Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

713 replies

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 20/10/2011 16:25

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub? Confused

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 20/10/2011 23:41

Can I be the lone voice who is feeling sorry for the organiser who will be £100 out of pocket? It's hell having to organise these things and stump up then not getting paid back.

MarthasHarbour · 20/10/2011 23:41

marking my spot for updates, just read from start to finish. hold your nerve OP - you are doing well!! another one who doesnt think you should pay anything, get bridezilla to pay for your share!

LeBOOOf · 20/10/2011 23:43

You don't need to pay anything.

Tell the organiser she should take it up with the bride, who is free to invite somebody she considers a close enough friend to invite to the wedding.

JajasWjolef · 20/10/2011 23:43

Oh well done Tights!!

I really do not think you should have to pay the £100 either, you were mislead, false pretence and if they aren't embarrassed enough to see that then they are twits for sure.

I still can't believe that the Bridzilla was banging on about the wedding when you weren't invited [hangry] on your behalf.

JajasWjolef · 20/10/2011 23:43

Dita, it should be up to the bride to reimburse the organiser.

bottlebank · 20/10/2011 23:46

I think the organiser wants the OP to tell the bride because she (the organiser) is scared of the bride.

OP, did you mention the lack of wedding invitation to the bride? I hope you did, would be interesting to see how she responds.

Proudnscary · 20/10/2011 23:47

God anyone would have thought OP had just freed herself from an abusive partner by the responses on here.

DitaVonCheese · 20/10/2011 23:52

Jajas maybe, but if I was the organiser I would be far far too embarrassed to ask the bride.

The organiser is out of pocket because OP said she'd go and then said she wouldn't. It's not the organiser's fault that the bride is a cow or that she and the OP have fallen out. I just know what a nightmare it is organising this kind of thing!

JajasWjolef · 20/10/2011 23:55

Mmm I do understand Dita, I always end up organising these kind of things and yes it is a nightmare but if I were the organiser I wouldn't be embarrassed to ask the bride. I would be honest with her and say that 'Tights is hurt and snubbed as you haven't asked her to the wedding whilst everyone else bar one has been asked' - that's just mean.

DitaVonCheese · 21/10/2011 00:12

That bit I could do, Jajas, it's the "so can you give me £100 please" bit on the end [terribly British smiley Brew]

HerScaryness · 21/10/2011 00:14

Op, all you have to do now is as Mumnset advises. Do nothing! Ignore all texts, calls etc.

She snubs you? You can show her snubbed!

whiteoleander · 21/10/2011 00:17

I don't believe that the deposit is all it seems. If you put a deposit for a restaurant, £50 a head for 6 people, they don't charge you an extra £50 if only 5 turn up do they. The deposit is in case you all don't show and they are out of pocket. I think she is having you on. And you only have her word for it. I do believe if she had to pay it, she'd have asked for it before now (unless she is very wealthy. Who has £2k knocking about to sub a group of strangers for a weekend away and cross fingers they may pay back? Not many people).

mindgone · 21/10/2011 00:22

I really would make up an excuse not to go to the hen party! As you said,£200 is a lot of money, and I'm sure there are other things you'd rather spend it on! Send a really nice card wishing them well and hold your head high!

mindgone · 21/10/2011 00:25

Oops! Sorry, I'd only read the first page!

EttiKetti · 21/10/2011 00:30

Hurrahhhhhhh OP!!! tell the organizer to get the deposit from bridezilla!

MrsMilton · 21/10/2011 00:35

Sorry, haven't read it all but don't really get this.

Why are you even asking people what they think when it's so obvious?

This isn't really a dilemma is it? And you don't sound half as put out about it as all the people posting here...Hmm or Confused

marianhalcombe · 21/10/2011 00:36

Gosh, please don't ask anyone else ie. bride to pay for the deposit - I'm sure you wouldn't.

You'd risk looking very petty.

whattheactualjeff · 21/10/2011 00:53

Op. I would not pay 100 pounds 'deposit'. I would suggest the organizer ask henzilla who she has invited to her wedding who would enjoy the Hen do.

Leave it there. The nerve of some people!

MrsDreadfullyMorbidMausoleum · 21/10/2011 01:09

Gosh, well done OP! I am very proud of you

Now just ignore any other texts or better still tell us about them so we can rip the piss and you'll be right!

Bunbury · 21/10/2011 01:29

Can't quite believe the responses here. DitaVonCheese- and providing she pays the deposit, the OP - appear to be the only ones with any sense of decency.

The OP's treatment at the hands of her friend is unpleasant and unusual and probably grounds for letting the friendship lapse.

But the woman organising the honeymoon bears no responsibility for this and is now, through no fault of her own, facing a £100 bill because the OP has pulled out at the last minute - and you are all advocating that she refuses to pay this?! Absolutely fucking disgraceful.

As many of you have written £100 is a lot of money to some people - how are you to know that this doesn't include the honeymoon organiser?

I am amazed by the complete lack of honour and decency displayed in messages such as "Well thats their problems isen't it, no skin off your nose, you don't know the person." and "Also, why do you have to pay half? You won't see these people again. Meh."

MrsDreadfullyMorbidMausoleum · 21/10/2011 01:48

But Bunbury, why should the OP be the only person to show decency and honour?

The rest of the party don't give a shit, why should she?

If she was asked purely to make up the numbers (which is as it appears), then I'm sure the bride will find another victim guest. In fact, being as grasping as this, I'm not at all sure that the bride wouldn't invite someone else even if the OP did pay the deposit.

It's not the honeymoon btw it's the hen night that has been organised. A $200 hen night .

bottlebank · 21/10/2011 01:54

We don't know the rest of the party don't give a shit. They clearly have no idea the OP isn't invited to the wedding.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 21/10/2011 01:59

Apology accepted MrsMilton. Now, have you read the rest of the thread yet? [hwink]

I would at the very least question the deposit - how likely is it that the organiser has forked out everyone's 50% herself, but not bothered to ask for reimbursement? Not very, I'd've thought....

Bunbury · 21/10/2011 02:17

*Sorry hen night not honeymoon, thanks MDMM

Are you seriously suggesting that the only motivation for behaving correctly in life is if others are doing the same - "if noone else gives a shit then why should I" essentially??

Firstly - How have you deduced that the remainder of the hens "don't give a shit"? They are almost certainly oblivious to the problems between the OP and the bride and have no compunction or reason to reimburse her for a trip she already agreed to.

Secondly and most importantly - The idea that we are only compelled to be good because others are doing the same and an absence of decent behaviour gives you carte blanche to act as you wish is what causes people to join the recent riots in London, bullying of children and if extrapolated to the nth degree, atrocities like the Holocaust.

I dearly hope that you teach your children that it is a wonderful thing to be "the only person to show decency and honour"

kipperandtiger · 21/10/2011 02:34

OP, your friend sounds like she has completely failed the basic tenets of courtesy - not just failing to invite you both to the wedding, but also discussing wedding RSVPs in front of you when you haven't been invited. Strange woman. I always found that once you reach a certain number for a wedding, extra guests actually don't make much difference to the cost - and if you ask for cash gifts, some friends have even reported making a profit!! (lucky things - v generous older relations). I mean, two is not going make much difference to her budget.

I vote that you spend the £200 and your time on a nice little outing (theatre? concert? trip to Paris?) for yourself and make sure that includes a nice pampering spa visit, fancy meal or shopping treat. And maybe see very little of her until about 2 months after her wedding, haha.......