to think perhaps working mothers should have priority when it comes to nursery places??

[SJaneS]

My OH has a new job starting the end of next month - its a big role and more money (good news!) but a long commute which means during the working week we won't see much of him. Currently he does the drop off and pick up from our childminder three days a week and our 3 year old daughter is in the local nursery the other two days.

I don't drive and will have to do the childminder drop off and pick up which will involve a two hour journey for three days a week (its in the next village and we have an infrequent bus and train service). We live in a village where everyone is relatively well off and the majority of the other local mothers I know have been able financially to choose to stay at home. I completely respect that and if we were in a different position then I'd prefer to be bringing up our daughter. As it is I work a five day week.

We have one nursery and one childminder in the village. Nursery places are allocated on a first come first served basis so completely democratically. The only other local working mother I know has an equally complicated juggle to source and get to good childcare. There are no spare days at the local nursery and many of the children there come from homes where the mother isn't out to work.

I fully believe that each child has the right to good nursery provision. I know that looking after a child/children full time is bl$$dy hard work and women need and deserve a respite. On the other hand in the current situation part of me does feel that working mothers should be given some form of priority when it comes to nursery places. Is that very wrong??!

I know it might seem like it as well but I know many nurseries do give preference to working mothers, simply becuase of financial income; and indeed people like my sis who manages a chain of nurseries and thinks all SAHM / carers / working from home mums / sick or disabled people / anyone not her is scum.

(I am a sahm / carer so fall into that)

I think what people are saying is don't give up on the driving. I understand it has taken a great deal of time/effort etc. still to no avail but it could be the answer to your problems.

You might have taken a confidence knock in your driving at failing 3 times, nevertheless it is worth it. Many people fail more times than that; the two brightest and most successful people I know took 6 and 8 times respectively, some people just find it harder than others.

I think there have been enough posts already, demonstrating that giving working mums priority is unworkable. Also part of the point if early years education is to benefit children in non working households who are more likely to be behind when they start school, due to multiple factors. Obviously there are brilliant parents in non working households, and poor ones in dual income or one income hoseholds, but I am bringing it up because that is one of the reasons the government brought in early years education, to decrease (in theory) social inequality.

Peachy good point, when I worked full time DD was in full time nursery. When she turned 3 I gave up work and since then she has only used gov funded places because that's all we could afford.

OP are there not any parents that could help you out with a school run? Or a Chid minder who will collect and bring to your village?

I can imagine you have found the 'learn to drive then' comments unhelpful. But it really does seem like the best solution (not least because, fair or not, your local nursery is very unlikely to change its admissions policy) - could you give it another go? Lots of people fail 3 times before passing

lift share website look for a lift here for you and your dc

I failed 6 times before passing !

advertise on your local shop that you require a lift either their or back - then at least if anyone is going that way they will know you require a lift and you could share petrol

I do as well as somone who cant driveand dont like driving.

I know this might sound crazy but i know 2 parents at the school who gave up work to become a childminder. It didnt take long to do whatever it takes to do it.

By the sounds of it there is a real need for childminders in your village and you would have plenty customers??

YABVU DD2 did one day a week at nursery, it kept us both sane. I may be a SAHM, but small people 24/7 still do my head in. Likewise my very sociable, people orientated DD2 loved getting out of the house and away from boring old mummy.
She's 10 she still shouts hello to her old nursery and talks about the staff (lovely young girls with patience for preschoolers that I could only dream of) and other children.

SJaneS - have you considered being a childminder yourself? I don't know your financial situation, but if you were working as a childminder, you wouldn't be having to pay nursery/childminding fees or have the hassle of getting your child to the childminder on time. Plus it does sound as if good childcare would be in demand where you live. If you could make as much from childminding as you bring home from your current job less the childcare costs, it might be an option for you.

SJS

A few of us have suggested moving and/or giving up work? What are the pros and cons of that? How do you feel about dhs long commute and that you won't see much of him? Have you got family ties or responsibilities in the village that would make it hard to consider moving? Personally, I would do anything to avoid a situation where dh is working a long way away, I miss him if he goes away for one night!

When my DD went to nursery (school nursery, not private) she went from aged 3 for the free sessions. I paid extra for the 3 days I worked so she could stay for lunch and a bit longer into the afternoon session when my childminder picked up (she had another child at a different nursery to collect so couldn't be 2 places at once). I asked to have her stay for lunch on the other 2 days I didn't work, as the food was great, DD seemed more inclined to eat when in her nursery group and try new things, and it meant I got an extra hour to get organised/sort house out etc. I was told they would allow it, but if a parent needed the spot for work reasons, I'd have to give up the days I wasn't working. I understood the logic in that, and had no problem with that. As it turned out, DD kept her lunch place for the whole week, and got to try lots of lovely food she would never touch if I put it in front of her. They introduced extended hours just as she was finishing up, and I know the priority for the extra sessions was for working parents first. It didn't mean those who were there for their free sessions lost them. I understand what the OP is saying, and although it's unreasonable to assume SAHPs don't have good reasons for using nurseries, it makes sense that working parents do get some kind of priority. At the very least it could be explored by the nursery to see if if would be possible to 'make' space for the child of a working parent with a bit of diplomatic juggling etc.

I failed my driving test 5 times before passing the 6th time. But I am not embarrassed at all .

Where I live (not UK) working parents do get priority for nursery places. But the nurseries are state-run, and in VERY short supply. If you SAHM, you can be on the waiting list, but you'd never get a place. And you do get booted out if you leave employment (or rather, get your nursery hours cut, to free up hours for working parents).

Prefer the UK system myself! At least you don't have to wait 3-4 years for a nursery place!!

YABU to expect priority but YANBU for being stressed and frustrated at trying to juggle childcare with other commitments. It is hard to make a job work when you are 100% reliant on professional childcare. That's the reason why 4 out of 5 working mothers rely on a network of family and friends and it's even harder in a rural area where there is less childcare available.

I'm in a rural area too, and it took months of research, retainer fees and waiting lists to get the childcare I wanted and needed. It's all worked out wonderfully for my DC (though left me desperately poor), but there is no way in a million years I could do it without being able to drive. I'm not surprised you're stressed out about it all. It's stressful enough just organising the childcare, let alone factoring in a two-hour commute on public transport. I think the only solution is to either start budgeting for taxis or to continue to learn to drive. Failing 3x is pretty common and doesn't mean you can't do it (my mum passed on her 13th try, and despite that statistic was an excellent driver). Incidentally, if you have an ongoing arrangement with a local taxi firm, you'll probably find it won't be anywhere near as expensive as you might think.

YABU. And I say that as a working mum who had a fairly last minute panic about childcare after the original plans fell through.

Nurseries are not set up specifically to provide care for children whose parents are at work - they tend to be used primarily for that purpose, but it is not their sole purpose. Many people choose to send their child to nursery because they believe that it is good for the child to attend for various reasons. It is simply not practical or appropriate for a nursery owner to sit in judgement upon whether those reasons are good enough. You could argue that it would be discriminatory to refuse a child a place on the basis that the mother does not work - why should that child be disadvantaged (if you believe that it is a disadvantage - I'm not saying that it is!) due to the employment status of one parent?

And what would happen if the nursery had no spaces whatsoever for incoming children at the time when a parent returned to work? It would nto then be a case of prioritising one application over another - it would be a question of kicking out a potentially settled, happy child and removing them from their friends. Would that be fair or acceptable? Or what about if there were 2 spaces available and 3 working mums wanting it? How would the nursery prioritise? Would the owner have to judge whose employment was most worthy? Or who had the greatest financial need to work? Or who had failed their driving test the most?

It is completely unworkable.

I agree with those suggesting persistance on the driving test front. It took me 4 attempts and I consider myself a good driver. I just kept failing on minor issues.

YABU if only for your title. why only working mothers and not working fathers?

Boooooooooooyhoo

Can't believe we didn't see that already!

original- there's always one isn't there?

I thought the PC brigade would arrive sooner or later...

FWIW, my grandma's best friend failed her test 30 times before she passed at the grand old age of 68. I wouldn't get in a car with her but fair play for sheer bloody-mindedness!

I think that the lift share idea is quite a good one. You may have to buy an extra couple of car seats to leave in that person's car, but otherwise it could solve your problems and be green too!

Put up notices in both villages and ask around.

Just a thought, try approaching teachers at the local primary school in the other village. They tend to go to work early so will be doing their journey early enough to suit your needs. A young teacher or NQT might be glad of the cash and will, hopefully, be amenable to children.

it had to be said AKMD.

Course it did, this is MN

How do you get to work OP? Apologies if it's already been mentioned but I can't see it anywhere.