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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

208 replies

IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 18:28

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

OP posts:
DeWe · 09/10/2011 20:04

Ds loves playing with prams or buggies. He's 4. he turns them upside down and tries to take them apart. Grin

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 20:09

Sorry - I was getting a bit judgy myself there.
Given that you and your lad are happy and his friends are not making an issue, I am wondering what made you post, sounds like Dad was a little surprised but he must have seen your lads' affection for the doll already or id Dad having deeper concerns ?

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 09/10/2011 20:10

my dd had a dolls pram and doll for her 7th birthday, its what she asked for so i dont think 7 is too old at all. I also think its his money so you were right to let him buy what he wanted. It COULD lead to bullying if other children found out but so could hundreds of other things.

zukiecat · 09/10/2011 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 09/10/2011 20:13

DS had a BabyBorn when he was 5 and at 7 was still getting different outfits and accessories for her.
But then it wore off all of a sudden and she was hidden from view.

Both phases absolutely OK.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 20:14

DP was raised by parents who believe children should be seen and not heard, and that boys having anything pink or girlie will make them gay. I think thats where his problem lies. DP refuses to let DSs take their dollies out if he is with us.

OP posts:
zukiecat · 09/10/2011 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electricalbanana · 09/10/2011 20:25

my lovely DD (now in her 20s) never wanted dolls. she wanted cars, subbuteo, football clothes. She wore sports gear all the time. Never wore a dress. It just wasnt her. I had the forsight to allow her to become who she wanted to be. I facilitated her choice of toys and clothes.

Now....

She is a confident woman with a beautiful girlfriend! and she has thanked me for being so open and allowing her the freedom to do what she wanted - i never judged her. she is my baby .

MogTheForgetfulCat · 09/10/2011 20:31

I'd have no problem whatsoever with any of my 3 DSs having a dolly and a pram at that age if it's what they wanted. DS1 had a dolly and pram that he played with a lot at ages 2/3/4 - we still have it, but he doesn't play with it much at the moment. Will be fine if he does, find it baffling that anyone could think otherwise.

Also a bit Shock by people thinking 7 is too old for dolls and prams - I played with mine for way longer than that...

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 20:31

My nephew is 8 and has a doll and he is also allowed to paint his nails. Not for school....but he plays out with them done....he also loves football and action men type games...his Mum lets him get on with it all.

Of course yor DS can have a pram. As for 7 being too old...what a SAD world we live in when a 7 year old can't play dolls without beng thought immature!

He is SEVEN! It's very young.

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 20:33

Mog Some people force them to grow up too soon.

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 20:34

Oh my - children seen and not heard - that is so sad for your DP - and such a difficult blue-print of parenting to then model raising his own children on, maybe your lad feels very safe with you to play comfortably, with no under-lying notion of having to some how "man-up".
I know nothing of gay situations but am sure playing with any toy can't turn a person from straight to gay, DP does sound very out-of-date, even to a very out-of-touch person like myself.
Do you feel you need to protect your lad a bit from DP attitudes?
Sorry if that seems nosey, just really feeling for you now, particularly as the in-laws are on your case too.

duvetdayplease · 09/10/2011 20:36

electricalbanana - that's a major compliment to you from your daughter, I'd be happy if my kids felt that way about me in years to come.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 20:40

Rosemary, sometimes I do, but not too much. His views arent as extreme as his parents, but definately more old fashioned than mine.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 09/10/2011 20:40

god this is a really sad thread

i have 3 boys and it depresses me that they're going to be mixing with the offspring of people who think that they shouldn't play certain games/toys just because they happen to be male

why do you all think that dolls are not the "norm"..... because people like YOU are "gently encouraging" your children to think like it!
the fact that you need to gently encourage them means that actually, a lot of them WOULD like to play dolls. which means that actually that would be the norm if you didn't all try and make them be macho and live up to some stupid stereotype

makes me fucking sick actually. if it was the other way round you'd all be outraged if someone was saying your little girl couldn't play with action man because her friends would tease her. you'd say she was a strong, independent child with her own ideas and how great that is. and it would be.
but because it's a boy, doing something totally natural that he has seen his mum AND dad do it's wrong and must be dissuaded.

nice.

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 20:45

thisisyesterday I think that same fear is what encourages many parents into homeschooling. I know I still think of it even though my DD is already at school.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 09/10/2011 20:48

I agree with thisisyesterday. And I hate that there always seems to be a homophobic subtext to this sort of discussion on here Sad.

greengoose · 09/10/2011 20:50

HI, When I was 7 I was given the choice of anything I wanted in the toyshop for my birthday (Thats how I remember it anyway), and I chose a pair of cowboy guns in holsters. My mum almost cried, but she got me them. I loved them more than anything, and I still remember the security of being accepted by my parents.
I think it is possible he'll be teased. If he cares about it he will change what he does, if he doesnt he wont. But he will remember what YOU do and say. What his DAD does and says. My son went through a phase of liking the little pet shop toys, but hiding them as he didnt want his friends to see, he was about 7 then. I think it is no big deal.... he just chose a bit of a 'statement' toy, thats all. Does he have a baby sibling, or are you pregnant or trying? That often brings out the very 'maternal' side in young boys in my experience. Good for him for sticking to his own opinion... strong boy!

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 20:52

Ineed - sounds like you have a good balance for your lad - and lots of support on here, all the best.

thisisyesturday - It child development isn't chicken and egg - given zero pressure / commercialism/sterotyping, boys generally will play action based games, girls (again generally) will edge to caring games. Of course play styles are on a spectrum, and no-one is saying that either style of play is wrong, only that there are differences. Give a boy a stick and it is generally a sword, give a girl a stick and its (more likely) to be a wand.
The world around them may then encourage their play styles, but the inital imputus to play in a particular way comes from the child.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 09/10/2011 20:53

YANBU if he is happy then good for him.

DS1 is 5 and a half and his buggy broke recently, he was devastated. We bought him a new one, he has pushed a buggy about since he started walking and pinched his sisters. Grin
I know he is just that wee bit younger but he never gets picked on in fact the complete opposite his friends all want a shot of his buggy and baby, probably because they are not allowed one of their own to play with.

I actually took photos of DS1 and DH sitting side by side on the floor the other night. DH was changing DS2's nappy and getting him ready for bed and DS1 was doing the same to baby Sam. Made me all warm and fuzzy, Grin

Both my older 2 dc (dd is 8), so far, don't care what other people think of what they play with and what they do as long as they are happy doing it. I know that won't last forever but the longer the better.

thisisyesterday · 09/10/2011 20:55

rosemaryandthyme, i do not actually believe that is true

how could you find that out? how can you stop a child having ZERO influence on them from outside sources and even parents in terms of gender stereotyping.
you only have to turn on the tv, walk round the shops, go to a playgroup to see that girls are given pink princessy home-making items and boys are expected to play with guns and action toys.

there is no way ANY research could say that, short of taking children and putting them in a big house with no influence at all for the first 5 years of their life

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 09/10/2011 20:56

When I was 7 I wanted a pair of boxing gloves. When I say wanted I mean my world would have ACTUALLY imploded if I didn't have them. I'd have swapped every toy in my bedroom for those boxing gloves.
I will never forget the night my DF appeared with a pair of shiny red objects of my affection.
I'm pretty sure I'd also have never forgotten if someone had turned round and told me that they weren't appropriate because I was a girl and would I like this nice Tiny Tears instead?

I second the poster that said this thread is quite sad :(

Squitten · 09/10/2011 20:57

I think it's bloody awful that a child of SEVEN would be pressurised into towing the line of some kind of made up social norm over a TOY for his birthday.

Sad, sad, sad...

toadoftoadhall · 09/10/2011 20:58

I agree thisisyesterday. The flip side of this is its somehow socially acceptable for people to take the piss out of my uber girly dd who likes pink sparkly stuff and hasn't worn trousers in 5 years. Anything girly is so uncool atm that the implication is if your dc likes it then its because you have brainwashed encouraged them not to do anything genuinely fun ever ie play with 'boys toys'. Some people like dolls, they really do and its not because mothers are trying to gayify their sons or kill any ambition in their daughters, its just that they like dolls. Children can like cars or trains or transformers no questions asked but a preference towards girly stuff is sneered at.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 20:59

His 'baby' sibling will be 5 in 2 weeks time, but the dolly was originally a present for his 2nd birthday,which was 2 months before the new baby was born. No we are not trying for another baby, as DP and I recently got back together after a split of almost 2 years. He is, however, desperate for a baby sister, has been asking for one for about 4 years now, but completly understands that he might never get a baby sibling, and if he does , we can't guarantee it will be a girl. He used to 'breastfeed' the dolly when he was younger, but only because he was copying what I did with his baby brother!

OP posts: