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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my DP he can't spend an evening a fortnight with his female friend?

323 replies

TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:05

My DP has a friendship with a woman he has known for about 10 years (they are along each other's best friends). There is absolutely nothing 'untoward' going on between them. His friend is in a relationship and has two DCs and nothing sexual or otherwise is going on between them.

However, DP goes to see this friend once a fortnight and they spend a couple of hours hanging out. I have told him I don't want him doing this anymore, because he commutes to work every day and if he goes to see this friend, I won't see him on this night until we go to bed as he often doesn't get home until about 7 (I see him briefly before he goes, but that's it). I would be happier if he saw this friend maybe once a month or less.

He thinks IABU because I see my friends more often (though I get home from work by 5:15 and go out with them straight away and then get home by 9, he won't come home until about 10). He also thinks I'm jealous.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
MigratingCoconuts · 22/10/2011 15:35

are you the female friend?

Bohica · 22/10/2011 15:35

Is this a half term thread?

it's 6 hours a month, that is hardly barely seeing him is it? Just plan his night out to be a night you also go out and then you will only have to wait an hour until you see him again

DogsBeastFiend · 22/10/2011 15:36

So you're the best mate Girlfriend, yes?

Original poster
TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:36

MigratingCoconuts, whatever gives you that idea....? Wink

OP posts:
HerScaryness · 22/10/2011 15:36

Oh FFS, what if this was YOUR friend and he's telling YOU to drop him?

You'd come on here and we'd all tell you to dump him. If HE came on here, we'd definitely tell him to dump YOU!

If there isn't anything going on, WTF is it to do with you? you can't go a night without seeing him till a little bit later? It's 10pm FGS, not 3am!

how attractive is limpet to a partner?

NorksAkimbo · 22/10/2011 15:36

YABVU...especially if they've had this in place for years...why is it such a big deal? You live together, it's twice a month...how much do you need to be with him?

HerScaryness · 22/10/2011 15:37

Aha... crossposted....

Wondered if this is a reverse AIBU the minute I pressed send...

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 22/10/2011 15:37

Yes you are B U.

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 22/10/2011 15:38

If you really cared about him, you'd encourage his outside hobbies and friendships because it would make you happy to see him happy.

MigratingCoconuts · 22/10/2011 15:38

gosh, I don't know girlfriend Grin

however, you friend's partner is being totally unreasonable.

what does your friend say???

Original poster
TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:39

Sorry, I didn't want to deceive just for the sake of it, I wanted to lay out the facts as they are from something other than my perspective.

OP posts:
DogsBeastFiend · 22/10/2011 15:39

Ha! I was right! :o

In that case, Girlfriend, tell the silly cow what I'd tell my best mate's DP if she were so stupidly unreasonable...

"Fuck off you silly little girl, I was a friend long before you came along and I'll be here long after you've gone. If you think we're shagging, that's YOUR problem!".

EricNorthmansMistress · 22/10/2011 15:41

She thinks you fancy her fella. You will be phased out :(

HerScaryness · 22/10/2011 15:41

If you are the friend, then you need to have a gentle word. She's controlling and he has a right to friends. Your 10 years friendship vs him moving in with her recently.

Hopefully he'll see what a sad case she is, but I wouldn't bank on it...

MigratingCoconuts · 22/10/2011 15:41

why is she so insecure????

my longest friendship is with a bloke and I can't imagine what I'd feel if his wife had reacted like this. I feel Sad for you

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 22/10/2011 15:42

Oh god well in that case you have my sympathy! My best friend of ten years is a man and his girlfriend is, I suspect, putting the dampeners on our friendship. I'm bloody annoyed about it but I don't know what to do!

Original poster
TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:43

He thinks she's unreasonable, but I don't know what he's said to his girlfriend about it. I thought we got on when we met, this has all sort of blindsided me tbh. He comes round and reads a book to my son and then we just eat dinner. It's the night my DP is working late, as if I'm going to be shagging someone on the sofa while my DCs are asleep upstairs! I think she's jealous, she claims she isn't.

OP posts:
elesbells · 22/10/2011 15:43

Page 1 and already i'm confused......Hmm

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 22/10/2011 15:44

Oh. So all of your friends previous girlfriends and this one that he now lives with "have been a bit funny" about the friendship? I wonder why?

Original poster
TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:45

I don't think there's anything I can do really, just wait for him to hopefully come to the right decision here.

I don't think she thinks we're sleeping together, I think she's probably just jealous of the friendship itself, we talk about everything. DP doesn't care, he doesn't have to listen to me half as much in the days following my friend coming round. Grin

They get on very well as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGirlfriend · 22/10/2011 15:47

No, the previous ones have not been funny about me, his girlfriend assumes they have been. In fact, one of his previous girlfriends is another of my closest friends and I introduced him to another of them.

OP posts:
Bohica · 22/10/2011 15:47

I'm dissapointed, I was looking forward to the girlfriend coming back and trying to defend herself.

OP could you at least give me a catty reply back to my last message please.

I'm in such a snippy mood today, i'm freezing because the builders have BOTH patio doors open whilst they knock the lounge apart, I was hoping for a better result with this thread tbh Sad

MigratingCoconuts · 22/10/2011 15:48

squirted I seemed to have missed the bit where op said this happened with each girlfriend he has had

cheekyseamonkey · 22/10/2011 15:49

YABVVU

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 22/10/2011 15:49

She sounds like the kind of person that would be jealous of anything close to him. You know, the kind of person that gets jealous of hobbies and interests too.