to think perhaps working mothers should have priority when it comes to nursery places??

[SJaneS]

My OH has a new job starting the end of next month - its a big role and more money (good news!) but a long commute which means during the working week we won't see much of him. Currently he does the drop off and pick up from our childminder three days a week and our 3 year old daughter is in the local nursery the other two days.

I don't drive and will have to do the childminder drop off and pick up which will involve a two hour journey for three days a week (its in the next village and we have an infrequent bus and train service). We live in a village where everyone is relatively well off and the majority of the other local mothers I know have been able financially to choose to stay at home. I completely respect that and if we were in a different position then I'd prefer to be bringing up our daughter. As it is I work a five day week.

We have one nursery and one childminder in the village. Nursery places are allocated on a first come first served basis so completely democratically. The only other local working mother I know has an equally complicated juggle to source and get to good childcare. There are no spare days at the local nursery and many of the children there come from homes where the mother isn't out to work.

I fully believe that each child has the right to good nursery provision. I know that looking after a child/children full time is bl$$dy hard work and women need and deserve a respite. On the other hand in the current situation part of me does feel that working mothers should be given some form of priority when it comes to nursery places. Is that very wrong??!

I agree with the OP.

Trying to get childcare for when you work can be really challenging.

I don't understand why you would pay out 40 quid or so for a days chilcare if you don't work.

I live in France, and here most nurseries are a) state-run and b) give priority to children both of whose parents work. (The exact rules depend on the town you live in - here it's very strict, if you don't work you can't have more than one or two half days a week).

So it isn't unworkable... though there is the big difference that here there is kindergarten from three years old which is open to all children.

Purple - perhaps because it's good for the child? Ds loves nursery and went half a day a week before I started uni and it's done his development the world of good!

A school like admission policy prioritised by "need" would never work as you can't judge who needs it more. Just because someone is a sahm doesn't mean they don't need the childcare either for mother or child

purplewednesday - perhaps because you are depressed?

sorry - that should be they are depressed, not you .....

OP - I think your DH is being totally inconsiderate to you and your DD. Tell him that you are not going to take your 3 year old dd on several hour long bus journeys early morning and evening when she will be tired. And that it's not acceptable for him not to see his family in the week.

I still agree with the OP.

(runs away quickly and hides)

i think that for 3-4 year olds state nurseries offering the 15 free hours should be available to all,

i think for younger children, that if the sahm doesnt need the space, it is kind of selfish of them.

actually i dont see why they would send their kids to nursery? socialisation and all of that can be done in childrens centre/play groups? espescially if they have younger children so are not free anyway.

obviously this is refering to those who dont need the space, ie sick relatives or other issues

saying that when by youngest is 2 and a half and eligible for neg2 funding, then i would send him to a childminder, so that i can focus on career development, such as voluntary work/ college in preperation for when my youngest goes to full time school so that i can re enter the work force...

@Sirzy. Why would it be unworkable? It exists elsewhere...

I think the 15 hours state funded nursery is a different kettle of fish to the £40 a day private nursery that people shell out for so they can go to work.
Those are the ones I agree should prioritise working parents.

Agree the 15 hours for post 3-year-olds is different to private nursery. Which was the OP referring to?

In other European countries state nursery places are aimed at dual parent working families, the idea being to allow women to go back to work, so it could waor here.

Waor - work.

Yabu. Everyone has different (and equally pressing) reasons for needing a place.

Of course everyone is going to feel that their own situation is the most deserving, so first come first served is the fairest way to allocate places.

The thing is-lots, of course not all and maybe not the majority even, of working parents with two parents working are doing so out of sheer bread on the table necessity. And I don't think anyone should gave to justify to anyone their reasons for working. Within my circle of friends there is a huge range of reasons for working. So should all of them be given priority, or only the ones who would be actually bankrupt without it? And who is going to "bell the cat" on this and set up the body that would police it? Are we really saying that the only justifiable reason for bring apart from your children is paid employment?

YABU.

The Childcare Act 2006 placed a statutory requirement on local authorities in England to carry out an assessment of childcare.
They are are required to do four things:

• Identify the demand of childcare for parents and prospective parents
• Establish the supply of childcare within the authority
• Cross reference the supply and demand and identify any gaps
• Create an action plan of how we were going to fill the gaps identified

It might be worth contacting your local authority and asking if they can give you a copy of the report from their last audit to see if there are any plans for your area.

yabu - you chose to use a cm not in the village or the local nursery fulltime when it suited you. What happens if dh is unwell or has to travel ? Can CM pick her up or you go by taxi ? Could dh drop her off earlier ? Do you work in the village or could you take ehr soemwhere closer to where you do amd if you have no intention fo drivign suggets you move somewhere less remote as you may seriously limit what your dd will be able to do after school otherwise.

It would seem other places it exists it is based on a "you work you need it more" principle. That may not be a realistic judgement of how things actually are.

The "sahm" who looks after her disabled parents 7 days a week - do they need it any less?

The parent who has pnd who needs a day a week to themselves - do they need it less?

Every case is different which is why a first come first served principle is the only fair way to work it

I can't get my head around living in a rural area and not being able to drive. That must be incredibly frustrating. Especially as your husband doesn't seem to have considered the impact his new job will have on the family. You sound like you're quite isolated in this situation.

Did you guys discuss it before he took the job?

I really think I'd be considering moving.

YABU re the childcare thing though. Impossible to police that. I understand it's an annoying situation for you though.

Well, I can only tell you how it is here.

The parent who has pnd would still be catered for because occasional care - a couple of half days a week - is allocated on a different system and the parent who has pnd would still get that. I'm not sure, but I think they would have priority.

Disabled parents and carers of disabled people are exceptions to the working parents rule so they would also be catered for.

More generally - if a system is being set up and run by trained professionals, they will probably think of, and cater for, most of the exceptions that you can imagine. And if you really are in a strange case that no-one has thought of, they have the possibility of bending the rules.

Sorry but why don't you learn to drive so the travelling will be shorter? I can never understand why people have children when only one of the parents can drive. Driving really is a necessity when you have kids.

It would seem other places it exists it is based on a "you work you need it more" principle. That may not be a realistic judgement of how things actually are

Statistically your other cases are going to be dwarfed by working mothers though.

But it all depends on why a state assists nursery places, some European countries are explicitly trying to increase birthrate and making it ways for mothers to work and have kids is seen as a big driver of that.

no its not, my mum managed fine and so do i...

but then again we live in London not the countryside.

and we couldnt afford a car and insurance/maintenance etc