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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

713 replies

IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 20/10/2011 16:25

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub? Confused

OP posts:
ScarahStratton · 22/10/2011 20:16

Nobody pays a venue by bank transfer. Nobody. It will be cheque or card payment. The venue would know about a card payment and a cheque can be cancelled.

Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.

Ivegotabrokenphone · 22/10/2011 20:16

Well done, followed this all the way through, it just makes me think if they can do this to a "friend" how an earth do they treat other people ?, You are better off without them, enjoy your £200.00. I'd like to think at some point the bride might sit back when all of the hen/wedding is over and consider her actions and find she is in the wrong, but probably not, hey-ho.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 22/10/2011 20:18

Yay Tights!!

I don't suppose you live within striking distance of London and would consider spending some of the money you've saved on the infinitely cheaper and far more fun Mumsnet Christmas meetup? Because you sound like lots of laughs and are deffo someone I would love to meet.

ScarahStratton · 22/10/2011 20:19

Excellent play bibbity. Most excellent. [hgrin]

thunderboltsandlightning · 22/10/2011 20:21

I think they are running this hen night to make a profit.

Similarly the wedding, with the money collection for the honeymoon.

You are so well shot Tights. The space your ex-friend leaves will leave room for nice people to come into your life.

Blueberties · 22/10/2011 20:22

I think the meet-ups should definitely have THUM awards for the posters who have been most inspired to life-changing assertiveness by thread support.

often wondered what happened to thum

TheOriginalFAB · 22/10/2011 20:22

When the bride sais you were snubbing her, why did you not call her on it then?

Blueberties · 22/10/2011 20:25

Yy I thought that but that's just like a pointless fight, on reflection. She needs to know what she needs to know. Am I invited? No. Was I used? Yes. Do I owe money? No. Do these frightful people deserve a place in my life? Absolutely not.

Having a fight is upsetting especially if you're not used to it, so I can see why. Plus that claim, that Tights was the snubber, is so outrageous it sort of takes your breath away and makes you splutter even when you aren't the "target"!

Whatmeworry · 22/10/2011 20:27

I emailed the venue today and was shocked because they're saying that no deposit has been paid! They have the booking and they're waiting for the deposit, but to this date they haven't received anything!

Surprise surprise :)

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 22/10/2011 20:28

Aw, Tights, I feel dead proud of you and I don't even know you. [hgrin]

Very much agree that it's a shame the cynical types were right - I know I was never advocating anyone being genuinely out of pocket, but at least this way you've checked and can be sure of the situation, and haven't been treated like a doormat.

Bloody well done.

neverever · 22/10/2011 20:30

You sound a lot like me tights, glad you had the balls, I am currently trying to grow a pair.

Putrifyno · 22/10/2011 20:32

And my offer of the spare room in Brussels for a cheap weekend away still stands Grin Feel free to bring your other snubbed friend - and sausages.....

ScarahStratton · 22/10/2011 20:32

I learned the very hard way that it pays to be cynical. I've been tucked up/done over/used so many times by 'friends' that I just don't bother having them any more.

I have my Mumsnet friends, and that is enough for me. And I don't care if that sounds pathetic.

Whatmeworry · 22/10/2011 20:33

You know, it's quite sad really that all of us cynical old bints were right and the "nice" people turned out to be wrong

Bluberties, there is another thread asking what is the point of us older bints, I think once you've been around the block a few times you sort of see this stuff coming :)

Putrifyno · 22/10/2011 20:34

Oh Sarah! Sad I do know where you are coming from though....

FairhairedandFrustrated · 22/10/2011 20:34

Followed this all the way through too!

Wow.... What would they have done with the money had you paid it?? Shock

Original poster
IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 22/10/2011 20:36

Thanks all! :)

I'd love to come to the London meet-up, but I'm at the other end of the country. Very tempted to look at train times though!

Yes, this HAS been a life-changing thread for me! Thank you all, very much.

The reason I didn't challenge the bride-to-be when she said I was snubbing her is because it's so daft and also because I was (still am really) upset by it. I'd hate to think that someone genuinely thought I'd snubbed them. I think I'm just going to leave it with her on that note. I don't tend to bump into her (used to do so, work-related) unless we arrange to meet up, so this could be the last contact I have with her. If I do happen to see her in the street or whatever, I'll be polite but won't take it any further, either being friendly or arguing with her.

I know this will seem daft, but I've been so upset by all of this. Everyone on here has been so supportive and friendly. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, everyone! :)

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 22/10/2011 20:37

Sorry you have been upset.

DeliriousTante · 22/10/2011 20:37

Oh well done op!

lborolass · 22/10/2011 20:37

Why would the HO be lying about the deposit though? Unless she's really a quick thinker and saw a way to reduce her own costs why would she say a deposit has been paid if it hasn't?

There isn't any reason to think that she's being anything other than honest.

Maybe she just said there was a deposit in a attempt to get Tights to reconsider as she doesn't want any unpleasantness at the hen do.

Or maybe the venue have told the HO there needs to be a deposit and HO genuinely thinks she will have to cover the OP's £80. If the activity is unusual and is run by a small business its possible they need 50% up front just to be able to offer it (impossible to say without knowing what the activity is)

Original poster
IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove · 22/10/2011 20:38

Thanks, Putrifyno! Get the chocolate ready! Grin

OP posts:
Blueberties · 22/10/2011 20:39

Tights, don't sign off. I have a feeling there may be a wee backlash heading your way. One is never forgiven for being right. So you might to stick around for everyone to find out and be agog support you if the h.o. or bride go out of their way to be horrid to you. Smile and here's hoping they won't.

You sound really determined. V v good.

notlettingthefearshow · 22/10/2011 20:40

She probably invited you to the hen do as you are someone who is good at/ enjoys that kind of thing and she thought you'd work well in the group. Are you sure numbers aren't restricted for the reception?

I'd go, but don't buy a present. You've spent more than enough on her hen do!

ScarahStratton · 22/10/2011 20:46

Tights, that's how they operate. It's fine for them to do pretty much anything to you. It doesn't work in reverse though. The most minor infringement is a heinous crime that Will Not Be Forgiven.

You don't need people like her in your life, Tights. You've achieved in the space of this thread what it has taken me my whole life to learn.

Block em, delete em. Do whatever you want to do, but Do Not engage with them at all. Let them think/say what they like, anyone worth having in your life won't believe them anyway.

Bloody well done. Now spend that £200 on coming to the Meet. [hgrin]

thunderboltsandlightning · 22/10/2011 20:49

The reason not to trust them is that the reasonable thing to do if they were telling the truth would be for them to say "Oh we're sorry to hear you won't be coming. We've already paid a deposit to the venue, but we'll see if we can get your part of it back. If we can't would you be able to pay it?". Instead they just immediately demanded money - like a punishment for having the audacity not to go along with everything they wanted.