to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

[IneedAbetterNickname]

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

why floggingmolly its NON uniform, they can wear what they like, he has worn a tinkerbell outfit as well, lots of the girls wear 'princess' dresses, many of the children, boys and girls where various 'fancy dress' outfits, he loves the dress (a present from a lovely friend) and to be practical he wore shorts under it. no-one commented negatively, infact most of his friends told him how cute it was etc, he likes it and is happy in it, looked a bit funny riding his bike to school but its his choice and if he is happy, i am happy. they are only children once, let them have fun and if that means dressing up in a party dress, then fine by me :)

hardgoing my ds3 who likes all things 'girly' is also an extremely popular boy, the school have commented on how social he is and how he gets on with everyone and has a wide group of friends (and a smaller circle of 'close' friends) he is a happy, confident, outgoing little boy, long may it continue :)

my elder ds (now 18) asked by my mum when he was about 4 what he wanted for his birthday asked for the barbie doll with the dolphin, bless her she didn't bat an eyelid and bought it for him, he was thrilled, he also had those beanie dolls a boy one and a girl and for a few years they were his treasured possessions, he had a little plastic bath, outfits and bottles for them and a little backpack like a seat that they strapped into, I loved it and we had lots of good games with them, they came everywhere and I was a bit hacked off at how many older folk gave a second glance when he took the backpack and more than one gender conditioned little girl asking why he had a doll as he was a boy. he has grown up into a typical teenage boy, played football, out with the lads, has a girlfriend and still reminices over bob and bess. so sod off to all those who have a problem with boys playing with 'girls toys' its people like you who perpetuate the stupid stereotypes that give kids the issues in the first place, just let them be.

PS: judging by the number of posters saying their DS likes dolls etc it is not 'being different' as many have said its just people perpetuating the stereotype that percieve this as 'different'

How bloody stupid are your inlaws and dp being. He is 7 who gives a monkeys as long as he is happy.

He has never been bullied by his peers, even though he frequently takes the baby to parties and such like! Obv if he were bullied, me and him would sit down and discuss the possibility of putting baby Luke away!

Nah sorry I don't believe you. I think you're playing MN like a fiddle here for whatever reason.

A 7yr old boy...year 3 junior school taking a baby dolly to parties and not getting the piss taken out of him?

Yeah riiiight....

I have 3 boys. All 3 of them and their mates would play with the dolls, the kitchens, the 'traditionally female' toys in Nursery and Infant school.

But there is no way on God's earth a 7yr old boy wouldn't have the piss ripped out of him for taking a doll to a party. Actually a 7yr old girl would struggle not to raise an eyebrow at the fact she felt the need to take one along to a party.

I don't really get your point about it being a non uniform day, 4madboys.
There is no accepted uniform for going to the park, cinema, etc, but would you really be happy for him to wear his pink silk dress to those places and expect not to see any raised eyebrows? Kids can be absolutely merciless.

It's not the gender stereotyping of a doll's pram, it's the 'babyish' quality that is problematic. Children are very quick to decide what is age-appropriate and what isn't. Admit to still liking Tellytubbies or Thomas the Tank Engine when you're 7 or 8 and it's awkward. I think, if he hasn't had problems so far, he's been very lucky, that's all.

well he has done and not had the piss ripped out of him. raised eyebrows, yes i am sure there were a few, but no-one outwardly taking the piss out of him and if they did they would be politely told where to go by me, or my dp.

and one thing about my 4 boys, they may bicker and squabble like all kids come, but hell would freeze over before one of them stood by and let another of them be 'bullied' or picked on.

mine are 12, 9, 6 and 3 and the elder son also went through a stage of liking more 'girly' things and had purple trousers etc, it simply wasnt a big deal.

and ds3 has also taken doll/cuddly animals etc to parties, out to the park and amongst his friends there has not been an issue, thankfully at 6-7yrs of age they are STILL children! and children play with dolls and cuddly toys. i have actually had POSITVE comments from parents that think it is good that a boy is being 'allowed' to like girly things and that its nice we are 'relaxed' about it, whatever that may be.

i think its the posters saying they wouldnt allow it, whether that be for fear of bullying etc that need to look at THEIR issues cos your averge 6/7 yr old wouldnt care. i just asked my 9yr old what he would think of a boy taking a doll to a party, even one his age and he cant see the issue with it, tho he did say if its a lazer quest party it would be harder to turn around and play if you had to carry the doll, then said but as its not a real baby it wouldnt matter if you dropped it i suppose

and ds3 will be 7 in dec, he is having a TEDDY bear party, they are making and dressing teddies, is that too 'girly' (not at the hideously overpriced bear factory, at home with kits from online so he can have group of 7 friends and it wont break the bank!)

i really find it sad that people can be negative about a young boy simply wanting to play with a doll. there wouldnt be the same issue if it was a girl playing with tanks/guns/football etc.

Funny how right-on MNetters are actually no different when it comes down to it. Talk the talk with the big campaigns etc but when a RL example presents itself and it starts to (potentially) get a bit tricky, then children should be 'gently encouraged' to fit in with their peers. Very very sad. Whether the OP is genuine or not, the responses are very telling.

Why is it sad to want children to fit in with their peers? Or surprising, even? Parents spend a lot of time organising play-dates, enrolling them in sports and other activities precisely to achieve that end. Those of us that have had DCs that have been bullied know how awful it is when they are excluded or unpopular. And, whilst 'different' is not a problem in itself, if your 'different' child ends up lonely and friendless because children have decided they are odd ... it's heart-breaking

well maybe if more of us encouraged our children to be themselves there wouldnt be such an issue and i have to say if any of mine every picked on or teased another child for being 'different' or 'girly' etc then they would be in trouble!

maybe all those who wouldnt let their child do it, are infact REINFORCING the message/idea that there is something wrong with it, and therefore their children are the ones likely to do the name calling?!!

and children can be 'different' AND fit in with their peers, its not mututally exclusive, as ds3 shows very clearly, has a wide circle of friends, male and female, enjoys 'boy' things and goes to tennis club, korfball, swimming and plays with friends out of school, male and female. all of whom simply just see him as 'dylan' and arent bothered by the fact that he ALSO happens to like, fairies and fancy dress.

Your DS3 is lucky. My DS was picked on because he had 'girls' trainers'. (They had pale blue decorations)

Well said 4mad.

Where do you draw the line then? Do you move out of an all white area because you're black or vice versa? Is it healthy to pretend to be straight when you're gay? Extreme examples yes but at what point is being different ok?

Liking dolls as a seven year old boy is hardly deviant behaviour and 4mad is right. Encouragement and support for your child, whatever their interest, is what's needed, not making them feel bad for what they like.

If the boy in question was 3 or 4, as some have said, no one would comment on it. But just because he's a little older, the sucking in of breath over teeth is audible from here.

somehow I am picturing that boy from "about a boy"

i do have experience of bullying as my eldest has and is still being to a certain extent, picked on, called names etc for not being a 'typical' boy, thankfully he generally ignores them, tho has been upset and we did speak to the school (when one stabbed him with a compass!) but he is fairly confident most of the time and he wouldnt and shouldnt have to change himself to 'fit' in. as he is getting older he is finding a small group of boys who are more similar to himself and building good friendships, having struggled. we have simply been here for him, to encourage adn support him and offer the reassurance that he isnt 'odd or gay' etc (it was hard at his primary, very small yr group or 20ish boys all who loved football etc, its much better at a high school with 260 kids in his yr, there are some that DONT like football!)

we have a let girls be girls campaign, why not just let KIDS be KIDS full stop.

I remember people who were victims of bullying, and rather than being the children who stood out from their peers, it was the children who were shy, lacking in confidence and easily upset that were picked on.

This idea that the way children play or the toys they play with makes life inevitably difficult is probably one of the biggest contributing factors to why we keep having comments made about sexuality on a thread about a seven year old little boy.

We talk about nature as if it is all encompassing... Yes, throw a group of hormone filled pre pubescents together and you shall see a lot of chest beating, but equally, sit a group of hormone filled pre pubescents together in a place where they do not feel they have to meet the expectations of society, parents and relatives and throw any kind of toys into the mix and I bet you a dime to a dollar they all play together.

The question is, is your child going to be the child that reaches for the toys first and leads the play, or is your child going to be the follower?

"I bet you a dime to a dollar they all play together"

You've never read 'Lord of the Flies'?? Kids make up their own rules in the absence of adults and they are usually a damn sight less tolerant in the process.

Of course get him what he wants, and let him be what he wants

But I think you need to keep eyes wide open for any reaction,shitty comments he may get. God its hard. and I am sure you know this already

But I think you are right to get him what he wants and if even parents start trying to "change" their kids, then the message they will get

If he wants a pram then I see no problem with him having one. I have 3 DDs and the oldest one loved cars and DD2 had a train set. DD1 in fact never really liked dolls although she did have a few barbies. DD2 and DD3 played with dolls until they were about 12. In fact DD2 had a new push chair at 10 but also played with get trains. One of my nephews played with his sisters Barbies and poly pocket dolls and in fact had his own polly pocket at 7.

Lord of the flies is a fictional story, which (and it is all down to the individual interpretation) is more a comment about fighting the expectations of socialisation within a very conventional society.

From watching my three younger brothers, and the large amount of men I have known throughout my life (not as dubious as it sounds) my experience at least has been that most of them stifled their interest in what was thought as feminine toys or role plays because of what their parents thought, not what their peers thought (at such a young age at least)

I think the issue comes when the 'difference' comes primarily from the parents and not the child. I went to a rough primary school at the top of a council estate. All fair and inclusive, except I was the only child dressed in flowery hippy skirts and Cloth Kits, the rest were in drainpipe jeans and Harrington jackets (aged 9/10 i guess). I would have given anything to have fitted in, my parents simply didn't appreciate how completely socially isolated I was. Now, if I had had a very strong sense of clothing identity at that age and wanted to wear the hippy stuff, it would have made sense for them to have supported me in who I wanted to be. But, oftentimes, I am not sure that dressing your child to be very very different, or do very different things that their peers is for the benefit of the child, more the parents right-on stance of being different/unique.

Having said that, some children do have a much stronger sense of self and are happy to be a bit different. My eldest is one of them, she travels her own path, dresses how she pleases and is generally quite immune to what others say (as yet, she's only 7/8). But I think you have to be sensitive to the situation and the personality of the child.

worraliberty - thank you for saying what I've been thinking all along! I've been around enough 7 year olds to know for absolute sure that not a one of them would ever take a bloody dolly to a party! Just wouldn't happen.