to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

Tarty - yes, I can see that they want to keep the costs down for everyone but I think tights said that the HO replied almost instantly to her email about cancelling to say that she would still need to pay the deposit and tell the bride so it didn't sound like there was any opportunity for any behind the scenes discussion about trying to rip her off.

If I was the HO I would be worried if I thought I was going to be left with an extra £80 to pay - I know someone this happened to with a group holiday and she was left with £100s to pay when someone dropped out.

Absolutely, tights! She needs taught a lesson. Go for it! All of MN are behind you!

*to be

Well done you . In that case don't pay, if she has not payed it will be easy for HO to say to the venue that somebody has pulled out, and x amount of people are now attending instead. Sounds like something fishy is going on. You are best out of it, well done for being assertive and not having the piss taken out of you.

yeah 2 fingers right up you, grasping witch sticks!

llobrass I am fairly certain that it has been established that the op has been used and abused here, and that there has been no deposit actually paid yet. She was invited to make up numbers and was not even invited to the actual wedding, no evening do, nothing

Anyway, you did exactly the right thing, saved face and money and come out looking classy tights

llobrass

No deposit has been paid. The venue has confirmed that.

Well done OP! I'm really shocked at bridezilla's behaviour, you are so much better off without her!

I am raising a glass to you right now, Tights. Bloody good for you.

Well, you all seem to have hung drawn and quartered the HO without hearing her side of the story. It just doesn't seem likely to me that the bride and HO have set up some kind of elaborate scam to con tights out of £80.

The deposit may not have been paid but the HO may well have been told that it must be paid for all of the 12 that she originally booked for and she may well be having sleepless nights about having to pay it herself - we just don't know, tights herself has said she doesn't even know the HO.

I'm not excusing the behaviour of all involved but its very unfair to accuse people of trying to steal the £80 without any evidence at all.

Tights - it sounds like a very unpleasant situation all round, I hope you can put it behind you and move on but I know thats easier said than done.

Well if that's the case, Bridezilla will just have to summon a genuine friend who is invited to the wedding, won't she? Or pay the difference herself with the cash she is extracting from the guests. Fuck her.

"The deposit may not have been paid but the HO may well have been told that it must be paid for all of the 12 that she originally booked for"

How does that work, the deposit makes the booking binding, anything up to that point can be changed surely? Certainly how it's worked with anything I've done.

If you provisionally book something, don't pay a deposit and then cancel, what's going to happen? They're not going to sue you, they can't say you originally said 12 you must give us the deposit for all 12 or else.

I think it's more likely that it's a cost for something shared between 12 rather than a cost per person.

When I've been to hen dos I always consider everything provisional until a payment is made for something or other. I'm surprised that other people stump up the cash for other people, especially when hen groups can often be people who all know the bride but don't necessarily know each other.

Iborolass

Whatever the venue has said, the HO isnt liable for any money until she has paid the deposit. Thats the point of a deposit. Until it is paid then you can walk away without any financial loss. If there is a minimum deposit needed for the activity regardless of numbers then that isnt really the OPs problem.

lborolass
No, just would not work like that, HO might have some onus on her to front up some money, but not 12x£80. I mean what are the doing, categorising blood diamonds? Just does not ring true at all.

Also, what venue is going to say, on no you cant come any more and lose 11x160? for the sake of £80 not being paid? Again just does not ring true.

Read up thread, the HO has been snippy and rude, and the bride, well she has been dreadful.

If nothing else, the £80 could be a loss of booking for the photography that the ops DH was going to do as a "present" (to a wedding they were not invited to!)

Mind is boggling at how some people think it is OK to shit all over someone else.

lborolass, without wanting to sound like a PITA, have you read the whole thread?

It doesn't need to an elaborate scam. No deposit was paid yet but the HO could be a bit stupid. The whole wedding party are not holding themselves up as greatly nice examples of society.

I hate to suggest to Tights that she has anything more to do with any of this, but to help settle the debate ala Mumsnet, it would be great to know exactly what the terms and conditions of the booking were- especially the amount deposit owing. (Of course, it's all about our need to know at this point, right?) ;)

Also, I suddenly really, really want to go to a hen do involving "categorising blood diamonds". Heh heh heh.

Yes, putrifyno, you are right it could just be a case of stupidity, not exciting enough though for over 500 posts of everyone getting their knickers in a twist on the basis of very few posts from the OP

I'm just trying to see why the HO would have any reason to lie about it but happy to be proved wrong if tights finds out any more details.

GHAHSTLY - I can't see where OP says the HO was snippy and rude, she said she was less friendly than previously which is understandable if you're trying to organsie something and someone drops out at the last minute.

I think we're giving lborolass a hard time over nothing much here (heaven forbid that we should reach a consensus ) She's just trying to see the best in the HO's intentions. Unfortunately I suspect that both the bride and HO are nasty grabby types independently of each other.

I have nothing new to contribute, but I've been reading the thread for the past few days and literally punched the air when I read the latest development. Well done Tights! And, in case you do send the link - up yours Bridezilla!

Back a bit late, but ironic that Tights has posted the truth just below my little assessment. Tights, hurray for you, and yes, don't give them any money at all, don't waste a second communicating with Bride or Organiser, who have both been quite dishonest (I think HO knows the difference between a deposit already paid and one not paid) - for ever. Hopefully this means your water bills will also go down without Bride coming round to treat you as a free laundromat.

I vote that you take the money to treat yourself to a nice dinner with someone who is really nice to you - like a family member. Better still, buy yourself a nice outfit/shoes/piece of furniture that you've been wanting so that every time you use it you can be reminded of how nice it was that you've escaped being with that toxic non-friend forever.

Lborolass, you sound sweet and honest, and maybe you haven't been scammed by many individuals in your life, and I hope you stay sweet and optimistic. Unfortunately some of us a bit long in the tooth (and I mean that figuratively and not necessarily chronologically or biologically) have seen this sort of behaviour before, and could see it coming a mile off. But yes, it is also a very long thread. Easier for us to natter about human nature than mindboggling concepts like how to solve world peace or fix the world banking crisis.

Sounds as though the bride and the HO might be in cahoots with each other.

Just to show how serious minded MN can be, I actually looked up GhastlyGhouly's phrase "categorising blood diamonds", just to see if that was any different from categorising ethically sourced diamonds. Sounds like a terrible hen activity if that's what they are doing - TRYING ON (ethically processed) diamonds sounds so much more fun. Especially with a glass of bubbly and some soft music in the bakground.

Oh. My. God. The thieving lying scumbags!

I am so glad you checked with the venue. Deffo text your other friend and tell her to pull out and both of you go out for a few drinks instead!

lborolass - it reflects well on you that you're so determined to see the best in these people. [hsmile]

Read OP and thought bride was a cheeky mare so I'm so pleased (after reading the whole thread) that a) you decided not to go to the hen do and b) you checked about the deposit too :)

I hope your friend cancels too and you can both go out for a drink with the collective £400 you've just saved yourselves.

Well done OP you're very brave! But it all needed to be done!

I have to say, I'm truly astonished at the behaviours of these people. I too must be very naive of the world because I am shocked at someone professing to be a friend treat their 'friend' in such a manner as this bride! I am also really shocked by the HO! Yes organising a hen do is a stressful process, however it shouldn't turn you into a thief! I'm just speechless at these 2 women.

You are so shot of these toxic people, and I also agree you should definitely email this thread. It might...just might make them realise what masty, spiteful grabby individuals they are! But then again, maybe not [hhmm]