to think perhaps working mothers should have priority when it comes to nursery places??

[SJaneS]

My OH has a new job starting the end of next month - its a big role and more money (good news!) but a long commute which means during the working week we won't see much of him. Currently he does the drop off and pick up from our childminder three days a week and our 3 year old daughter is in the local nursery the other two days.

I don't drive and will have to do the childminder drop off and pick up which will involve a two hour journey for three days a week (its in the next village and we have an infrequent bus and train service). We live in a village where everyone is relatively well off and the majority of the other local mothers I know have been able financially to choose to stay at home. I completely respect that and if we were in a different position then I'd prefer to be bringing up our daughter. As it is I work a five day week.

We have one nursery and one childminder in the village. Nursery places are allocated on a first come first served basis so completely democratically. The only other local working mother I know has an equally complicated juggle to source and get to good childcare. There are no spare days at the local nursery and many of the children there come from homes where the mother isn't out to work.

I fully believe that each child has the right to good nursery provision. I know that looking after a child/children full time is bl$$dy hard work and women need and deserve a respite. On the other hand in the current situation part of me does feel that working mothers should be given some form of priority when it comes to nursery places. Is that very wrong??!

Well done on your dh's job! All that travelling must be exhausting, though. I dont think queue jumping childcare is the answer, though. From that point of view YABU. Is there not any way you could move to somewhere with better transport links, or nearer your jobs, or learn to drive?

I think working parents should have priority in daycare for under 3s. (though not sure how you could logistically do that)

But for nursery places for 3 and 4 year olds ? - no, all children are entitled to that so it has to be done fairly.

Why has your dh taken the new job if it leaves you stuck- why is childcare YOUR role?

Mty dh did this to me eyars back: I had a evening / shift job I adored but he was offered his dream hob and acepted immediately. It meant I had to pack in the job for another one meaning childcre which he left to me

I have told him, if he tries that again it is HIS job to sort not mine, cash rise or not we are a unit and work together

I really do understand where you are coming from - it must be incredibly frustrating. But it would be almost impossible to work out a "fair" waiting list based on who needs the place the most (whether those needs be working parents, illness etc etc) and first come, first served is the best alternative. Hope you manage to work things out.

Some nurseries do give working parents some degree of priority not because they're working but because they will take a full time place. That's clearly a business decision, as a full-time place is more valuable to nurseries than a part-time one that they may or may not be able to fill up the remainder of. If you're on the waiting list for more days to make it FT at the local nursery, you might find that you rise up the list much quicker than you would if you only wanted part-time provision.

Otherwise difficult travel arrangements come with the territory when you live in a rural area.

Isn't is sad that parents are scrabbling to get good quality care and education for their children when all of society would benefit if there was grater access and availability for every child.

Merci you are right about the 3 hours- to teh extent that most local aprents have kept their children in paid for local nurseries (need a supplement to per hour rate to match cost)rather than utilise the free sessions closer at hand

No, first come first served is the only fair way. It should not be up to the nursery manager to have to decide who needs the place most. My DS2 went to nursery 3 days a week when I was a SAHM, but a SAHM who was going to my parents' house every day to help look after my terminally ill father. Is that a less important reason for wanting childcare than your job? Maybe you should have learnt to drive before your DH went for a job further away.

I can understand your frustration, but what makes your needs more important than anyone else's. There could be a very good reason why the child of a sahm is in nursery, as mentioned above. And, tbh, there doesn't need to be a reason, they are paying for a service like you.
When queing for a coffee, do you expect to be able to jump the queue because you are VERY thirsty?

YABU your daughter is 3 and so will be at a preschool nursery stage not a purely childcare stage if that makes sense. She should have no priority over any other child. Just as the other mothers have taken the choice not to work you choose where to live and not to drive (and i dont drive myself so im not havign a go about that but it IS a choice - for both of us). I am a sahm and my child deserves preschool education as much as any other!

But I don't understand how that would help your problem , once spaces are filled they are filled - should the last enrolled child od a SAHM be booted out to make way for the changes to your circumstances?

Alternatively you could pay for maximum sessions 5 days a week just in case?

I know it doesn't seem fair but things never do

Im afraid YABVU

oh also when my 2 year old was in nursery for mornings (I was unwell and in hosptial so dh needed him there - to work) I was still a sahm but not able to care for him.

Yabu. There are many reasons why people work including but not exclusively sheer financial necessity. There are many reasons why people stay at home. Staying at home does not automatically mean you should have your child with you 24/7. And to find out why people express the need to send their child to nursery would involve intrusive questions about finances, personal circumstances and lifestyle choices. It would never work. The only thing parents ate able to do, and even this isn't always possible, is to sign up very early. First come first served is the only non intrusive reasonably fair way.

YABU. That is the market- first come first served.
Perhaps your OH should have taken his childcare commitments into consideration before he took his new role?

Get a nanny

Ok, have read more of the thread, you've tried unsuccessfully to learn to drive. However, if you live in an affluent village, where all but two of the mums SAH, and you have to work 5 days to maintain this lifestyle, could you consider moving somewhere cheaper so that you could stay at home with your daughter, as you say you want to do in your OP? If your dh has a big role, and long hours, you could afford to live nearer his work and see a lot more of him.

Basically, if you want to be a SAHM, and have less transport problems, you could achieve this by moving. You have choices about how to live your life.

How do you propose that they prioritise the places? The preschool is a business in itself and they need to know how many will be on their books etc. Are you saying they should say to a parent 'well, you don't work so we'll say you might be able to have a place but if someone more deserving who works comes along then sorry you're out'.

It's not really the preschool's business either to prioritise or to create politics around it, it's up to parents to organise these things (although I do understand that your circumstances have changed).

I think in your situation, learning to drive would be a good option - if that is possible. How do you get to work at the moment? Could you pay the CM to pick up your DD? Could you pay a taxi? Not a great long-term solution - but may tide you over for a while.

I work part-time and my son, who is 2 1/2 goes to a nursery for one morning and one afternoon per week. But not on the days that I work. Not sure where we would fit in to your priority scheme.

But he doesn't go to nursery because I want a baby sitter. He goes because he's effectively an 'only' child and I wanted him to socialise with other children, get used to being away from me, and start to learn in a school-like environment.

There were no places available on the days I work, but nursery also finishes at 3pm and I finish work at 4pm, so that wouldn't work for us either, I'd need a childminder to collect him.

I'm sorry you are having these difficulties OP, but they are in part down to your own choices, to live in a village with little in the way of childcare, to have to commute when you cannot drive, your OH taking on a better job with more money but requiring a longer commute and therefore creating this issue for you.

He chose, and hopefully you discussed it together first, to take that new job knowing it could create this difficulty. You say he's getting a pay rise. Is it enough to mean that you don't have to work or can pay for more driving lessons?

I see where you are coming from on this, but why should another family and another child loose out on nursery places just because you feel you need the babysitting aspect more than their child needs the socialisation and development aspects?

And I think you were being asked what would happen to your child's nursery place if one of you lost your job, not what your financial situation would be. Would you want your child to be kicked out of nursery for having an unemployed parent?

No its not wrong to think you should be able to get a nursery place for your daughter so you can keep your job and its a shame you cant find anyone to help with your childcare.

I think people who live in some towns with loads of nurseries take it forgranted that they will get a nursery place. I live in a smallish town and there are 3 private nurseries, 2 school nurseries and 3 preschools so there is more than enough places.

Is it an option to find a nursery close to where you work?

For the second time - my lack of driving skills are not for the lack of trying, time and money but thanks for the very costructive indeed comments indeed on the fact I can't drive!!

I agree - no child should have to give up their existing place and also with the other commentator that the problem is caused by lack of government funding.

I did say that I believe every child has a right to a free nursery education but I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated at the difficulty in a very rural area of being able to work a five day week!

use on of these for transport?

or try on of these for transport

no need for tax or driving lessons with either and no need for gym membership

I can see that it's frustrating, but of course YABU and you know that really.

Don't worry about what other people do - whether they work or don't work, whether they send their kids to nursery or don't - that way madness lies! If it's helpful, remind yourself that most mothers DO work, and that you're not doing anything in any way abnormal. The problem here is that you live in a village with limited childcare, and don't drive. Not sure what the solution is though if there really isn't any other provision that you can access.

Learn to drive. It's not hard.