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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 14 year old can share sweets

184 replies

GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:13

My 14 year old step sister visited today with my mum and step dad. Usually we visit when she is at theirs, but today I am not well so they came here.

She had a big bag of apple laces, which she sat and ate a few herself. My DC, 8, 6 and 2 asked if they could have one and she said "no they are mine" and refused to share. Even when the 2 year old had a tantrum and my 6 year old (with SN) cried. They stayed for 2 hours and she kept the almost full packet right next to her leg with her hand over them. Occasionally my DC (the youngest two anyway) asking if they could have one, each time the answer was no and each time they were unhappy about it. The 2 year old in the end swapped his twirl that he got off my mum for one apple lace.

She is usually a thoughtful girl, I just thought this was quite selfish of her, especially as she had loads of them! She could have at least offered them one each. Sharing doesn't bother me with young children, but honestly, at 14 you should share the mass of sweets you have!

OP posts:
Original poster
GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 15:55

I don't think there was a hidden agenda, she doesn't usually do anyhting when she visits her dad anyway, just sits on the computer or on her phone.

She came here and watched a film of her choice.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 23/10/2011 15:57

Sorry Ive just noticed your 6yo has SN, I still stand by my post but the tears are more understandable now.

IloveJudgeJudy · 23/10/2011 15:57

She should not have been eating sweets in front of others without sharing them. Fair enough if she wanted to keep them all to herself, but then she should have eaten them when she was on her own.

You should have asked her to put them away if she wasn't going to share. It's common courtesy.

MrsStephenFry · 23/10/2011 15:58

mumsnet at its finest...calling children psychopaths and bitches for not sharing sweets. And you wonder why some people think we're all a bunch of insane shreiking harpies frothing at the mouth over triviliaties? Hmm

EllaDee · 23/10/2011 15:59

Actually, I think by saying 'she has said no', you probably confused her. She is 14. She probably has no idea what a 2 year old should be eating. Maybe if she thought if she'd given a sweet to your children, you'd have been cross and objected to her spoiling their appetites? I think you should have asked her to put the sweets away so as not to tempt the little ones, or suggested she could share one if she felt like it. Otherwise how is she to know?

oldraver · 23/10/2011 16:01

If she is eating them in front of young DC's, then yes it would of been polite to of shared. I wouldn't of let her continue to eat them in front of your DC's keeping them all to herself, she should of been told to put them away con fiscated and eaten later.

That said YOUR dc's should take no for an answer, and you should not be appeasing them promising treats tomorrow

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:01

14 year olds are not babies. They need to learn responsibility and compassion.

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:02

Ker CHING for " mumsnet at its finest "

Double points for me.

Sidge · 23/10/2011 16:04

Well it's nice if children can share without being made to (and at 14 she is still a child) but I would be more cross with my own children for throwing a wobbly for not being given sweets.

But then I don't believe in forced sharing. If you're made to give someone something of yours then it's not sharing is it?

Original poster
GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 16:05

It does get a bit tedious when youve got a 6 year old crying because of something that makes no sense to them. In this house we share things like sweets when asked, so to him it was very confusing.

DSS has a sister a year older than my youngest, so she is used to what little children want (I would think).

Next time I will be saying something, or asking her to put them away. If I wasnt ill I would have probably said something.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoodAndBluts · 23/10/2011 16:07

Thank you Sidge, that is what I think I meant by the first post. I didn;t want to force her to share.

OP posts:
MrsStephenFry · 23/10/2011 16:07

If the cap fits eyelasher, stick it up your arse and clutch your pearls instead.

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 16:11

That's a bit rude, MrsFry, for somebody wanting us to be ambassadors for the site, isn't it? Or did it come out wrong?

MrsStephenFry · 23/10/2011 16:15

Nope. Rude is what we are rightly famous for. And for fucking swearing a lot too. But carelessly branding children psychopaths for something so innocuous, thats got to make you squirm a little, unless you are either an utter moron or so far up your own virtual arse you have no idea how to respond to simple queries anymore.

iggi999 · 23/10/2011 16:16

I don't think what the girl did was innocuous. Not that I called her a bitch either though. But if you don't think 14 year olds can be bitches, you either don't know any or do not remember being 14 yourself.

diddl · 23/10/2011 16:17

I think she´s old enough to be told that if she´s not going to share then she puts the sweets away until she gets home.

14 is old enough to share & have some thought for others.

I would have been so embarrassed I would have taken them off her & given the to the others to share.

Is she unhappy at home/bullied at school?

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:27

She's a lo-on
She's a lo-on
La lja la la laaaaah

SaffronCake · 23/10/2011 16:28

It's plain rude of her. Teenagers do go through phases of testing out new identities. She was obviously testing out selfishness. If you'd told her she had to put her sweets back in the car or share nicely then she'd have had a clear message about the drawbacks of selfishness. She's gained 3 laces, she's lost the respect and friendship of 3 kids and their Mum. If you look at it like that it would have been best for HER if you'd told her off. Please tell her off next time.

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:28

The girls a bitch. She saw kids cry a lot. And thought " ooh I feel unhappy in my home I won't share"

Nice.

MrsStephenFry · 23/10/2011 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

LeBOOOf · 23/10/2011 16:37

I hate that word. And it's totally inappropriate on this thread- you are talking about the OP's step-sister, fgs. I'm sure that's not what she came on here to hear.

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:38

Well I love YOU, you little dinky.

MrBloomsNursery · 23/10/2011 16:38

I think when I was 14 I had enough manners to share sweets with little children. I would have shouted at her to either share the bloody sweets or to hide them.

Eyelasher · 23/10/2011 16:38

No one thinks their sister as a bitch ever. No.

troisgarcons · 23/10/2011 16:39

Well I've heard it all now, not sharing sweets makes some one a psychopath.