to tell my DP he can't spend an evening a fortnight with his female friend?

[TheGirlfriend]

My DP has a friendship with a woman he has known for about 10 years (they are along each other's best friends). There is absolutely nothing 'untoward' going on between them. His friend is in a relationship and has two DCs and nothing sexual or otherwise is going on between them.

However, DP goes to see this friend once a fortnight and they spend a couple of hours hanging out. I have told him I don't want him doing this anymore, because he commutes to work every day and if he goes to see this friend, I won't see him on this night until we go to bed as he often doesn't get home until about 7 (I see him briefly before he goes, but that's it). I would be happier if he saw this friend maybe once a month or less.

He thinks IABU because I see my friends more often (though I get home from work by 5:15 and go out with them straight away and then get home by 9, he won't come home until about 10). He also thinks I'm jealous.

Who is BU?

I mean, he comes over and reads a book to your son (is it a bedtime story? How old is your son?) and you make him dinner, and it's the night your DH is away? It just looks a bit like the pair of you playing house, rather than two mates hanging out

Would you still be thinking that if girlfriend's mate was female??

Oh, another one of these fucking reverse threads. Nope, my answer still stands. Back in the day, before I had children or ties, was single and carefree, I dumped: a) guys with small cocks b) guys with lots of female friends c) guys with kids. In return, I got dumped for all sort of reasons, like not having a high enough status job, being brunette and living too far away.

Big deal.

My DH has a few female ( and male) aquaintances/friends, if he wanted to spend time with them (without me) regularly, it would be over my dead body , if he's not at work, he's with me, simple as. Possessive and controlling? maybe, but that's how I am and he accepted it long ago. If your partner isn't the single most important person in your life, you're with the wrong one.

You sound seriously insecure and demented.

People are entitled to a social life even if they have a partner, meeting up with friends intermittently weekly or bi weekly is permitted in a normal relationship.

People need outside interests so that they have other things to talk about other than their job and the kids.

Bloody hell, Malificence! You sound like a nightmare! Sorry, but don't you trust your DH?!

So OP he is family and he cannot visit his nephew ever two weeks?

Thats pretty sick.

Basically, yes. :(

I didn't mean this to be a reverse AIBU with a dripfeed, I just wanted unbiased opinions and I knew it wouldn't be quite as unbiased if I said he was family.

GF still has said nothing to me when we've seen each other at ILs.

wow! there are some seriously insecure people on here!

I am also going to look up 'friendship' in the dictionary cos apparently it involves more than I ever realised

I think I would try to make a friend of her too, for the sake of my friendship with this man. It would be easier for him and it would make it harder for her to imply there is anything going on. Include your dh too, if possible.

Friendships evolve and change and if she turns out to be the one for him, then it's worth trying to make a friend of her too, cos when it comes down to it, if she's the one for him, he'll choose her over you and you will lose your friend.

I think that all the time she sees her mates and does what she wants, then she's on dodgy ground expecting him not to. If they have dc, then I would expect to see a lot less of him, because his focus will shift to his family. That should be the same whether you were a male friend or a female friend.

They've only been together eight months, she doesn't see all that much of him, and you're doing a fortnightly thing with him? And also posting on Mumsnet to get confirmation about how unreasonable she is?

I don't think you're being very nice about this at all.

Youhavetocallmenighthawk, why does your friend's partner have to invite herself along - they're a couple.

that's even more sad girlfriend. I'd be -hopeful- surprised if she is on the scene for too long, be this demandy.

She sees him every night, thunderbolts. In light of that, yes, I did post for opinions.

Ah, ok, your son is his nephew. That puts a different spin on bedtime stories.

When he visits you, he's not just visiting his best friend, you are also family. It's very U for her to try and stop him visiting but I would be pissed off if I wasn't included in family visits. Why not invite her over too? You liked her, she liked you. Not every time but a lot if the time, especially if your son and DP are going to be there too.

Don't I trust him , lol, we've been married for nigh on 30 years and he was in the RAF for half that !

PMSL that I'm being lectured on what's normal by Fabby.

We have plenty of outside interests thanks but have absolutely no need for separate social lives, that concept is alien to me.

I know, MC, it's really sad. I think she just doesn't understand why he comes round when DP isn't here. It's because our friendship pre-dated my relationship with his brother, and we hang out together. It really is honestly that simple.

I hear ya, Reality. This would have been the ol', 'Nice knowing you, but you have too much baggage and your life is too convoluted for me to bother beyond the casual' after about a month or so, then I'd have just found someone else.

I don't get why people spends months getting involved with someone whose life makes them uncomfortable from the get go. Just cut loose, let 'em go, find someone more suited to you and you to them and get on with it.

Obviously works for you then Mal, but that kind of life would suffocate me very quickly. I'd hate it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think you are being very tolerant! I would not be happy if my other half was doing this! I am quite happy for him to go for nights out with his male mates but I would not want him "hanging out" with a woman. No way! You should be his number one priority and he should want to spend his free time hanging out with you. Socialising with his female friend would be better if you could do it as couples.

It's the usual drip feed reverse stuff that's been going around here, Reality. There's another big one on here atm.

You'd better make up your mind thegirlfriend. When you were posting as her you said:

"we'll barely get any time together if he keeps up this arrangement"

So which is it?

I think you're behaving really weirdly about this. Even more so when it turns out it's family. Why on earth would she be excluded?

She has been invited, she's come a couple of times, and I really did like her.

I don't get this at all.

I had a male friend, we slept in the same bed nothing ever happened, nothing ever would we used to have great fun, I lost him when I put a relationship with a woman beater in front of the friendship.

Miss him I do. Partners can be replaced, friends cannot.

Does he only visit you on the nights he brother is out?

How am I behaving weirdly?!

That is her argument, that they'll hardly get any time together on the evening he spends time with me.

She isn't excluded.