to think perhaps working mothers should have priority when it comes to nursery places??

[SJaneS]

My OH has a new job starting the end of next month - its a big role and more money (good news!) but a long commute which means during the working week we won't see much of him. Currently he does the drop off and pick up from our childminder three days a week and our 3 year old daughter is in the local nursery the other two days.

I don't drive and will have to do the childminder drop off and pick up which will involve a two hour journey for three days a week (its in the next village and we have an infrequent bus and train service). We live in a village where everyone is relatively well off and the majority of the other local mothers I know have been able financially to choose to stay at home. I completely respect that and if we were in a different position then I'd prefer to be bringing up our daughter. As it is I work a five day week.

We have one nursery and one childminder in the village. Nursery places are allocated on a first come first served basis so completely democratically. The only other local working mother I know has an equally complicated juggle to source and get to good childcare. There are no spare days at the local nursery and many of the children there come from homes where the mother isn't out to work.

I fully believe that each child has the right to good nursery provision. I know that looking after a child/children full time is bl$$dy hard work and women need and deserve a respite. On the other hand in the current situation part of me does feel that working mothers should be given some form of priority when it comes to nursery places. Is that very wrong??!

AIBU to think, perhaps, that all parents should learn to drive?

Actually, let me rephrase that: AIBU to think, perhaps, that all parents should learn to drive or stop complaining when their non driving status makes things tricky

My dad "made" my mother learn to drive when they started a family. he proviso was that she learnt and then would never have to drive again other than when she wanted or needed to.

Peachy, our nursery is used by all the mothers I know whatever their employment situation (and I've given you a good picture of what limited employment opportunities there are out here) primarily as its good for their children, its using their right for free nursery care and gives them a respite and chance to get on with other things. Logistically though I can imagine implementing ranking systems would be nightmare.

Re childminding - the local pay rate around this area is £3.70-£4.00 so taking on say two additional children (our daughter is 3) and working all the hours I could even subtracting the childcare costs we currently have we would be over £600 out of pocket. Good idea but unfortunately it wouldn't pay the mortgage!

who exactly is being judgemental here altinkum? Oh and my pants are very small!

The mind boggles at some official sifting through a pile of applications for permission to use a private-sector business and deciding that A is more entitled B but less entitled than C . . . I think not.

wideawakenurse the housing market is in a slump but people do still have to move all the time due to divorce, jobs, family reasons, bankruptcy. There is still houses to buy and people trying to sell. I saw three new sold signs in the next street today just walking the dog.It is not 'flippant' to suggest moving, op has stated she is upset that she and dcs will hardly see dh, transport is difficult etc, she would rather be a SAHM. A possible solution is to rethink where they are living as a family.

She lives in a nice village with a good school, her house might actually sell.

'Flippant' would be 'get on yer bike', or 'leave the bastard' etc...

I'm not judging anyone dear altinkum...unless I count yourself right at this very particular moment.

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Wow, wading in there altinkum. I think SJaneS question, was one born of frustration at the random childcare we have in this country rather than judgy. Bit harsh to start saying that she has a self-important ego attitude, doncha think?

AIBU to think you should learn to drive? Just because YOU don't have a place because YOU presumable elect to not learn to drive, why does that mean you should have priority?

thank you Bugsy2!

have just re-read the OP and i dont see any judging at all of the mothers who aren't working.

Sheparkles, I do have a nursery place, its within 15 minutes of my house. I certainly don't think that I should have any kind of priority for nurseries as I don't drive - I don't think I've said that anywhere either???

YABU of course. I can empathise with your frustration, but you can't actually choose people's children based on whether the parents are working or not. A couple of things spring to mind immediately.

1. If nursery places were given based on the parents both working, what's to stop someone from getting a job long enough to get the spot and then quitting the job? For top nurseries, I could see that easily happening.

1. Should it then be based on how much the parents are earning? That lower wage earners should get a spot before higher wage earners, as they can't as easily afford childcare to cover? What a can of worms that would be!

I think you are probably just complaining about your situation, which we can all understand, but I don't think your suggestion is reasonable or justifiable.

Learn to drive FFS!

Thanks Turkeyburger - why hadn't I thought of that?!

To repeat a couple of earlier post, I've never suggested nursery posts should be allocated according to whether someone should drive or not. It would be totally riduculous.

I have indeed tried to learn to drive, a couple of times!

anyway, I think this link for me has played out. Thanks for everyone's input -its been an interesting discussion!

Another YABU from me I'm afraid. I work 5 days too (and live in a very rural area) and would never presume that my child should take precedence when it comes to nursery places. ALL children have the right to a place regardless of their parents occupation (or not).

I know you don't like the mention of you not being able to drive but it really is relevant in this case as the problem wouldn't exist if you could. Surely you don't believe it impossible to learn? Lots of people sit their test 3/4 times before passsing if that's what's putting you off but I think it's really important to get you out of this situation. Would you consider going on an intensive driving course? A friend of mine did this and passed her test next time, no problem, give it a go!

Yabu. I don't drive, but I live in a town and can walk everywhere. I would never want to live in a village as it would be impractical for me and I would go nuts. Unfortunately public transport in rural areas tends to be poor as these days so many people drive, especiLly if they live in rural areas. If you could drive you wouldn't have an issue, if you were a sahm who didn't drive, yo could also have issues with getting your children to nursery when they were three. Incidentally, where I live, parents who are on Income Support etc, so nobody in the household works, get priority over other parents.

I can imagine it's frustrating though, as if you are a sahm, it's a luxury to have your child in nursery before they get their free place. We certainly could never have afforded it. But some people may need the places for other reasons, e.g illness. And it's a free country and these are private businesses. Any possibility you could share a nanny with this other family? Or anyone who could give you a lift?

Not everyone can learn to drive. It would be great to be able to drive, but I think there are enough dangerous drivers on the roads already without me adding to them!

I think we've all read the title altinkum and it is a question. It isn't civil IMHO to start saying that the OP should stick it in her "big me me judgy pants and self important ego attitude". Yes, she asked if there should be childcare priority for working mums - it isn't really that mad a suggestion. Some of us have taken the time to explain why we think it wouldn't work, not just call names!

clicked back on here, despite myself!

If I did drive, depending on school traffic it would be an hour 20, one hour 30 journey each day back and forth to the childminder- better than the public transport option but a journey none the less. There aren't any childminders closer with spaces and I have made the calls!

The real problem here is not whether I drive or not but the lack of childcare locally which makes it problematic for anyone in full or part time employment to work or for anyone for whatever reason they need it to access childcare when they need it. I know this isn't just a local problem and one thats repeated up and down the country. I can't see this improving either..just getting worse!!