Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

boys with long hair

382 replies

violet79 · 08/10/2011 15:27

My children have recently started a new school. When picking the school we met with the headteacher and looked around the school and talked about my childs special needs and the appeared very welcoming.
The whole time we were in the process of meeting with the schools and choosing, the school we eventually chose said nothing about my sons long hair. In fact we read the schools uniform policy and the only mention of hair was no extreme styles or braids.
But now they have been there a couple of months the head teacher held an assembly to tell all pupils with long hair must wear a pony tail. I already was sending in hair bobbles for PE and swimming. But considering he is already being called by a girl by one kid in his class i thought this was a little off.
My son is the only one being chased up on the matter with lots of girls stuill coming to school with thier long hair down.
In a meeting with the head she said that another parent is complaing that they cant put tracks in their sons hair but my son can have long hair so she had to do something about it. Although i cannot see why as it wasnt in thier policy and tracks is...and tbh i feel its sexual discrimination. I pointed out that its not fair that some other parent should dictate how long my sons hair can be. The school have admitted they have a year 6 pupil whose had his hair long the whole time hes been there...when i asked if he had to wear a pony tail they said no but now he will have too...so this is a new rule just for my son. I have refused to put bobbles in his hair and the school say i am being unresonable. My son has special needs and has had enough stress changing schools without adding to it. Any support for my cause will give me the strength to stand up for my son.
p.s...he is adament he does not want it cut saying that it would not feel like he was himself anymore.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 12/10/2011 10:59

Seeker,

Exactly. Identity and sense of self worth should be far more profound and deeply rooted than something as trivial as hair length. Unless you are Samson of course :)

Primafacie · 12/10/2011 11:28

For the love of god OP, please stop with the '...' and use full stops, you will make much more sense .

I don't understand why you are making such a big deal of this. You do realise that wearing a wall of hair in front of your face is not socially acceptable, don't you? You are doing your son no favours by indulging what would be almost universally regarded as antisocial behaviour. Why can't you work at making him understand that the behaviour needs to stop? Either he wears his hair tied back as per school policy, or he has it cut. He should be encouraged to develop and express his personality in other ways. Otherwise how long will this go on? Do you think having his face covered with hair will be a winning look at a job interview?

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 12:09

I think everyone is fighting a losing battle here with the OP. I, as will any parent of a SN child, do everything in my power to help my son feel comfortable BUT I would be striving to help him "Fit" in and not stand out more making him open to bullying. I would be teaching him that rules are there to be followed and yes you may have different needs to other children but the rules of play are the same.

OP by refusing to comply with the rules you are only teaching him that rules don't apply to him which won't him in the long run.

violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:11

larrygrylls...
let me assure you , she is simply a tomboy and does not have a physical disorder. Why say that everyone who likes to be different must have a disorder...she was one example...a a mildly extreme one...my point was that children DO have identitys...and i could run through a simlilar senario that prooves so for every single child i know.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:16

yes larrygrlls ...BEFORE political correctness...BEFORE political correctness children were whipped with rulers, black people were called sambo and treated as inferior, and women were chained to the kitchen and also seen as inferior...im not sure this point goes in your favour. YOU may like to believe that children dont have an individual identity but thats not the way of the world at present. I have finally spoken to my childrens SN worker and they are appalled by my sons treatment, they are now working to fill in the gaps that are in existance at my sons school in order to make sure they are fully aware of his requirements as they say the school obviously are not too clued up on individual SN issues.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:17

seeker...my son is not dying his hair bright colours...that is unatural ...my sons hair is very natural

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:18

primaface...
i write the way i write, if you dont like it you really do not have to read it.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:19

my son does not wear a wall of hair...i said he brushes it across his face...im sorry if i didnt make this very clear...by this i mean he grabs a thin strand and brushes it on his face, it is his reassurance mechanism as he gets very very stressed in situations with more than one or two person or when someone is talking directly to him.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:23

ladyevenstar ...yes you are right, the people being so pushy here are wasteing their time...i have already said that i am not sitting here unsure asking for advice on whether i am right or wrong..because i have my sons SEN workers for that...i was asking for advice on how to move forward with the school, prehaps from people that have experienced this and managed to move forward...
i do believe that those who misunderstood this fact have had plenty of oportunities to gather this by now , hence why i truly believe there are some people who just love to play devils advocate ...or cant accept that anyone else could have a different opinion and know their own mind and not need explicit help in becoming just like them!

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:24

ladyevenstar...that is the point...these are NOT the rules...the school does not have a no long hair policy, they dont have a pony tail policy ...noone else in the school is following any imaginary policy they have made up for my son.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 12/10/2011 17:25

just tie the rapunzel locks back, and focus on the more important issue of ensuring your son is happy in mainstream educaton woman!

Its hair! noone is saying cutting just tie it back

pick your battles

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 17:25

Judging by the amount of time you've put into your thread violet, you're determined to be seen not to be unreasonable aren't you?

It doesn't matter whether everyone agrees with you or not because posting's not about 'winning' the argument (for most people), just look at the advice, and if you decide you can take any away and use it, that's the 'win' for you.

violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:35

agentzigzag...
you can probably tell by the lack of spelling and format that i have not spent MUCH time...and id of left it a while back had it not been for certian folks back there kept making comments that wernt true and making new people to the thread not have a clue what was going on and thinking im a nutter...disgreeing with my opinion , yes fine...slagging me off, twisting my thread and making me out to be a paranoid nutcase no...im not sorry , ill put that right.

OP posts:
violet79 · 12/10/2011 17:36

sorry bad flow:
thinking im a nutter.
Disgreeing with my opinion , yes fine...slagging me off, twisting my thread and making me out to be a paranoid nutcase no...im not sorry , ill put that right.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 17:44

Nobody is slagging you off.
You need to get off the defensive!!!

Look whether you like it or not there is a new rule in place in your sons school. Now it may be it was put in place because your son has long hair BUT it is still a rule whether new or old.

If the school brought in a rule that pupils had to wear orange shoes and your son didnt like orange shoes as he likes his black ones would you be fighting then?

At the end of the day you need to follow the rule and make sure your son does as well or get his hair cut it is not rocket science. Nobody is twisting your threar but you do come across as paranoid. You have gone from saying the whole school were told to your son was sngled out.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 12/10/2011 17:50

Cut his hair or tie it back - lessens the chance of nits

WetAugust · 12/10/2011 18:32

Do you think that if we all agree that Violet was being SO INCREDIBLY REASONABLE this thread would stop?

I had hoped it would when it slipped off the front page of AIBU last night.

Perhaps posting on Netmums would provide a wider perspective - anywhere but here!

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 18:36

Wet netmums? the place of tickers where everything is rosy?

BatsUpMeNightie · 12/10/2011 18:37

100% what WetAugust said.

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 18:51

I thought you said wetmums TLE Grin

Well, considering the thread, I think violet has actually been incredibly reasonable and patient.

She's not called anyone a cunt or anything, and that's got to be worth some points.

Oakmaiden · 12/10/2011 18:56

Well, the OP is apparently not talking to me any more i think i will ignore your posts as you clearly just saying controversial things with no real meaning behind them just to attempt to get peoples backs up.

Which is a novel experience for me... don't think anyone on here has ever accused me of being deliberately contentious before. But if I am coming across that way to the OP, then I humbly submit it is more to do with her attitude to be disagreed with, and the way she has phrased her information, than it is to do with my posting style.

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 18:58

ZIGZAG wetmums would be more appropiate for that site!!!

Oakmaiden · 12/10/2011 18:59

to being disagreed with....

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 19:02

ooppss jsut realised I used caps sorry Smile

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/10/2011 19:05

just - even