to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

It seems obvious that the activity requires either a minimum spend which with 12 people equates to 180 pounds per person.
However, as others have said that's not OP's problem. As they obviously haven't paid the deposit they can always choose a different activity that works for 11 people or pay a bit more each.
Also the HO was at best misleading to say she had already paid the deposit when clearly she hasn't.

So, good for you tights

Yay! Well done OP. I've just finished reading the whole thread and am so pleased/proud that you have stood up to these so called friends. Well done! Enjoy spending the £200 that you have saved on something to make you and your family / true friends happy!

llborolass you are right to come extent, there could be a very reasonable explanation, but still the op is well within her rights to pull out.

I wonder if we will find out more?

Blimey, what a thread!

OP-I´m glad you´re not going & hope your friend gets out of it too.

Lying about payibg a deposit!!??

If the HO is out of pocket somehoe she deserves it for lying the bride can reimburse her from the cash gifts!

Goodness me! So glad you managed to get out of it Tights. FWIW I've organised 4 separate hen do's in the last few years and have had to deal with people pulling out at the last minute, but even with deposits paid a bit of financial re-calculating and some polite texts and emails it all gets sorted and everyone is happy! (apart from one time when one of the girls going was so upset she couldn't make it she made her friend turn up with the full amount she'd have paid for the entire weekend plus estimated drinking money!!)

Sounds like you're well rid of this woman as she clearly isn't a true friend. Good on you standing your ground. Eventually they'll all get over theirselves!

Yy I think llborolass deserves a prize for being so very hopeful and nice.

Tights I really think you ought to send an email to Bridezilla, HO, and CC it to all the hen party outlining your disgust at

a) your DH being invited to be a free photographer then being ditched without warning or apology
b) the estimated cost of your DH doing photography in lieu of him giving the couple a "proper" gift cash payment and the fact that he may have turned down paid work
c) your DH only being invited if he does work free of charge
d) no invitation being extended to either you or your obliging DH
e) a blatant attempt to scam money from you for a hen do at which no deposit has actually been paid

The basic premise of your friendship with Bridezilla is that you do everything for her, and she does fuck all in return. Sod that!

Make sure you paste the entire contents of the correspondence between you and the venue, for transparency, and for shock value the enjoyment of the other hen guests

I suspect you would receive no reply to such an email...

But of course do keep us all updated!

This thread is fantastic!

What does actually go through the head of people like Bridezilla though?

Do they actually feel entitled to free photography, money, free use of washing machines and other constant favours? WTF?

I have met several people like this in my life (although Bridezilla takes the biscuit!) and am always amazed at their total lack of self awareness, or thought for others.

And congratulations on standing up for yourself. I am assuming you no longer feel guilty, or as thought you've caused trouble!!!

Wonderful thread.

Wedding photography can cost anywhere between £900-£2,000. Why on earth does she think that she is worthy of that kind of gift is

Oh, and forgot to say

f) despite not inviting you even to the reception, you still have the balls of steel to ask me for money a gift

WT utter F

You are going to bin this bitch aren't you OP?!

Please send the hen party a link to this thread! Please!

God yes, having the irate Bridezilla & Co turn up on here would be fantastic. That's a bun fight I'd thoroughly enjoy.

Yes, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send the ENTIRE hen party the link to this

You know you want to...

Wise words from all the above girls, particularly from bibbitybobbity - keep your dignity at all costs.

But I know what I'd do, I'd certainly buy her a wedding present, a book, beautifully wrapped and ribboned, titled -

MODERN ETIQUETTE.

I was going to suggest Mumsnet Rules. But then I thought better of it.

Does anybody else hope this thread ends up in Mnet Classics? Not sure how that happens though or if Mnet towers have strict criteria for what goes in there...

It should. As a perfect example of how to suss that friends are not as dear as once thought.

Plus I am literally dying for one of the party to find this thread and all hell be let loose. [hgrin]

[delurks]

Another vote for Classics here

Hi all!

Well, I've heard from my real friend who said that she's going to back out too and will make an excuse about having to work. Hopefully she won't be paying anything either. She's still miffed with me, and I understand why. I should have spoken to her before contacting the HO and sending my excuses.

I've also heard back from the bride-to-be (not the HO) asking "why the fuck" I contacted the activity place directly and apparently I've upset the HO because it looks like I don't trust her. She's livid. I replied by saying that I don't know the HO, so trust has nothing to do with it. I was just checking what I owed as I wanted to make sure I paid the full amount, and it seems I owe nothing. I also (gulp!) said that I'd appreciate it if she didn't text me again about this situation as I'm finding it upsetting and I don't want to complicate the arrangements for the hen party any further.

Aagh! I'm all jittery.

You did great.

good for you

Its a good job you did contact the place directly, seeing as the HO told you something diferent to them!

I think that if they are asking you for money for a deposit you are entitled to contact the venue directly to try to negotiate on that.

Delurking to say well done OP - don't get jittery now you've done exactly the right thing!

I've also heard back from the bride-to-be (not the HO) asking "why the fuck" I contacted the activity place directly and apparently I've upset the HO because it looks like I don't trust her

Bride to be sounds like a right charmer!

You should just respond that you were right not to trust her as obviously you don't owe anything.

FWIW I think the other friend should be honest about why she doesn't want to go because then bride to be might realise that is NOT ok to treat people like this

I've been to hen dos without being invited to the wedding - basically, for work colleagues. I don't think a wedding invite and going to the hen do are particularly linked. Presumably, there are wedding guests who are not invited to the hen do.

If you feel snubbed, there are a few things you could do - suck it up, and either go or lick your wounds, or you could find out if you were overlooked in the wedding invitations.

Have you read the whole thread Mind, it's sort of moved on somewhat from that.