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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 14 year old can share sweets

184 replies

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:13

My 14 year old step sister visited today with my mum and step dad. Usually we visit when she is at theirs, but today I am not well so they came here.

She had a big bag of apple laces, which she sat and ate a few herself. My DC, 8, 6 and 2 asked if they could have one and she said "no they are mine" and refused to share. Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum and my 6 year old (with SN) cried. They stayed for 2 hours and she kept the almost full packet right next to her leg with her hand over them. Occasionally my DC (the youngest two anyway) asking if they could have one, each time the answer was no and each time they were unhappy about it. The 2 year old in the end swapped his twirl that he got off my mum for one apple lace.

She is usually a thoughtful girl, I just thought this was quite selfish of her, especially as she had loads of them! She could have at least offered them one each. Sharing doesn't bother me with young children, but honestly, at 14 you should share the mass of sweets you have!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 23/10/2011 17:21

I used to be the opposite, I used to like sharing my stuff. I was very timid too with a lack of self esteem and confidance.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 17:22

I would expect a 14 year to be able to share, we expect 3-4 year olds to after all.

YusMilady · 23/10/2011 17:41

Apple laces? Who wants their young children to eat that crap? They should all have had health-giving satsumas. Bet that would put a stop to the whining.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/10/2011 17:54

Op should have offered to put them in a cupboard to keep them safe, with a smile.

Poor lass clearly isn't given much respect - it's very telling that she watches films or plays on her phone at yours - it's up to the adults to engage with her not the other way round, shes 14.

Your dh needs to try and engage with her, not just leave her to play on her phone.

I'm sure you're accidentally excluding her but more effort needs to be made.

A1980 · 23/10/2011 18:02

That was kind unkind of her. Nevermind 14, I would expect a 4 year old to share.

However Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum that is a bit much. Having a tantrum over not being given something that does belong to you in the first place. I would have little sympathy for my 2 year old after having a full on tantrum over a lousy apple lace.

weejimmykrankie · 23/10/2011 18:05

Don't think the girl is OP's dad's daughter, or she would have said"half-sister"not "step-sister", wouldn't she? Suspect the reference to the "non-dad" was to OP's step-mum's ex.

Pagwatch · 23/10/2011 18:06

Are most of the people on this thread pissed?

A1980 · 23/10/2011 18:06

I would also be telling my two year old and other children that they could not have one. They're full of shite. Why would you want your children to have one off her and fell bad for them becasue they could not.

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:10

Obviously because the little darlings couldnt get what they wanted even though it didnt belong to them A.

Regardless of what it is.

If I was the 14 year old, Id be holding on to them as well. Perhaps theres previous of her being forced to hand her stuff over given the obvious expectatin of the OP and her children.

A1980 · 23/10/2011 18:13

Indeed Rhonda. I can't be bothered to read the whole thing but isn't it also extremely ill mannered to ask for something wihtout it being offered to to you first?

The OP ought to be teaching her children not to ask for things. It is actually rude. Sounds as if they had enough of their own sweets anyway, but good god their day fell apart wihout an apple lace. Poor little hard done by mites.

diddl · 23/10/2011 18:19

I was also taught that it was rude to ask for things.

But as I said earlier, I was also taught that it was rude not to share.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:22

But also ill mannered to go into somebodies home and eat food and not offer it Hmm. You put it away for later do you not!

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 18:22

God I thought I was going a bit mad today. I told my 9yo niece off because she grabbed my Yorkshire pudding off my plate. Should I have let her take it? Bollocks to that, it was mine and I wanted it.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:24

I would never dream of going into my friends home, opening a bag of crisps, sweets in front of them and eat them, without offering. If I was not willing to share, I would keep them in my bag. Its very rude and op should have pointed that out to the girl. In this house you share!

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 23/10/2011 18:24

It's hardly eating food fgs. If she'd taken out a packet of sandwiches in front of a starving hoarde then you might have a point. But eating some crappy sweets when the op's children had their own sweets? Shoot her!

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:25

That different Guillotined I presumed you were all sat down for dinner and she did that, that is rude of her.

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:26

Piglet its a 14 year old child who has been made to sit in a sick persons house for the afternoon with three small children and is probably bored shitless, noone really coming out of the story with shining halos, but for goodness sake have some empathy or are you another of those psychopaths mentioned earlier? [gwink]

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:26

TUT! [hwink] crap typing

usualsuspect · 23/10/2011 18:29

at this thread

A1980 · 23/10/2011 18:30

Piglet they all had their own sweets! She was eating hers, and they had theirs what is the problem? What on earth is worng with the OP's children if they can't see a bag of apple laces without being pre-occupied by them all bloody day when they have their own sweets and things to occupy their time. Had they nothing else to do?

The OP is also upset enough to start a thread on it. Over a bag of sweets? It's ridiculous. If she'd offered them I bet they would have kept asking for more anyway.

rhondajean · 23/10/2011 18:35

What I love about MN is the sense of perspective...

I also learn stuff, like:

only to use three dots when doing the above, because thats the correct format and doing it wrongly sends someone into apopleptic fits.

if I call someone a twit, their entire family may not sleep for days.

my stuff is NOT my stuff if someone else wants it.

Pfffffffffffft.

CheeseandGherkins · 23/10/2011 18:37

Agree with Rhonda, also, I'd be embarrassed if my dcs carried on like that for 2 hours and I'd have told them to knock it off! Not including any SN obviously but the rest of it...

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:38

Is it me, or is there a lack of basic manners amongst MN today! Even at 14 I knew manners and would never dream of doing that in somebodies home. Would you like it if I came into your home, and opened a bag of sweets or crisps in front of you and did not offer, you would be a bit Hmm I expect, the girl is 14 not 4! Btw the boy has SN so does not have the same understanding as an NT child. The op would well be within her right to tell the girl to put them away until later, her home her rules.

CheeseandGherkins · 23/10/2011 18:39

Manners work both ways, it's also not polite to keep on asking for something when you've been told no more than once.

pigletmania · 23/10/2011 18:40

That aswell but as the oldest out of the lot she should know better, and its the ops house so its her rules!