to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

Ah. Received reply already from the organiser. I have to pay half, as she's already paid this as a deposit; and could I let the bride-to-be-know? Definitely a less friendly tone than her previous messages. I'm dreading the bride's response.

Congrats OP! Will be interesting to see how they answer you.

x-post, I hope the clever posters here can help you get out of paying. You only agreed because you naturally thought you were going to the wedding - you were more or less tricked into it, so I don't think you are morally obliged to go now. Probably.

Well thats their problems isen't it, no skin off your nose, you don't know the person. How much do you have to pay btw. No don't the bride obviously did not care about your feelings, and was rude to ask you to contribute to her wedding gift not being invited.

Congratulations! You've done the right thing!

At least its not the full amount for a weekend that you would probably not enjoy, lots of people you don't know, talking about the wedding, that would be hell for me tbh

What are you planning to say to bride, Tights?

Really the person organising it should have consulted everybody as to their budget and what they can/can't afford, and suggestions anyway. Bully for them, planning something expensive!

x-post. good luck with the delightful bride to be...

Spend it on yourself. You don't have to pay to make your 'friend' look popular :)

Ooops, x post. don't see why you should pay anything at all!!

Well done! Don't pay half. Tell the organiser the truth ie you are not paying a single penny as you were conned into thinking you & B were good friends & thus accepted the invite despite the high cost? As you are clearly not good friends it would not be right to be at the hen do. She surely understands. Sorry for the confusion. Etc etc.
Do you know the organiser? If she emails again just stop responding.
Cannot believe the cheekiness of some people.
You go get 'em!

Well done

Im so pleased you have decided not to go! Never in my MN history have I been so glad somebody made a certain decision in fact!
Do you know what I would do with the £200 you would have spent? Take your nearest and dearest out for a lovely day somewhere, they value you and your company not like the self centred bride to be!

Good for you!

I think saying you refuse to pay anything (as per some suggestions), will make you look petty BUT I am the world's biggest mug, even bigger than those free ones from sportsdirect. So ignore me!

Why do you need to let the bride know? You're not organising it. She (bridezilla) is not organising it, either. Organiser knows, venue knows. Sorted. Well done, you, for sticking up for yourself.

No, don't pay half!

Say that if you'd realised at the time that you weren't good enough to be invited to the wedding, you'd never have accepted the hen invitation.

Also, why do you have to pay half? You won't see these people again. Meh.

Now, what nice things can you treat yourself to with that £200? :)

Another vote here for not paying up the £100 deposit. Just be frightfully horribly nice to the organiser and keep repeating that under the circumstances it's completely inappropriate to be going to the hen do if you're not going to the wedding but that your sure the bride will have some other female guests that she could invite instead... Hopefully your other friend in the same situation will be sufficiently motivated by your putting your foot down to also back out and not hand over any money.

Depends on how far down the line you were told what the full costs were going to be, vs when you realised there was no invite forthcoming but I'd just keep to your line about not coming and not contributing, repeating it every time you get an email from the organiser and ignoring any specifics whilst daydreaming about what you are going to spend the £200 on instead.

And are you going to say anything to the bride - if so, what? [nosy emoticon!]

Props to you for no longer being a doormat!!! WELL DONE

Agree it's madness to pay money for something that someone who doesn't even like you wanted to do. You don't know organiser - so what if she 'sounded nice?' If I send you a lovely e-mail every day from now until Christmas will you send me 200 quid?

Sorry *100 noticed it was half. I'll still take it. I'll shower you with flowery e-mails.

Oh and I am certain the bride can find someone else to take your spot. After all she doesn't seem to mind if they are coming to her wedding or not, right? Do NOT feel badly!!

I'll take £100 for adding your name to an event list and pretending to be nice!