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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boys with long hair

382 replies

violet79 · 08/10/2011 15:27

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 08/10/2011 15:30

They aren't dictating how long your son's hair should be, just that it should be tied back. However girls' hair should also be tied back as well, so that is unfair.

Sirzy · 08/10/2011 15:31

Sorry if it's the school rule it's the school rule. The only think I would question is if the parents of the girls who are still wearing long hair down are being asked the same, but as you say it's a new rule I would assume they will be.

I always think from a keeping hair nit free sticking it up for school makes much more sense anyway!

wellwisher · 08/10/2011 15:31

How does he feel about tying it back?

ThatllDoPig · 08/10/2011 15:34

UANBU.
Has the head said what exactly the problem is with long hair? I don't think it should make a difference for boys or girls.
I suppose it boils down to different people's perception of 'extreme styles'. Some people would consider it extreme for a boy to have very long hair, and some wouldn't. How long is it. out of interest.
Feel sorry for your ds though. He should have it however he likes it IMO.

valiumredhead · 08/10/2011 15:35

Our school is very strict about uniform and hair - if you don't comply the child is taught outside the classroom away from their peers until their hair is cut.

AgentZigzag · 08/10/2011 15:35

Do you think you could be adding to your DSs stress by not going along with what the school are asking?

Could he be more adament he doesn't want it cut because you're fighting for him not to have it done?

I think the line of picking your battles might apply here.

Unless I'm missing something, I can't see how the special needs your DS has means he can't go along with the new rules regarding his hair.

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:35

They need to apply the policy equally and regardless of sex to all the pupis. If you think that your son is being targeted because he's new to the school,a nd that others are not being made to comply, then you complain to the head about the inequality and if that doesn't change things, the governors.
However, you said the Y6 boy will have to wear his hair in a pony tail, so that shows the rule is being applied to others.
'I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be.'
Schools have to listen to reasonable complaints from parents and act to resolve problems, so that's what they appear to have done.
You will need to gather some evidence to prove your case, so I suggest you use email and keep a paper trail.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2011 15:39

Very long hair is, in my experience, a very unusual hairstyle for a boy, which may explain why other parents are viewing it as an extreme hairstyle, violet.

But the school should be applying the rule consistently to the girls as well as the boys.

Oakmaiden · 08/10/2011 15:40

I don't think it is unreasonable for the school to ask your son to tie his hair back. However, if they do then they must ensure that they INSIST that every child with hair longer than (for example) shoulder length ties back their hair.

Lots of blokes with long hair tie it back on occasion. In school in particular it does have safety issues. But the rule needs to be applied to everyone.

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 15:40

if the new school rules is applied to all pupils then you should comply. if girls aren't being asked to tie hair up then neither should your son.

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:43

You need to be sure that they are being fair though OP, and that the fact he and his sibling have been in trouble for swearing isn't being used as a reason to punish him unfairly for his hair.
The two things are separate issues.

LordOfTheFlies · 08/10/2011 15:47

Personally I think long hair, cropped hair and earrings for boys look bloody awful.

They've got all their lives to do this when they leave school

Pushing the boundary, bit by bit erodes school uniform policy.

My opininion, feel free to disagree, as I'm sure alot will. Hmm

PattySimcox · 08/10/2011 15:49

A policy for long hair should apply for both girls and boys.

I think the SN has no bearing on whether he should or should not comply.

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:50

'I think the SN has no bearing on whether he should or should not comply.'

Why not?

upahill · 08/10/2011 15:51

At my son's primary school last year DS was the only one with really long hair.
I said he could have it long as long as the school didn't complain.
The only thing they said was when he went for swimming lessons he had to have it in a swimming cap. He was the only lad to do this and he agreed to the rule. The same applied to the girls.

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 15:52

where does it say about his sibling and swearing? Confused

MrsHeffley · 08/10/2011 15:53

This bugs me too.

My boys have long hair and were told to tie it back but what a surprise dd(with waist length hair)depending on style requests(along with half her class) goes in with it flowing down her back now and again but has never been told to, not once.

Many girls have these long French bob things and never have them tied back,they're the same length as my boys shoulder length hair Hmm.

I tried putting a bobble in to ds's hair for swimming and it slid out.

It is discrimination and they're trying to embarrass boys into having short hair styles because long hair on boys isn't the done thing.

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 15:54

"Personally I think long hair, cropped hair and earrings for boys look bloody awful.

They've got all their lives to do this when they leave school"

as do girls. should we just cut all children's hair short until they are 18?

DownbytheRiverside · 08/10/2011 15:55

'where does it say about his sibling and swearing? '

Bother, posting on too many threads. She mentioned it on another thread and I conflated the two. Blush

susiedaisy · 08/10/2011 15:55

If the school has a policy of long hair being tied back then that's what anybody with long hair should do regardless of their sex.

MrsHeffley · 08/10/2011 15:56

But the point is Susie the majority don't and aren't pulled up on it.

Booooooyhoo · 08/10/2011 15:58

ah, thank you, i re-read that OP 4 times looking for the bit i had missed Grin

MuddlingMackem · 08/10/2011 15:58

Sorry, but I think YABU.

My kids' school has just brought in the long hair must be tied back rule this academic year, and it applies to everyone. Even the little boy in my daughter's reception class who has absolutely gorgeous, curly, waist-length hair. :) According to dd he wears it in a pony tail at school, but he always seems to be minus the bobble by the time he's outside the school gate. Grin

Personally, I think it's a really sensible policy. So far neither of my kids have had nits and I'll back any policy which cuts down on the risk of getting them in the future.

minimisschief · 08/10/2011 16:00

To be fair though long hair on boys and men looks really stupid. i think i have seen about 3 men pull it off well.

but the school needs to either make boys and girls tie their hair back or none of them.

MrsHeffley · 08/10/2011 16:01

Mini-in your opinion.

I think short hair on any child looks hideous but that is my opinion.

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