Just gone postal at this woman for making out I was an abusive parent.

[thatgirlsevil]

As the title suggests...I've just gone postal at a woman who decided to follow me down the street and comment on my parenting techniques.

It started off when myself and 3YO DS left a shop after I refused to buy him a treat on the basis of his naughty behaviour (not listening, running off)...he was doing the whole I'm-not-walking collapsed jelly legs thing and I was pretty much hoisting him along and chastising him through gritted teeth (holding him by the wrist but not applying any pressure)...but yes at some points dragging him (no skin touching the floor, just heels) as he protested and tried to resist, although not hurting him to be absolutely clear.

When I let him go he was throwing himself on the concrete and I tried getting down to his level and talking to him but he was too 'in the zone' to see reason...as I shouted at him... exasperated by this point and getting quite upset, he ran off and almost ran into the side road so I grabbed him around the waist, scooped him up as he kicked out and protested and I shouted at him, quite loud...no swearing or horrible words, just general chastising.

The final straw came when I let him down and he bit my middle finger...HARD and broke the skin and it started bleeding quite heavily. I grabbed his hand and at this point started walking very fast across the road to the other side and shouting at him. He was half running beside me and now sobbing...finally moving his legs though because he knew he had totally crossed a line and done something completely unnacceptable.

At this point a woman (mid twenties) sprinted after me and tells me she has been watching out the shop window and it was really terrible to watch...she tells me I should be calm and get down to his level and keeps repeatedly saying how she had been watching and she was sure others were watching and feeling very concerned for the little boys welfare. She said I was making a scene and again, people were watching....and then she actually asked me something along the likes of WHY WAS I TRYING TO GET HIM HOME SO FAST...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN THEN?

It was at this point that I ABSOLUTELY FLIPPED at the suggestion DS might be in danger...and started shouting who the hell was she judging me on the basis of seeing 5 minutes of my parenting at it's worst...I asked her what she was suggesting I might do to DS and how she thinks I could be handling the situation better without spouting Supernanny #101 rhetoric.

I said that I doubted she would have the brass neck to approach a parent who actually was doing something like hitting or swearing at their child in the street.

I basically told her she was an idiot who didn't have a clue what was actually occurring and I clearly needed support rather than condemnation right now. I also said how her tackling me and undermining me in front of DS was idiotic in the extreme when he was clearly having a tantrum, a natural common thing.

I showed her my hand and was shouting about how he'd bit me extremely hard...hence my whipping him across the road and him being in tears. I was ranting now...out of anger, embarrassment and just general exasperation...and I was getting noticeably teary.

I asked her if she had children herself and she hesitated before saying "umm...yes"...it seemed like a lie but maybe she was just floored by my outburst.

She wasn't trying to help me at all...it was as though she wanted me to feel ashamed of how I'd handled the situation and of course I could have handled it better, but at no point did I apply force or hit or swear at DS. I never do.

I burst into tears when I got back home, I was sobbing for myself, DS and I started thinking that the people who witnessed the events must think I'm a fucking monster. I would probably be ashamed to walk down that street again because the fact that this woman thinks I would hurt DS makes me so bloody furious.

I actually asked DS if Mummy had hurt him and he said "No...I was being naughty and I'm sorry for biting you"...I said, please tell me if I hurt you, I'm sorry if I made you feel frightened...he said "I wasn't, I just wanted a treat...but I know I'd been naughty."

I am still so fucking upset. I feel like a shitty shitty Mum.
(sorry it's long)

If you would be 100% sure that a child under 2 would never run into the road because they saw something exciting on the other side then good for you. But I would't take the risk.

Well it's lucky for you they have never acted unpredictably (like toddlers do) and suddenly pulled away from you.

Unless you are holding their so tigtly that it's going blue they could suddenly pull it away so it is lucky that they haven't imo.

You are only human xxx have done exactly the same myself. Kids are difficult and in an ideal world we would all behave a la super nanny. But it's not an ideal world and we're not supernanny xx

Fab post mrsdeveerie!

Saying that you could take everything off them and they wouldn't care is a bit of a cop out imo. Every child has stuff they care about - a trip to the park with their friend that was planned or whatever there will be something.

Hahahaha dunno if that was aimed at me but just to clarify my boys don't have friends! They're SLD. Eldest would refuse to go to the park or anywhere else for that matter and youngest would swing for about 5 milliseconds before wanting to come home!
could bribe 'em with food..that generally works but 50 kitkats in a day might be a bit much even for them ..not that they'd think so mind you.

Like I said one size don't fit all and people do react under stress, it's part of what's called being human!

Yep that's why I've always used reins AND held their hands.

I feel the same MrsDeVere . What next, people saying that they don't want to put their babies in cribs because it's like "an animal in a cage" ?

my ds flipped in tesco as he couldnt have a toy, a woman approched me and asked me if there was a better way i could deal with him, so i picked my ds (6) up plonked him in her trolley and told her to deal with him then if she was such a bloody great expert, she soon dissapeared off. theres always a perfect person out there ready to tell you how to parent!

Public tantrums are the worst. My eldest used to headband and once we were in the supermarket when he was about 2, he was screaming and banging his head on the floor as we had said no to something. A man came up and said"my son used to do that, don't worry he grew out of it" it was just the right thing to say, no judgement just hope that it wouldn't last forever!
We now have a trump card when they misbehave, threaten them with going to live with grandma! Or I say fine you stay here I am going and after a couple of min they trot after me. Coming up to Xmas you can also use father Xmas is watching you.

I've had public meltdowns with dd4 that have been loads worse ...and have comments from strangers about child being brat ect (she's autistic).

And I have recently said something to a woman about her behavior toward her child. Wee girl about 3 , crying nag throwing a tantrum about not getting sweets in shop , mum screamed right in her face , swearing at her...told her she should try cuddling her child if she wanted her to stop crying.

Think what you did was what I would have done, maybe I would have picked my dd4 up and walked with her instead of trying to coax her along , but she's tiny for age. Don't think the girl who spoke to you actually had kids either , but her intentions were sort of in the right place...even if she didn't realize small kids can be a nightmare outside.

I wouldn't feel that your a bad mother , you just a knackered mother . We've all had days like that .

fearful we have one of those big play pens for DC5 and it is lovingly referred to by all the family as 'the baby's cage'