to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

[IneedAbetterNickname]

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

You are right ineedabetternickname children shouldn't be teased for being themselves but this is the real world and throughout time children have been picked on for being different. It is our job to give them the confidence to carry this off and/or give them the skills to enable them to be happy in a cruel world.

artvandelay has it right, if kids are secure and happy then no one gives a stuff, they all get on and play, there's a saying isn't there, give me a child until he is seven.... or I may be thinking of a song from South Pacific along similar lines which alludes to how prejudice is taught, young children really don't care until they start to hear the sniggers and comments from parents and older kids who have already been conditioned, there is no such thing as 'different' until bigoted people who have been conditioned by society make them 'different' because they do not conform to the social norm why can we not let everyone just be themselves without comment. I simply cannot believe the prejudiced views that are still alive and kicking in 2011 and as someone said, the hypocrisy from those who profess to challenge stereotyping and discrimination

4maboys your DC school sounds amazing in terms of teaching emotional literacy, I expect the children there will grow up confident and secure. they should be very pleased at their success. (i am an ex education advisor and would have been well impressed with a school like that on my patch)

thanks stepaway it is a lovely school, has its issues (such as head insisting ona new unform four years after it was changed!) but on the whole its good and the boys are happy their.

they do lots of activites with role play and dressing up and they try and mix up the age groups etc, they recently had a 'world' day where the whole school was turned into an airport and various countries from around the world, the children each went to different countries and experienced the culture with games, dress up, food etc, my ds3 ate sushi and seaweed! and the HT was the pilot/hostess on the 'plane' and was very camp indeed, it was great, the kids LOVED it :)

I want to go to that school

exoticfruits

boys wrestle for fun and girls don't.

I am actually amazed at the amount of people that think it would occur to other 7 year olds to be horrid to another 7 year old for playing with a doll or being different.
My dd is 8 and it wouldn't occur to her for one second to be horrid in any way to or about another child in that way. And before you all jump on me saying I am naive I'm not because we do talk about things and I am more than aware of her faults but when people do this it is genuinely something that she finds hard to deal with but it has to be said the children her age that I known that would say nasty things are the ones whose parents would probably make comments or judge someone the same way.

There is a little boy at her school who is physically different and he never ever gets bullied and at times for personal reasons the mum has wanted to move away from the area but has always put it off and chosen to stay because she is worried that somewhere else where nobody knows him he would be less accepted. I always thought it was nonsense but obviously not.
Someone said that children together without adult intervention are less accepting I actually think it is the total opposite, I think children are far more accepting and it is adults that will do the judging as this thread actually shows when even a 7 year old girl is described as being too old for dolls.

stepaway you and me both, to be 8 again would be fab! my ds4 is 3 and doesnt start till next sept but he sees all the stuff the boys do and is depserate to go, he tries to go into their classrooms each morning and i have to drag him away howling :(

it does seem interesting to me that whilst its ok for girls to do 'boy' things, infact they are often positively encouraged to do so! its not ok for boys to be more 'feminine' why is this?

i am TRYING to raise my boys to be decent young men, who value men and women equally, so they help around the house and i expect them to be polite and kind, i let them be 'boys' and they have rough and tumble play and nerf guns but equally they can be kind and caring and nurturing, so why not let them do role play with dolls etc as well, i mean they may well be fathers one day! have to say my boys LOVE helping look after their little sister, ds3 likes nothing better than to choose what outfit she should wear they carry her around and fetch toys for her and do silly songs and dances to make her laugh and cuddle and soothe her when she cries, should i not encourage that becaue its too 'girly' or is playing with a real baby ok, just not a doll?

homophobia 4madboys bigots fear that little boys doing 'girly' things will end up gay hence all the 'different' comments... in what way 'different' ffs if more parents did what you are doing we would have a lot less discrimination, a lot more dads who are 'hands on', less domestic abuse, less rape, a lot less unhappiness and just better parents all round as kids raised this way grow up.

Ds2 has a huge Barbie collection, and is generally seen as a popular child in his class (Year 4). Whilst some children have expressed surprise at the number of dolls present in our (all boy) house, never has anyone been nasty to him. But he is at a school which doesn't seem to have any bullying as such within his yeargroup. And he is an easygoing child, which helps.

Ds1 is a "normal" testosterone-fuelled boy, but is very bossy and finds it hard to manage change. He struggles more socially than ds2, and is less popular within his yeargroup, despite nerfgun collection, xbox, rugby team membership etc.

Pink toys do not automatically indicate a potential bullying victim.

i did a straw poll at the school today and not one mum saw a problem with a 7yr old boy playing with a doll or buying a toy pushchair and all 6,7 and 8 yr old girls still seem to play with dolls, it certainly wasnt seen as babyish!

I'm now intrigued as to what a nerfgun is.

a nerf gun is a hideous plastic devise that shoots foam 'bullets' not hard, they are powered by air? and they are small and soft not good when you have a baby that puts everything in their mouth and they get everywhere, my parents 'kindly' bought the elder two a new one each this wkend, we have quite a few now. they are HUGELY popular, i dont know a boy that doesnt have one!

I have yet to see girls, in general, wrestle at every opportunity. I have seen plenty of boys.
I am all for people doing their own thing and not getting caught in gender stereotypes, but above all I want my DCs to have an easy and happy life.

People seem to live in this ideal world where you can do what you like and still get on with people. MN is terrible for bullying -and worse than any playground! I find it strange that people insist their DCs should be able to do what they like and yet adult women can't do it on here! If you have a different opinion from the norm you need a very strong tin hat. Someone started a thread recently to say that she didn't like the bad language-I made the mild comment that she was silly to start it on AIBU because it was asking for trouble-beyond that I kept off it. I don't think she came back-people piled in against her-they like nothing better to put the boot in when someone is down. There must be other people who don't like swearing in titles-they kept off it. I had an email at the weekend from someone I defended (on a different topic), she had been made tearful by the attacks on her. I have had emails from people when I have had a hard time,saying they agree with, me but they keepout of the bunfight.
This is adult women and mothers-and then they expect everything to be 'hunkydory' in the playground!

I think its a bit strange for a 7 year old boy to be honest but I think the problem is me and my preconceptions.Good for you and your ds.
My dgs's 275 have a playhouse/kitchen and often play at cooking/serving food,sweeping etc.neither has asked for a doll but teddies etc play a big part in their play and the babywalker is used as a pushchair sometimes.
I bought my ds a doll 40 years ago-he propped up and shot clothes pegs at it :(

lol pranma, my ds2 would probably happily shoot his nerf gun at teddies etc, tho most of the time he lines up his little army figures and shoots at them or a target drawn on paper, as long as he doesnt shoot it at people thats fine by me!

the one resounding comment i got from parents was that it seems adults make more of these issues than kids, the children themselves arent bothered and just get on with playing and being friends, but its tactless comments from adults about being 'babyish or girly' that make children feel bad or question what they are doing and then children are more likely to think its 'odd'

aibu always seems to bring out nutters, myself included i guess but i think its a shame that so many seem to think a boy shouldnt buy a toy pushchair or play with a doll, if its what he wants fine, let him get on with it, he has plenty of time to grow up, and hey who knows maybe he will work with babies/children, a paed, or even heaven forbid a nursery worker, cos we all know how much mnetters love male nursery workers

Ha, ds has one of those, bought for him by my dad, didn't know it was called a nerfgun and suspect all 'bullets' were lost long ago.

yes they do get lost very easily, shame that 3)

My eldest loved pink and purple kitchen things ,maybe till about 8?

He wanted to see how they worked ,he wanted to take them apart -when he was 8 he helped himself to a screwdriver and did so!

By 10 he could assemble flat packed furniture with no instruction.

It is vital to let boys play with whatever gender specific toys they want,we don't always know the reason behind it.

op your son might actually be more interested in the wheels, and finds the ones on a toy pram the most spectacular! :)

I would have no problem with my DS wanting to buy a pram.

OP it might interest your DH to think about his reservations this way: It is ok for girls to plays with "boys' toys" because girls are lesser beings who are imitating more powerful peers. Girls, however, must not try to excel at boys' games or be too much like boys as this suggests they are getting above their station. However, if boys play with "girls' toys" it is embarrassing and beneath their dignity because girls are inferior and should not be imitated by the more powerful gender. So, girls playing with boys toys = cute until it becomes too serious and then it must be quashed before girls get unfeminine ideas, boys playing with girls toys = ridiculous, as why would a boy belittle himself by wanting to be like a paltry meagre girl?

It is vital to let boys play with whatever gender specific toys they want,we don't always know the reason behind it. No its vital to let them play with whatever toy they want gender specific or not and why can't HE play with a pink pram cos he likes the dolly and pram not how it works

stepaway it was just one example as all others had been covered.

I gendered it , almost being sarcastic IYSWIM?

I have 2 boys,they have always been able to play with what they wanted.

My point was valid, as many parents (as this this thread has shown) tend to panic when boys enjoy pink stuff.

When I taught preschool I used to encourage the boys to play with the baby dolls, holding them gently, feeding them, etc. They were boys who very often did not have a father figure. We talked about rocking babies gently when they cry, changing diapers, etc. It was lovely to see all these boys from "hard areas" rocking dollies and whispering "shh, shhhh...." :)

They're just little children for heaven's sake!

Children will find absolutely ANYTHING to bully someone for. At school every gets labelled - too fat, too thin, speccy, spotty, ginger, frizzy hair, smelly, clumsy, too dumb, too smart, too common, too posh, etc etc... If it's not about the pram it'll be about something else.

As a kid I wore my tomboy identity proudly, for years my mum grudgingly allowed me to have my hair cropped very short and almost always wore boyish clothes. I'm sure if we had had proms in those days, I would have worn a tuxedo! I'm glad I stuck up for myself and although I am now more into 'girly' hobbies and a more feminine style, I feel I have a healthy self-esteem, precisely because of my non-conformity, rather than despite it.

I think you should warn your DS that he might get picked on for playing with 'girly' or 'babyish' toys but if he persists then he is probably - like me at that age - perfectly ok with a few mean kids telling him he's weird.

I will also add that if you hear relatives speculating as to his sexuality, tell them my theory:

• some boys like to dress up and pretend to be a princess, or be like their mum, or their sister, because it makes them feel more special. Perhaps they think girls are more interesting than boys. I used to think that boys were cool and tough, so I wanted to dress like a boy all the time because it made me feel more confident. (I turned out to be heterosexual, btw.)
• some boys become obsessed with a particular female celebrity or cartoon character, and insist on imitating them or collecting the related (PINK! arrrgh!) toys. It might be because he's going to turn out to be gay and wants to be as fabulous as her one day. Or it might be that he fancies her!