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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

208 replies

IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 18:28

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

OP posts:
HardCheese · 09/10/2011 19:38

I'm also depressed that so many posters think it's better for the OP to force her son to 'fit in' with his peers. Duvetdayplease is absolutely right - suppressing the slightest difference in your child for fear of What People Might Say is the thin edge of the wedge of behaivng as though homophobia, racism etc must be pandered to.

OP, your son sounds a a delight, and the anecdote about your father and brother and their prams is lovely.

eaglewings · 09/10/2011 19:39

7 year old girl asking for a football or a car = no problem

7 year old boy asking for a pram = no problem

elinorbellowed · 09/10/2011 19:39

So, for all we know, there could be thousands of 7 year old boys desperate to play with prams and other 'girl's toys' but they have all been talked out of it by their relatives, so no-one thinks it's 'normal'. I don't insist that your children conform, teach them to hold their heads up high whoever they are. And in my experience, speaking as a teacher, the children that go their own way without caring what others think are the ones least likely to be bullied.
My son had a pink cooker, which he loved, but now, at the age of almost five , he has adopted lots of offensive attitudes about boys and girls toys. Grrrr.

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 19:40

He is in year 3 exotic, his birthday was August, but have only just spent the money

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 09/10/2011 19:40

Nothing wrong with it and things won't change if people with prejudice have to be pandered too.

toadoftoadhall · 09/10/2011 19:43

At 7 he should be allowed to spend his money on what he wants. I don't think its conventional to want a buggy at 7 but neither is it abnormal. I remember being in Y5 and there was suddenly a huge baby doll craze amongst the Y5/6s.
Its better to get pleasure from things you like than suppress yourself for the purposes of fitting in with people you don't actually have much in common with. I think its unlikely that he won't fit in anywhere. Ds carries a teddy around but the nerf carrying boys he plays with don't seem to care.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:43

I don't know why I am arguing really, I have 3 DSs who had a playhouse and loved a toy kitchen.
Of course they should choose.
All I am saying is that when they get to a certain age they will find things easier if they conform-unless they are a leader with bags of self confidence. It isn't right, but I don't think that you do your DCs any favours by insisting there can't be a problem when there might be.
I played with dolls until beyond the norm-I wouldn't have let on at school. I was shy and retiring and it was better not to mention it. (I don't think it stunted me in anyway).

LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duvetdayplease · 09/10/2011 19:43

I've spent plenty of time in schools, primary and secondary. Both thru work and voluntary. Yeah, kids can be rough. The ones who cope best are the ones with a really good sense of self-esteem, often fostered by parents who have told them they are fine just the way they are.

There is of course bullying. But you can't avoid bullying by pretending to like football if you don't.

LingDiLong · 09/10/2011 19:44

YANBU. I must admit if it were my 7 year old son I would be slightly worried about bullying. But I absolutely wouldn't want to teach him to 'conform' to avoid bullying. That's almost like teaching him it's ok for people to bully him.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:44

If he is in year 3 he will be aware that a lot of girls have given up playing with dolls by then. If he is happy there is no problem.

LindyHemming · 09/10/2011 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rubyrubyruby · 09/10/2011 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RitaMorgan · 09/10/2011 19:47

OK, so it is unusual for a 7 year old boy to have a dolly and pram. But so what?

Good on you and your son OP for having the confidence not to conform to expectations.

If there is bullying, deal with it when it arises. Children should change their behaviour due to a threat of possible bullying at some point in the future.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:48

I did know one boy who was pushing his pram around in public when he was about 8yrs ,but he was quite happy and confident and he was treated as the norm by his peers. It is really a question of them and their self esteem. It is if they want a pram, but can't carry it off that you need to worry and not just write it off as 'depressing'- but do something about their self esteem.

RitaMorgan · 09/10/2011 19:48

Sorry, children shouldn't change their behaviour.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:49

You will find it the norm for even the toughest year6 to have a favourite soft toy.

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 19:53

Am concerned that this little lad is taking the doll out to parties and playdates - why?? Couldn't he at least leave it at home ? Fiddling about with a dolly at a birthday party for seven year olds just seems unnesessary - or is mummy encouraging this somewhat....

Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 19:53

I should point out that he doesnt always play with the dolly, he also has a nerf gun, cars, lego etc etc. Sorry, should have maybe said that sooner?

OP posts:
Original poster
IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 19:55

No I don't encourage it at all rosemary! He asks 'can I take baby?' I say "yes if you really want to" Baby normally then ends up sat in a corner until hometime

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 19:56

I can't see that you have a problem-you are just making one by starting the thread!

wigglesmonsterock · 09/10/2011 19:57

My dd1 is six and she still plays with her doll and pram, she is in P3, her little sister is also angling for another toy garage, she already has one, should I say no? is it a boys toy?. I have 3dds and this kind of boys/girls toys depresses me.

AnnetteProfit · 09/10/2011 19:59

at SEVEN?

AnnetteProfit · 09/10/2011 19:59

god i dont mind toddlers doing all that but i think you are setting him up to have piss ripped

like it or not
cest la vie

MissBeehiving · 09/10/2011 20:01

This thread is so sad.