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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

208 replies

IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 18:28

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 09/10/2011 19:14

OFGS,

He wants the pram, let him have the pram.

His peers are probably all kicking each other in Power Ranger style and playing hideous nerf gun games.

No, it's not normal for 7 year olds to want a pram. So what? Cherish you DS. He sounds special and adorable. Smile And be prepared to stick up for him against the world. Boys like this need a strong and supportive mum. Smile

squeakytoy · 09/10/2011 19:15

wtf is wrong with being a tiny bit different from your peers?

plenty if it means your childhood is full of misery because you are being bullied or teased, or shunned..

I am not saying that is acceptable behaviour, but surely any mother wants her child to be treated well by others and have a happy childhood? even if it means conforming a little to what is "the norm".

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:17

I did say -if he was adamant go with it. Confused
If he is happy and confident I don't see a problem, but it is very easy to get teased, I want my DCs to have an easy ride and not make life difficult for themselves. At 7yrs a lot of girls have given up playing with dolls.

LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:23

In the ideal world you should be able to say 'I don't need to conform to my peers', but it isn't an ideal world and I would prefer them to be happy with the 'norm' and find a way of fitting in. I wouldn't do things like call them Percy and expect them to cope.
I'm afraid-say what you like-the norm is for 7yr old boys to be playing football. I wouldn't want to force them into it-DS3 never liked it but he always managed to be friends withthe footballer-without supporting a team or playing.
If he is going to differ from the norm you need to be supportive.
Not pretend that there might not be a problem.

picnicbasketcase · 09/10/2011 19:23

What Lynette said.

Personally if my DS had wanted a doll/pram I would've tried my best to talk him out of it. But it sounds like yours had his heart set on it and I just hope no-one picks on him for it.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 19:24

He has never been bullied by his peers, even though he frequently takes the baby to parties and such like! Obv if he were bullied, me and him would sit down and discuss the possibility of putting baby Luke away!

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 09/10/2011 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 19:26

And if the norm for 7 year old boys is playing football, then my brothers, and indeed DP were far from normal, as they all HATE the game!

OP posts:
duvetdayplease · 09/10/2011 19:26

I am also depressed. Basically it seems to boil down to 'encourage your children to suppress their true wishes, hopes and dreams just in case a mean person has a go at you'? Bollocks to that.

I was really, really different at school. I was fooking brilliant, my kids are fooking brilliant and no way am I going to suggest they start to change in order to get an easy ride - they can carry on being themselves and if anyone tries to pick on them we will find a way to deal with it.

Living in fear of a handful of bullies is a rubbish way to live - what if they are gay, or marry someone from another race/religion, or lose an arm in an accident, or get a facial scar or whatever? We have to teach our kids to be proud of themselves, not too bloody scared to pick whatever toy they like in case right-wing jonny in class 5R has a go.

Off upstairs to read the very lovely 8yo boy a lovely story now. Gonna pick one with a ballerina in it. Its like Billy Elliott round here!

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:26

If you are utterly depressed by the thread you can't have spent much time in a school playground! It is no help HEing either-they need to be able to get on with their peers. Since OP is sure he wants a pram then I'm sure you don't need to be depressed-he will be fine. However many DSs couldn't carry it off-they would have a tough time if they didn't have force of character.
It is like calling a boy Leslie-no problem at all if he is popular and a leader, but a huge handicap if he is shy and retiring.

troisgarcons · 09/10/2011 19:27

OFGS ! the lad is role playing his principle carer, his mother.

If he likes it and he is fulfilled doing it - no problem.

He isn't going to grow up 'gay' because he had a pram!

troisgarcons · 09/10/2011 19:28

Boy = Leslie - no problem
Boy = Lesley - big parental issues

LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betterwhenthesunshines · 09/10/2011 19:29

Even if his friends do 'pick on him' for it, then it's up to him to either defend himself, or change his play habits. Which may well be a shame. That would be my only reason for discussing with him if he really wants to spend his money on it - if it's going to be short-lived toy.

I hate gender stereo type toys and my daughter's girls world turns my stomach Blush so I love it when she spends all summer wearing her brothers t-shirt and playing Star wars with him in contrast. A little bit of everything.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:30

I think that you are missing the point! It depends on the DC and how they handle it. DS3 hates football but has always been popular. All I am saying is that they need the force of character to do their own thing. Not all do and I would try and protect them from teasing if they found it difficult.
It is the way the world is-to pretend otherwise isn't helpful to your DC.

betterwhenthesunshines · 09/10/2011 19:31

By the way, I often find my DS (9) dressing up his sister's dolls and tucking them up, although he no longer plays with his buggy. I think it's just a satisfying, calming game.

rubyrubyruby · 09/10/2011 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:33

As a teacher of course you would nip teasing in the bud but you can't force them to be best friends. They find their friends. Some DCs are far more popular than others.

soverylucky · 09/10/2011 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:34

Since he is turning 7yrs he is only in year 2 so I don't see a problem.

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 19:35

Boys and girls are different.
Boys and girls (generally) do play differently.
As children age the differences do become more pronounced.
Its not a right or wrong, its just how it is.
The toy itself is not the play, the play is what the child imagines the toy is or does.
Most seven year old boys in a room full only of dolls will create action type scenarios for their play.
Most girls in the same situation would recreate care-based play.
Nothing wrong with either, but to deny there is a difference is wrong.

gastonscave · 09/10/2011 19:36

I see absolutely no problem with him having a pram if that is what he wants. My 7 nearly 8 year old DS still sleeps with, feeds and bathes his babyborn. I am planning on making sure he becomes a more hands on father than his is Grin Nearly eight and I can count on my one hand the amount of times his dad has helped to bath him.

He also loves playing in his playhouse with his toy kitchen as do his friends when they come around. Funny how the only people who have a problem with it are usually male

antsypants · 09/10/2011 19:37

I remember playing with dolls until I was 12, but I hid them as my gran would chuck them out if she saw them, I think the same goes for boys playing with what is traditionally a girls toy. Okay, so perhaps a 7 year old boy pushing a dolls pram is unusual, but I wonder if this is more to do with them being told that they are too old/male than them being more interested in bikes, fights and tormenting small animals and insects.

As for encouraging your child to fit in, within reason yes, but I have never met an interesting person who fitted a cliche, ideally a child will have the self confidence to like who they are, not who they are expected to be.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:37

I agree Rosemary.