to think perhaps working mothers should have priority when it comes to nursery places??

[SJaneS]

My OH has a new job starting the end of next month - its a big role and more money (good news!) but a long commute which means during the working week we won't see much of him. Currently he does the drop off and pick up from our childminder three days a week and our 3 year old daughter is in the local nursery the other two days.

I don't drive and will have to do the childminder drop off and pick up which will involve a two hour journey for three days a week (its in the next village and we have an infrequent bus and train service). We live in a village where everyone is relatively well off and the majority of the other local mothers I know have been able financially to choose to stay at home. I completely respect that and if we were in a different position then I'd prefer to be bringing up our daughter. As it is I work a five day week.

We have one nursery and one childminder in the village. Nursery places are allocated on a first come first served basis so completely democratically. The only other local working mother I know has an equally complicated juggle to source and get to good childcare. There are no spare days at the local nursery and many of the children there come from homes where the mother isn't out to work.

I fully believe that each child has the right to good nursery provision. I know that looking after a child/children full time is bl$$dy hard work and women need and deserve a respite. On the other hand in the current situation part of me does feel that working mothers should be given some form of priority when it comes to nursery places. Is that very wrong??!

So the parent who has no reason but thing its good for there child gets left to the bottom of the list and never gets the nursery place with that system Kirsty. Again hardly a fair system is it.

If people are willing to pay for the childcare then why should personal circumstances be taken into account at all?

OP I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here. I agree with you. I'm a SAHM and if I had to return to work i'd be pretty miffed if I couldn't get a local nursery place when other local mums were at home to look after their own children.

I sympathise with your situation, OP, but I don't think there should be any priorities given when it comes to nursery places as people have their own reasons for wanting/needing a place.

I think that's just what you get for living in a village with no car. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that is country life. I live in a city and have ample choice of nurseries within a couple of miles - you can get away without driving. I'm not saying you should move to a city, but you just can't expect good facilities on your doorstep if you choose to live in a village.

Yabvu. I am a sahm with no family of my own ie parents or siblings. My inlaws are a 8 hour drive away and mil currently not in best of health. I have my own health problems. Without my dd nursery place I would get no help what so ever, my dh is out of the house 7 til 7 5 days a week.

You are being ver unfair and expect non working parents to be penalised because you don't drive. You and dh should have thought about the childcare before accepting the job.

Also our money is as good as yours.

@Sirzy Oh, maybe I wasn't being clear enough: these are state-run nurseries and the parents aren't paying. They're making a financial contribution, calculated as a percentage of earnings, but it doesn't cover the cost of the nursery, the shortfall is made up by the state. And if the state's paying, it's reasonable it gets to decide who has priority for what is, essentially, a benefit.

SAHPs who want - and can afford - it can still send their children to private nurseries which are run on a first come first served basis, or get a childminder. Or take up the one-day-a-week places or go to the council-run mother and baby drop in centres if they want stimulation/socialisation for their little ones.

I have to say, though, I've never met a SAHP who wanted to put an under-three in full-time nursery.

Why not get an Au Pair that drives?
Or a nanny share?
Or move.

All of these have been suggested and you have ignored them.

You chose to live in a remote village and haven't learned to drive (any NT person can learn to drive) - you can't do that and expect to have city convenience. It's a 15 minute trip - in a day that's an hour if you live right near where you work, even if sometimes it is 1.20 or 1.30 - in a day do you not think other parents do this?

I work 4 days a week, went back to work when my first DD was 1 year old; 2 years later I had my second DD and again returned to work when she was 1 year old; financially I had little choice but to return. Yes it was a bit of a juggle but I don't ask for preference over any other child/parent; I planned well in advance but it was still difficult. I have friends who could afford not to return to paid work until their children were school age, they had to juggle every thing too. Its not a matter of preference of one child over another, its whatever policy the nursery/ child minder has, so the moral of it all is get your name down as soon as possible! Keep on the waiting list, hopefully a place will come up soon.

Haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has been said already.

But, OP, it occurs to me that there is a gap in your local market for childcare. Would you consider quitting your job and setting up as a childminder or even starting a nursery? Would enable you to be with your daughter (which you say you'd prefer) and solve the childcare issue. And it might be a roaring success...

ChippingIn any NT person can drive just as any woman can breastfeed? Its a skill that has to be learnt and some of us can't learn it for whatever reason. And have tried.

OP yabu but I can totally understand why - I get a bit eyebrow raisy when I see afterschool club places being taken up by sahms as well. They are not all looking after sick relatives.

But lots of us have awkward and difficult school runs and commutes - it isnt easy but it is our choice as others have pointed out to live in inconvenient places etc. If you cant make it work then something will have to change.

Sorry I don't agree. Of course anybody can learn to drive you may not be a natural it may take hundreds of lessons and perserversence but of course you can do it. I shan't mention how many times and how many lessons it took me but I go there in the end.

YABU. Maybe you should have planned things better.

whathappened - maybe everyone can drive like everyone can perform open heart surgery - we can all do it but doesnt mean we wont be dangerous or incompetent.

omni don't be silly. The test is pretty hard to pass these days.

OP, if you do come back, what do you think of the other ideas:

Bike/trailer things
Driving an automatic
Taking an intensive driving course

By the way, have you ever tried taking your test in another test centre? It may be that a fresh start is what you need - different roundabouts etc!

Re lift shares - I think you would just have to buy an extra car seat and leave it in their car.

I got if not flamed at least singed for suggesting that learning to drive an automatic is limiting.

Then last week having arranged to hire an automatic I got a last minute call from the company, very sorry, the car they had intended to give for me was in for urgent repair, they only had a manual, would I take it and had I a licence for it?

Yes and yes. And while I quickly reminded myself why I went over to an automatic years ago I was relieved that I could manage with a manual if I had to.

It's for the children not you, pre-school that is. Our pre-school had a policy of trying to give every child at least two half days, instead of all the sessions being taken up by working parents/a few. Their reasoning was the private nurseries existed for more flexible childcare but a pre-school attached to a school was to give every child a chance at attending at least twice a week.

YABU, just because it's difficult for you does not mean everyone else should yeild. Get a better job, move, reduce your outgoings etc. I've had to and so should you.

"it's a big role and more £" - you can't have it all, didn't someone tell you that?

Your dh has a great new role with more money so now you expect the 'less worthy' children of SAHP not to benefit from pre-school places? YABU. In fact you are deluded.

Just out of interest, if I worked just 3 hours a week, would that qualify me to take a place (in your bizarre priority system)?

I don't think the op was talking about preschool, she was talking about private day nurseries.

I just can't see that the parents' occupation is any of a nursery's business, and it's certainly nothing to do with other parents.