to NOT want exH to come to our DCs parents evening with me?

[MistyMountainHop]

exH has got the arse because i will be attending parents evening with my DH and not him.

i have told him i will let him know what the teachers say but apparently that isn't good enough, he wanted to come.

my opinion is that it would be downright weird to attend a parents evening with my ex, we get on ok and no one can replace DC dad. but dh, me, and our DC are a family unit now so surely its more normal for me and DH to go together?

or AIBU? maybe i am! what do other parents do that are divorced from dc dad and have new partner?

YABU (sorry). My ex is a prick of the highest order but when he lived near enough I always invited him to parents evening.

You clearly want to create a new family, so, slowly, over time will push their Father out.

Did you create a child on your own? No? Well then grow the Hell up.

Is this a wind up/journo from Daily Mail?

You are being staggeringly unreasonable. Really.

YABU

"my opinion is that it would be downright weird to attend a parents evening with my ex"

Where on earth do you live? The 1950's? There'll be all kinds of combinations of single, living together, married, gay, lesbian parents going to a parents evening these days and no one will bat an eyelid at you and your son's father.

Unless its, as I suspect, an excuse for you wanting to pretend your DS's father doesn't matter/exist. Very naughty of you, even if he is the world's most annoying man.

dsd's mum has just received an almighty telling off in court for behaving like this. I'd stop being so daft if I were you and start acting like co-parents.

Or if you really can´t face it, let him go this time?

TBH I´ve only ever beeen to one parents evening & that was because my Dad happened to be staying & we could both go.

Husband usually goes as his German is better than mine.

And from that once, I can´t say that it´s had me clamouring to be able to go in my husband´s place

There have been times when I wouldn't have pissed in my ex's mouth if her tongue was on fire. But I always make sure she knows when parent's evening is running and I wouldn't dream of trying to stop her coming along.

YABU. You should ideally go together. If not then your ex should make his own appointment to go and see the teachers and be involved with what is going on at school, rather than just relying on a report from you. I'm not surprised he isn't happy, especially as you are taking your new partner in his place!

If you can't act like you ought to and go together, then make separate appointments. Don't exclude him from it.

Why are you taking your DH? He is not your childs father, kids only get one dad and your childs father should be permitted to attend.

You are being unreasonable totally.

YABU. All divorced parents that I know attend with their DC's other parent, not with new partner.

If it is important for some reason that your DH attends then make 2 separate appointments but, TBH, the only person I know who tried this reverted to going with her ex because attending on his own he came out with an entirely different view to the one she had got - so it is easier to swallow animosity and at least know that she knows what the teacher(s) told him.

He is also entitled to receive copies of DC's reports, etc straight from the school if he feels you are not "sharing" - do you really want to go there?

its not your ex husband you are going with, its your child's father

I wish people could see what they do their children when they play games with them.

absolutely

but as always its the children who suffer the most. I just wish people would take more time and more care when choosing their child's father

Happy joy that is a bit harsh, most people do think they have chosen the right person to have a child with but you have no guarantees what will happen a few years down the line.
If a split does happen, the two parents should behave like sensible adults so that they can still parent the child together.

It's not that straightforward though Happyjoy. I think why we get into the relationships with the people who do is complex, we don't always know what sort of parent they are going to be and when relationships break up emotions run high, and that manifests in all sorts of unexpected behaviour.

The clue is in the title - it's Parent's evening, you and your ex are the parents.

Why would you not allow him to be there when he wants to?

YABVU

Agree with everyone else - YABU and wrong.

Do you kind of wish DH was the dad and hope that more and more everyone will think so? If so, be honest with yourself and work on that. You will screw your kid up with that attitude.

Like many, I have seen the result of this kind of thing (twenty years later down the track) and it is a sad and shameful one. All the little slights, asides, pushings-out, etc, add up and eventually the relationship with the real dad is destroyed. But the children are always HURT by this. It doesn't create a new, happy-ever-after, little utopia with just a different man in the picture. Don't think it will, please.

My mum and dad got divorced, and for one reason or another there were issues at both my 30th birthday and wedding because "it was weird" being in the same room as the ex. Sadly despite having a great day both days, they were shadowed by silly little incidences that neednt have happened. I would have loved both my parents to come to parents day, and their "weirdness" made me feel I had to have 2 seperate engagement parties rather than see them in the same room. I will add there was no violence or anything, and they both always said they didn't have a problem with the other.

Surely you can be adult enough for your child not to have to feel like I did? I did read your post where you said that you may have been unreasonable, I'm just trying to make sure you ACT on that rather than continuing a pattern that will only hurt your DC. Take your ex, not current P.

Its so sad that you cant put your child first. Your new husband is not her dad, hope this thread makes you see how appalling your behavior is.

YABU. He has as much right to be there as you do. I have been to my DSS parent's evenings (in lieu of OH who was working nights at the time).

I don't really understand what your issue is unless there is massive animosity between you and he doesn't really see his child or show an interest otherwise.

Just thought I'd point out that OP accepted she was BU 2 pages ago ... See 11:50 post.

Yet another YABU from me. I would never have assumed that I would go to DSS's parents night with my DH. He and his ex wife always went together, as they should. Admittedly we have a very amicable relationship (she and I are good friends now) but that'd irrelevant in this case.

actually this isn't even about him being allowed to go. it's not up to you to permit him to go, he can just go and sit in on the appointments/ask questions etc. you have no say in that at all TBH.