one of their favourites. My mum arrived half an hour before stepdad and stepsister, and neither knew weets had been bought.

And maybe I am just being being an old fud and can't remember being 14.

I started this thread as I was annoyed at the time, isn't that how half of the threads on AIBU are started?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:47

OP should have said to the girl, "could you please put your sweets away until later" She has to learn, just as the others have to as well. Having a child with SN I know how difficult it can be when they have a meltdown as their understanding is not on par to NT children. The normal methods of dealing with it don't work.

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 18:48

All this angst over apple laces is making me laugh

I may have to buy some tomorrow now and scoff them all to myself

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:50

Well Im off to make my tea and Im telling you all now - none of you are having any!

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:52

The kids aside, yes its true that they should learn not to ask, especially the 8 year old should know better. However,its just general manners not to go to somebodies house and eat food in front of people.

Original poster

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 18:52

Oh and the 6 year old has SN. He does not understand why he can't have something that is sitting right there, not getting eaten or why someone wouldn't want to share with him. I try not to give into him like this, it can be very hard and wearing at the best of times.

OP posts:

Original poster

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 18:52

8 year old asked once and not again.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:53

oh dear rhonda thats awful , oh well might just guzzle my newly made chocci cake to myself then

exoticfruits · 23/10/2011 19:17

I would just have taken them off her and said that you would have let her have them back when she went.

youcantparkthatthere · 23/10/2011 19:18

Hi OP, I think the uncormfotable thing here would've been that your Mum didn't step in to modify your sisters behaviour, probably felt as if she was favouring your stepsisters happiness over yours (or your children). Children off all ages have the capacity to be a bit self centred; you little ones not worrying about what adults might think of them asking and the 14yr old not really giving a stuff how they felt. I think this is the point rather than what the children did.

I think calling a 14yr old a bitch is a bit beyond the pale. But for you, OP, to come on here and start subtley boasting that there's a shop near you where you can get apple laces, BIG bags too, now that is bitchy and to not share where the shop is, well! Apple Laces indeed, i think you're just making that bit up, it was probably some crap like starbursts. Next you'll be telling us you know where you can still buy jelly babies in boxes with all the jelly babies lined up on the front, or cartons of Um bongo!

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 19:31

Right, so the children definitely had their own sweets. Therefore the correct response would have been 'no dear, they're Kylie's, you've got a twirl".

End of saga. And, tbh, mega fuss about Nothing.

exoticfruits · 23/10/2011 19:34

I missed the fact that they all had sweets-in that case ignore my post. I agree with GMLacey.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 19:36

Everyone's making it sound like Charlie Bucket outside the sweet shop thinking of the cabbage soup waiting for him at home :o

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 23/10/2011 19:43

Yes, it was a little mean of the 14yo not to share but OP you should have told her to put them away if she wasn't going to.

Tbh I think she was right not to give them one after the 2yo had a tantrum as it would have taught him/her that throwing a tantrum will get you what you want. Also I think you should have told them to not ask again when they asked a second time.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 23/10/2011 19:51

I think she was being selfish and mean. She's 14 not 4, she should have better manners. If she had been at my house I would have said to her 'It's fine if you don't want to share them with your nieces but please put them away because they don't understand why you have brought sweets to their house and don't want to share them' - then fixed her with a stare until she complied. End of. You would not get to taunt a 2yo and a 6yo with SN, with sweets in my house.

MrsStephenFry · 23/10/2011 20:03

They arent her nieces, for a start.

Am still waiting to hear how not sharing sweets with badly behaved children who already had their own sweets makes one a psychopath. I'll call the dsm people and let them kniw to adjust the criteria....

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 21:02

Guillotened you try telling that to a child with SN who has little or no understanding. Chippingin totally agree with you.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 21:06

No, but you can tell it to a 2yo. Otherwise at what age do you start?

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 23/10/2011 21:35

MrsStephenFry - sorry pedantic arse Nieces/Nephews.

It sounds like the other children might have had some chocolate, which they could have been asked to share with the 14 yo, they didn't have 'sweets' as such as the 14yo did.

We wont even get into allowing a 14 yo to swap one lace for a twirl bar.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 21:40

I know chippingIn I was thinking that, not a fair exchange was it!

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 21:41

The 14 year old definitely behaving like a 4 year old, it can be excused for a 2 year old (they are still little and learning) and the ds with SN.

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