to not have step kids while I have Chemo?

[bessyboots]

AIBU to have emailed OH's ex wife to tell her we will be unable to have his children (we have them every other weekend) aged 12 & 14 for at least 6 months while I undergo Chemo for breast cancer?

She relies on us to have them as she works full time, but I am worried about catching an infection from them. I have my own DS who is 8.

You can't say that wannaBe. There's nothing in her post which says she's using her illness to justify cutting contact.

Apologies bemybebe-I mixed up your post with another person talking bollocks-no need to be quite so aggressive about it though.

tired-Why exactly did you find what I said horrible? genuinely interested.I pointed out that having cancer does not make one a saint nor imo does it justify someone behaving badly.

Btw in case you missed it in my other post-I have had cancer. I didnt lock myself away from other humans when I was having chemo. I got on with life as best my illness would allow me too. Op is not suggesting she banish her own dc just the stepkids. Interesting no?

I didn't miss your other post, pink. I'm sorry you've had cancer, but that doesn't give you licence to insult people that do. You implying the op was a selfish twunt was pretty hideous IMO.

Whoever said that people on this thread should be ashamed of themselves - hear, hear. The woman has cancer and there are actually some of you who are so low life you are questioning whether she is actually real. Just disgusting. I feel sickened by the whole thing to be honest - I meant it when I said this site has sunk to a new low today when a woman with cancer posts for support and is abused and disbelieved.

It is not your OH's exW's responsibility to take care of her and your OH's children while you have chemotherapy during your agreed contact time - it is your OH's responsibility. You emailed the wrong person.

tired-she posted her first post in aibu not one of the health boards. Therefore she was asking for opinions on whether or not she was in the right. She has actually had alot of sympathy on this thread if you read carefully but if she was looking for information or support on going through chemo then she probably did post in the wrong place.

I didnt say she was a selfish twunt actually. I said having cancer does not give you carte blanche to behave like a selfish twunt imo. There was no personal attack on op.

I am not ashamed ofwhat I have posted on here. Its mn not nm.

I have to say that, for once, I agree with Bonsoir. If those children are supposed to be your family, even if they only pop in on alternate weekends, you can't just cancel contact. They are not visits, they are children of the family.

You all have to go through this together, you are a family, a blended one, but still a family.

I would understand about canceling on the weekends when things are expected to be worse, but for six months... no. It is unreasonable. (FWIW I have 2 persons near who have been having chemo on and off for the last 10 years, they take some "time off" when the effects are at their worse, but the rest of the time they carry out with normality as much as they can. Is good for them to do that too)

yes of course she is using her illness - she has emailed the mother and said she can't have the children for six months because she is going through chemo. What is that if not using her illness?

She is selfish. Having cancer doesn't make her less selfish.

You can sympathize with someone's predicament while at the same time acknowledging that their actions are unreasonable.

Bonsoir Such a good way of looking at it. When a parent has their aggreed contact time with their children its not childcare for the resident parent as if it were some kind of favour.Its the time that they are responsible for their children.

Also cancer soent mean that nobody can disaggree with you anymore about anything,especially when you ask for opinions on an internet forum.

God forbid anyone would patronise me cos ive had cancer.

Sorry i meant doesnt

Exactly, Bonsoir!

Exactly ledkr-the ones on here trying to justify the op's position are being patronising. We should all treat her with kid gloves because she has cancer?-eh no sorry but thats not life!

Still no sign of op?

YABU. I'm sympathetic to your situation but this sounds horribly drastic when you have an equally germy child of your own. In fact, if I may speak plainly, it sounds like you have been waiting for an opportunity / excuse to come along so you don't have to see your DH's children at weekends. Unfortunately men with kids come as a package deal.

Maybe your husband could take them and your son away for some of the weekends and you could get a rest or get help from other friends and family?

I really hope you make a good recovery x

See, I think when you have been diagnosed with a serious illness, you have enough unpleasantness going on in your life without nasty bitchy strangers on the internet adding to it by calling your names and disbelieving you...I must be strange that way, or maybe some of you spend so much time on here your social skills are just completely lacking. It's just depressing to know there are so many unkind, hard hearted women out there.

All i can say is that I'd be effin unreasonable if I had cancer and had to have chemo too. No criticism on that score from me.

However, the ex has been reasonable, saying she can be flexible and see how it goes. If you feel like you're going to need your DH support a lot more than usual, he will have to rope in his family to help out with the kids when needed if the ex can't take on the extra. They will still exist for the next 6mths, but it is up to their father to make sure that a) you are well looked after and supported, b) he sees his children regularly and c) organises some respite from them when you are at your lowest.

Anyway, I'm hiding this thread now as it is actually eroding my faith in humanity that people can be so incredibly nasty.

I don't have a clue what the truth is wannaBe and maybe you're right, but you can't know she's using the cancer as an excuse.

As Kurri and others have said, Chemo can make you horribly sick and a large worry when faced with that is to protect your kids (whether step children or not) from it as much as you can. So maybe that's part of her motive for saying they can't come over. She says it's about infection risk, which is valid, but you don't and can't know the whole story.

I don't have a problem with people saying it sounds like she's being unreasonable - after all she asked the question. I do have a problem with the way some of you are outright condemning her though.

Oh FGS curry get over yourself! People have been plenty sympathetic. And noone has questioned whether she is real, just whether it's an "about-face" AIBU. Those of us who've been around a few years can sometimes spot the signs.

Maryz - ever considered a job in the Diplomatic Service? Or joining NetMums?

this is a fucking viper nest tired one can be half dead it is still not going to be good enough for most here...
pink since you reported my post ask for your little gem to be deleted also. a decent thing to do.
thank god my dsc are all grown up now and i can plan things with them direct and avoid dealing their venomous m

Excellent idea.

I am not here to help Maryz, I am giving my opinion as someone helpfully pointed out. I am perfectly calm and you can just jog off.

bemybebe-show me my personal attack and I will have mn delete it. Thanks. Riled are we?