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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT want exH to come to our DCs parents evening with me?

175 replies

MistyMountainHop · 12/10/2011 11:37

exH has got the arse because i will be attending parents evening with my DH and not him.

i have told him i will let him know what the teachers say but apparently that isn't good enough, he wanted to come.

my opinion is that it would be downright weird to attend a parents evening with my ex, we get on ok and no one can replace DC dad. but dh, me, and our DC are a family unit now so surely its more normal for me and DH to go together? Confused

or AIBU? maybe i am! what do other parents do that are divorced from dc dad and have new partner?

OP posts:
MurderBloodstabsandgore · 12/10/2011 11:39

YABU.

unless you are equally happy for him to go and tell you what the teachers say.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 12/10/2011 11:39

I have no experience of seperation, but, I think he has as much right to know what is going on in DDs life as you.
Presumably your DD lives with you, but has contact with DH?

MurderBloodstabsandgore · 12/10/2011 11:40

but dh, me, and our DC are a family unit now so surely its more normal for me and DH to go together?

you are cutting him out.

scurryfunge · 12/10/2011 11:40

Of course you are being unreasonable.

HappyJoy · 12/10/2011 11:40

he is the father, he has as much right as you do to be there

you made the child 50/50

aldiwhore · 12/10/2011 11:40

Sorry I do think YABU.

IF your ex couldn't attend there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking your DH. However, if your ex wishes to attend then he should be able to.

Its not about the two of you, its about your child.

And actually, at our school, not one teacher would think it weird if both parents turned up, in fact they'd see it as something very positive.

Sorry its not what you want to hear.

honeylamb · 12/10/2011 11:40

It is not uncommon at our school for teachers to see separated parents separately, make 2 appointments one for you and one for exH.. He has just as much right to be there as you.

cestlavielife · 12/10/2011 11:40

no he is entitled to be invoved in his child's educaiton

if he was abusive/violent/has rtestrining order then different - but otherwise you should you and your new dh grit teeth and go to parents evening with him.

you say you get on OK - so go with him to parents evening.

sparkle12mar08 · 12/10/2011 11:40

YABU totally unreasonable. She is his daughter and he has every right to be there. You neeed to shake yourself down and go with him. Icy politeness is fine, you don't have to be best friends.

Kayano · 12/10/2011 11:41

YABVU and dismissive of him

Angry

He has as much right to go as you. Suck it up

worraliberty · 12/10/2011 11:41

YABU

This is a pain in the arse for teachers who have to end up seeing 2 sets of parents for the same child.

Either go all together, or go with the child's Dad and tell your DH what the teacher said.

CristinadellaPizza · 12/10/2011 11:41

You remarried, your child didn't get a new dad. Of course YABU

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 12/10/2011 11:41

well he (ds) lives with me murder

me and DH are the ones who see what he does at school day to day, do his reading etc etc. exH only sees him once a week, he wouldn't have a clue what he is doing at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 12/10/2011 11:41

(although i have to add that i would be more than happy to tell him, should he ask, but he doesn't)

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 12/10/2011 11:42

Parents evenings at DC's schools are generally attended by both separated parents. (as are assemblies, Christmas productions etc). I think it's great that both parents are fully involved in the child's life.

loveglove · 12/10/2011 11:42

yabu

HappyJoy · 12/10/2011 11:43

exH only sees him once a week, he wouldn't have a clue what he is doing at school.

now is his chance to find out then eh

Kayano · 12/10/2011 11:43

So what Misty? Who cares if he sees him once a week? He is involved in HIS child's life and should be allowed to go if that's what he wishes!

You are being totally selfish!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/10/2011 11:43

And he won't have much of a clue if he's excluded from parent consultations will he?... Hmm

Vibrant · 12/10/2011 11:43

Very unreasonable. You, your xh and dc are still a family unit of sorts and always will be. If he's showing an interest in going and being that involved in their lives then you need to let him. I don't think it's remotely weird to go together, it's sensible.

scurryfunge · 12/10/2011 11:44

He would not have a clue about what he was doing at school anyway if you continue with that attitude -surely the child wants to know his dad is interested in him?

worraliberty · 12/10/2011 11:44

he wouldn't have a clue what he is doing at school

So parents evening will enlighten him won't it?

AKMD · 12/10/2011 11:44

That doesn't mean that he doesn't care about his DS. I completely agree with cestlavie - if he was a danger to your DS then it would be different. As it is, he is entitled to be involved in his son's life, a major part of which is school.

YABU and trying to belittle him.

loveglove · 12/10/2011 11:44

me and DH are the ones who see what he does at school day to day, do his reading etc etc. exH only sees him once a week, he wouldn't have a clue what he is doing at school.

No wonder if this is your attitude when he tries to get involved!

coccyx · 12/10/2011 11:44

Yabu, you complain that he would have no idea what is going on at school, then stop him attending a parents evening.

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