Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have let DS1, aged 7, to spend his birthday money on a toy pram?

208 replies

IneedAbetterNickname · 09/10/2011 18:28

DS1 got some money for his birthday, and as he loves his dolly, and is too tall for his stroller (the £5 type ones aimed at 1 year olds) I let him spend his money on a lovely toy silvercross. His Dad, and all my in-laws, are horrified. DP has even told me its not 'normal' for a 7 year old boy to have a buggy!

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/10/2011 21:01

Rosemary, just out of interest what on earth is a 'gay situation'?
(And how can you know nothing of them? I mean, what about all your lesbian/gay friends and relatives and parents at school and all?)

And wot thisisyesterday said.

Squitten · 09/10/2011 21:01

My 3yr old BFs Thomas the Tank Engine. From his belly-button

He's fucked

Grin
snoopdogg · 09/10/2011 21:08

DS1 (aged 20) has agreed that I can 'out' him as 'Barbie Boy'. He adored her in all her various incarnations as a small boy and she was his purchase of choice when he got birthday and christmas money from age 4 until about 8. Having always considered myself a staunch feminist I found his choice hard to handle! However, she made him so happy and she interacted with Action Man (same feminist objections from me).

Aged about 7 he started to ask me to hide Barbie when friends came to play which broke my heart a little bit. But she'd generally sneak out and join in playtime.

I hate gender specific toys, kids love to play and they play in ways that are relevant to them and their lifestyle. Your boy wants a baby so he plays babies. Mine wanted a pink nylon fishtailed evening gown. (He's watching me type btw and said 'that's a joke right?' err, no)

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 21:08

I've no idea what you mean

myshadow · 09/10/2011 21:12

Snoopdogg, I are dissapoint - DS1

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 21:18

thisis - yup there is research on gender-play styles, but your right too that the communities in which research has been carried out have their own influences too.
My understanding was that gender play was linked to hormonal levels ie testosterone surges in boys tended to increase the proportion of time spent on physical play etc, interestingly there is also research suggesting that girls percieve the colour pink differently to boys in western society. Again nature/nuture influences unclear, but still there are differences that filter through to education and parenting, to treat boys and girls as androgenous would be unfair to both.

KittyFane · 09/10/2011 21:26

DD (just 8) loves dolls and has only really started playing with her baby dolls properly in the last year or so (feeding, dressing them etc).

The thing that's Confused about some of the responses here is about age- people thinking that 7 is too old.

Do most people really think 7 is too old for dolls?

Forget about gender BTW OP, if he likes his pram that's all that matters.

thisisyesterday · 09/10/2011 21:26

but physical play doesn't have to be gender specific

a trampoline or a bike is physical.

it doesn't have to be guns and fighting

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 21:33

Ahh - here is exactly the difference though boys do tend towards more roll about on the floor grabbing each other physical play both in young lads and in the animal kingdom, boys free playing does often resemble young chimps.
Girls rough and tumbling is a much rarer sight surely.

Smugfearnleyshittingstool · 09/10/2011 21:33

My middle dc, an only ds is 7. He loves to play with his sisters dolls and prams. As he is an only boy I think maybe it is accepted more, by family etc, and he is free to play as he wishes, often in a dress too! It's a shame a boy without sisters should not be free to play as he wishes.

IMO football at 7 is a far worse than dolls and natural play.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 09/10/2011 21:35

My ds is lucky then that he has all his baby sisters dolls and prams he can enjoy because clearly having his own which he does is frowned upon

Hmm
RitaMorgan · 09/10/2011 21:39

It is absolutely impossible to say what play is "natural" and what is conditioned.

Research has shown that parents (and society) treat boy babies and girl babies differently from birth. Differences in how much they are cuddled, how gently they are handled and spoken too, whether they are thought of as sweet or strong etc etc.

From the moment they are born boys are taught to be boys and girls are taught to be girls. You can't unpick the effects of nature vs nurture.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 21:43

By my observations boys wrestle and girls don't. And I certainly didn't condition it-I can't stand it.

thisisyesterday · 09/10/2011 21:44

ftr my ds1 also has a baby doll (called sammy). he will be 7 in february.

i guess i better start gently encouraging him to no longer be nurturing and wanting children ever.
and get that army application in.

Athrawes · 09/10/2011 21:46

My DS is just 15 mo. He is currently into cars and duplo bricks but I have been looking at him and wondering "if you were a girl would we have bought you the duplo zoo rather than the grand prix?". I encourage gentleness and cuddling and stroking his soft toys but do wonder how much I am also encouraging hitting drums and using a hammer like Daddy and whether I would be doing the same with a girl. I will never know.

RitaMorgan · 09/10/2011 21:51

exoticfruits, you yourself are conditioned by society too. You don't need to actively encourage your children to conform to gender roles.

Haberdashery · 09/10/2011 21:52

Rosemary, until relatively recently, the colour pink was considered a boy's colour and far too exciting for girls, being a watered down version of red. Yes, in Western society. That would be a big argument for nurture if it is indeed true that girls have somehow started to perceive it differently (link please).

OP, I'm glad you let your little boy get his pram. I'm also glad he's sensible enough to choose what he actually wants and not make his choice based on peer pressure. He sounds very sweet.

exoticfruits · 09/10/2011 21:54

I would agree that there is conditioning, but having known hoards of DCs the one thing that is different is that boys wrestle for fun and girls don't.

sc2987 · 09/10/2011 21:59

YABU, you should have encouraged him to get his doll a sling ;)

trulyscrumptious43 · 09/10/2011 23:07

I have just skipped to the end of this thread to say, well done, you are a fantastic forward thinking mum to let your son buy his pram. Be proud of yourself and of him. I'm always interested to read biographies of great designers because they usually have some defining elements in their childhood where they were different from other kids their age and sex.
My son, age 4, chose pink flowery wellies for himself. I briefed the grandparents not to make disparaging remarks (in his earshot anyway) and I was really happy to see him in his fashion choice!

RosemaryandThyme · 09/10/2011 23:20

Rita / thisis - are you seriously saying that there are no inherent difference between boys and girls and that the enviroment they are bought up in determines how they play ?
It's the same thinking that expects 30 girls and boys to learn maths together for an hour with the same teaching techniques, the same thinking that expects 7 year old boys to sit at a table producing the same volume of written work as 7 year old girls.
Its a total nonsense to pretend girls and boys are the same, they are different and should be treated differently, educated differently and parented differently.
A particularly effeminate boy or testosterone charged girl may benefit from techniques for the alternatve sex, but for the most part boys and girls are different because their gender is different.

maypole1 · 09/10/2011 23:29

Duvetdayplease I feel the same I would gently encourage my dd to be him self

You know when my dd was being build at school the head said well he should try and fit in he's a bit of a odd one

I feel so sorry for some children even their own parents don't encourage being true to ones self

4madboys · 09/10/2011 23:30

YANBU at all!

my ds3 who will be 7 in dec has a toy doll and plays with it loads, it goes to bed with him everynight! he loves it. he also loves tinkerbell and princesses and all things pink, purple and sparkly. as well as lego, nerf guns etc, he is who he is and i let him get on with it.

we has even worn a pink silk party dress to school on non-uniform days! my dp was worried about him being bullied, he is in yr2 and tho some comments have been made he is pretty self confident and capable of coming out with a smart arse retort if necessary (having elder brothers to teach him has helped!) and the school and his teachers have been very good to make a point of saying all children are allowed to be different and do their own thing.

he has a very good group of friends, mainly girls, but some boys as well and thankfully not too much peer pressure yet.

his two older brothers dont pick on him or say anything about him liking 'girly' things, we have brought them up better than that! one of them is very 'geeky' and into science, phones, computers, books etc and he is also confident enough to just be himself :) ds2 is total 'boy' obsessed with football, guns, nerf toys etc, and he is also encouraged to just be himself, but as well as being very physical and a 'typical boy' he is also very kind, caring, sensitive and has good empathy and is brilliantly caring with little children etc.

my point really is that all children are different, and i think we do our job best as parents if we simply encourage and support them to be confident in letting them be themselves, without the constraints of peer pressure or conforming to social 'norms' and i think its very sad that any child would be encouraged to change or not do something as its not right because they are the 'wrong' sex to play wiht a certain toy etc

and as for 7 being too old to play with dolls! i have a 10mth old dd and i hope she and her brothers continue playing with their dolls and trains and lego etc much longer than 7yrs, i want them to be children, not forced to grow up to quickly for fear of being babyish!

Floggingmolly · 09/10/2011 23:47

4madboys, Your Ds wearing a pink silk party dress to school on non uniform days would be a step to far for me Hmm

Hardgoing · 09/10/2011 23:48

My dd has a very good boy friend who is far more into Barbie and sparkly things than she will ever be. I know this has worried his mum because she has spoken to me about it, particularly about the fear of being bullied. Actually, her son is very popular and there have been no issues for now with other boys or girls, he has a strong outgoing lovely personality and other children are very drawn to him. So far so good.

I am not remotely surprised a 7 yers old boy has bought a pram/got a doll he loves to play with. I am surprised he takes this doll to parties, I have been to lots of 7 year old parties in the last year, and no-one turned up with a doll, not the girls or the boys. I do wonder if he is being encouraged to be different, which is fine if it really is an expression of how he wants to be in the world, but it must absolutely be his expression otherwise it isn't very authentic.

Swipe left for the next trending thread